Wen | Cheats Jun
The contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a topic that cannot be avoided in the family, and it is not only the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law who are trapped here, but also the father-in-law, the son, and even the future of the family - the child - who is affected because of the relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law.
After all, a good family atmosphere is made up of good membership. If two people in the family do not deal with each other, others will inevitably be affected by the pond fish, and the child is not conducive to physical and mental growth in such an atmosphere.
Therefore, the correct way to deal with the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not to avoid talking about it, nor to think that this is not my business, all family members should sort out the root cause, so that the right medicine can be prescribed and the family can become warmer and happier.
Families that are always troubled by the contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are actually stepping on the following minefields to sort out the root causes in order to save themselves.
Minefield one: "everyone" and "small family" can not be distinguished, resulting in unclear boundaries
A friend said to me bitterly that her marriage was perfect, except for one point - the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
She and her husband got along well, but she was always not on the same channel as her mother-in-law, and she had many quarrels about it.
In order to avoid the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, she tried various methods, but with little effect.
In the end, she was discouraged, saying that if one day she and her husband divorced, it must be because of her mother-in-law.
To tell the truth, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law cannot be escaped by every family. So why can some families live in peace and stability, and even some mother-in-law and daughter-in-law still get along well with each other, and even claim to be as close as mother and daughter?
Most likely because they have kept the boundaries between the original family and the newborn family, do not interfere with each other, and then they can live in harmony.
The family of origin refers to a person's family before marriage, including his parents, siblings and himself.
A newborn family refers to a person's family after marriage, including his partner and children.
After marriage, who is the master of the newborn family? Couples, of course.
This means that both husband and wife are responsible for this small family. Whether this small family is prosperous or passive and weak is related to the struggle and management of the couple.
However, the premise of ensuring the normal operation of the small family is that the husband and wife have absolute control over the small family.
To be more specific, it is all the affairs of the small family, from where to buy a house, the decoration style of the house, where the children go to school, how to educate, to the small home is a few days of drag, where the shoes should be placed, should be decided by the husband and wife.
The root cause of many mother-in-law and daughter-in-law contradictions is that the in-laws are competing with the little couple for control of the small family, and they do not know it. The contradiction is more concentrated on the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Like my friend, it is because her mother-in-law "cares" about her too much, so much that it has become a control.
What kind of clothes a friend wears every day, the mother-in-law should remind her; the circle of friends will send something casually, and the mother-in-law will also remind her to pay attention to the impact; if she comes back late one day, the mother-in-law will ask the east and the west, not to know where the daughter-in-law has gone. Who can stand this?
If the in-laws are too controlling, how to solve it? The best thing to do is to keep your distance, not under the same roof; if not, to defend your views and sovereignty gently and firmly every time you are controlled.
It's just that many times, the small family is controlled by the in-laws and can't help it. The fundamental reason is that the couple is not independent enough, and many times they have to rely on the elderly to fund.
Also take my friend, the house is the down payment of the in-laws, the monthly loan in-laws will also pay a part of the money, but also help them with the baby, whether it is to buy vegetables or buy books for the children to buy toys, the in-laws have money, and even the money for the children's interest classes is funded by the in-laws.
Under such a premise, the in-laws naturally have the courage to intervene in the decisions of the small family. For example, how to decorate the house, what specialties the child should learn, and so on.
If you quarrel because of this, it will appear that the little couple is "soft rice and hard to eat".
Therefore, if you want to get rid of the control of your in-laws, the small family must learn to be independent.
Minefield two: When there is a conflict with the spouse's parents, one of the spouses can not always look at the problem rationally
"Conjugal" here usually refers to the husband. As a husband and son, after the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, he either firmly stood on the side of his parents: "They are elders, and you must respect them when you say anything", "Say what is wrong with you, is it not good for someone to help worry about it?" ”
Either it is with the mud, or when there is a contradiction, simply hide. Their classic mantra is "That's my mom and dad, what can I do?" ”
The reason why they have such an attitude may be that they have not really been independent from the mind, which is commonly known as "Ma Bao"; on the other hand, they confuse the original family with the newborn family, and put their parents in the first place.
But in fact, the foundation of a family is the relationship between husband and wife, not parent-child relationship. The relationship between the in-laws is good, and naturally they will not interfere with the affairs of their sons and daughters-in-law.
The solution is either to slowly wait for your partner to grow, or to make a bitter statement to him what is at stake. If none of this works, we must defend our rights and interests gently and firmly.
Senior nursery, psychological counselor. Understand the parenting and psychology, but also pay attention to the self-growth and family management of baoma, and strive to be the intimate person of mothers. Welcome to pay attention to [Parenting Cheats], you want to know about parenting nursing, growth and development, family education, mental health, you can find the answer here!