I have wine and tea, and if you have a story, come to me.
Click "Follow" above, and you are my person.
Vanity Fair: "There are always some fragments of life that look inconsequential at the time, but in fact affect the big picture." ”
This sentence and "pull a hair and move the whole body" express the same meaning, many details in life have such a role, you don't care, you may lose because of a "seemingly insignificant move".
This kind of problem often arises in relationships, such as when you say bad things about another friend in front of one friend, you feel irrelevant, and even think that your listener will hate another friend with you, but the result is that you are hated.
Family relationships mixed with children's marriages sometimes have that kind of problem. For example, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, in addition to the mother-in-law has a problem or the daughter-in-law has a problem, there is also a situation that is more common, that is, the wrong words and deeds of men provoke the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
The following reader's complaint about her brother is about this kind of problem, let's take a look at it together.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
The marriage of my brother-in-law made me understand that the most stupid behavior of married men is to provoke the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
My brother is such a person, to put it simply: he often says bad things about my sister-in-law in front of my mother, and often says bad things about my mother in front of my sister-in-law.
People say that men should maintain it in both directions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and he is good and slandered in both directions. He thought that his means were very clever, but he did not know that this practice had invisibly planted a thunder in his life.
I can vouch for my mother with a head on the head, not a bad mother-in-law, because she has a good relationship with relatives and neighbors, and she can't take the initiative to bully my sister-in-law.
My sister-in-law is good or bad, although I dare not guarantee it, but if no one stirs up dissension, I believe she will not find trouble with my mother for no reason.
At first, I didn't know much about their marriage, but I knew that my brother and sister-in-law would quarrel every few days, and every time there was a quarrel, my sister-in-law would shout and shout, and then I would greet my brother's relatives and friends and the ancestors of eight generations without saying a word.
My mom lived next door to them, and every time they had a fight, my mom heard it all. Every time she heard that she had become the object of scolding, she was very sad.
Then, my brother began to pretend to be a good person, ran to my mother and complained: "My daughter-in-law is not educated, I will divorce her sooner or later!" She is something, scolding people when she quarrels, and taking herself too seriously! ”
In fact, he didn't think so in his heart at all, because what he said in front of my sister-in-law was: "My mother is narrow-minded, even if you want to scold, can't you make a small noise?" Otherwise she hears it and will definitely say bad things about you in front of outsiders. You also know that my mother is a person with a bad temper, eccentricity, and looks down on you, and your scolding of her will only make her hate you more. The reason why I always make you angry is because my mother never cares about me. ”
If you ask me why I know so much, it is actually very easy to explain: there are neighbors around who are not too big to watch the liveliness, and they like to spy on other people's homes, especially other people's ugly families, and they will spread it everywhere after listening to it.
My sister-in-law, after being instilled with a lot of unfavorable words against my mother by my brother, would talk to the neighbors without thinking. And these contents, going around and around, reached my ears.
Gradually, the picture of the couple's life could be sketched out: in addition to the loud conspiracy between the two of them, when he saw no one in private, my brother would add fuel to the fire and denigrate my mother, including me, including all the people in our family, in short, when he talked to my sister-in-law about our family, there was not a single good word.
While he slandered my mother in front of my sister-in-law, he also slandered my sister-in-law in front of my mother, and it is conceivable that when my mother and my sister-in-law have a trick, the contradiction will be triggered.
So, my brother can get any benefit from this?
In my opinion, there is no benefit! Because my mother-in-law and daughter-in-law had more conflicts, my sister-in-law began to turn the spearhead to my brother, pouring all her anger on my brother, and even wanted to divorce him.
Things have evolved to this extent, and he has no effect on quelling the contradictions between husband and wife by "slandering my mother". My sister-in-law wanted to divorce him with the child, he asked my mother for help, my mother didn't bother to take care of their affairs anymore, he couldn't fight my sister-in-law and her mother's family alone, and finally ended up with nothing.
I think he deserves it, who calls himself brainless. He should have thought long ago that provoking the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law would only be detrimental to himself in the end, not only would he lose his marriage, but the congregation would rebel.
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
In this world, there are men who "never say bad things about their parents in front of their wives", and there will be men who "frequently say bad things about their parents in front of their wives".
I have seen too many such men, and they are wary of anyone and will not show their sincerity. There is always a set of superficial sets behind one, and there are always five people and six people in front of people, which is better than singing, but after people wantonly denigrate everyone he knows.
This is a wrong way of doing things, your superficial kung fu may be able to win the approval of others for a while, but when others hear that you are saying bad things about them behind your back, it is impossible to have a good feeling for you.
One person who doesn't have a good feeling for you may not be in the way of your life; but if multiple people don't have a good feeling for you, your world will shrink dramatically. You don't treat people with sincerity, and you don't want others to treat you with sincerity.
Such a man will definitely provoke contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in marriage, because he has become accustomed to inconsistencies in appearance, and this shortcoming goes deep into the bone marrow. Unless the daughter-in-law he marries is similar to his smell and is the same kind of goods, the above results are bound to occur: they will be abandoned by love and affection.
Hopefully, other men will examine themselves to see if they have such flaws. I also hope that other "good women who are responsible for themselves" will pay attention to the fact that if your husband is the kind of person above, if he does not change, you should leave him as soon as possible, otherwise your world will be spurned because of his existence.