I have wine and tea, and if you have a story, come to me.
Click "Follow" above, and you are my person.
"Life Sea Sea": "Remember, life sea sea, dare to die is not called courage, living only needs courage." ”
Courage is the patent of the living and has nothing to do with the dead. Dare to die is not called courage, because doing so is equivalent to losing the courage to live.
Only by living bravely can we "possible" realize the possibilities of life. The reason why it is said that "it is possible to cash in" is because courage is not enough, but also wisdom, such as how to behave, how to do things, and the various possibilities of life are mixed in these wisdoms.
We can't be dead cowards, but we can't be live braggies. If you live bravely but do not live the way you want, you will be worse off than dead.
This principle applies not only to the whole of life, but also to the contents of life. Marriage is no exception, running a marriage is like running a life, the most important thing is people. If you fail and do things sloppily, your marriage may not be happy.
The problem of her sister-in-law pointed out by the following reader is the problem of being a person and doing things, let's take a look at it together.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
After my brother-in-law's divorce, my sister-in-law was beaten back to her original form, and she thought that her misfortune was caused by my brother and my mother. But in my opinion, the person she blames the most is not my brother, nor my mother, but herself, because she did not make the three-handed preparation before marriage.
First of all, she does not have a strong heart, and her psychological quality is very poor.
Getting married is not a child's play, nor is it a matter of finding someone to marry and be happy. It not only needs to be carefully chosen, but also has a strong heart to deal with, and should also have the psychological preparation of "willing to gamble and lose".
And she, did not make this preparation, the dependence on my brother is relatively strong, as soon as she encounters a problem, she cries and cries, and her mood fluctuates greatly, giving people the feeling that she has no reason in her body, and the emotion is particularly serious.
This kind of person with poor psychological quality cannot withstand any wind and rain, and a small problem is enough to crush her. Moreover, such a person also likes to think wildly and put pressure on his already fragile mind, which is a typical person who collapses himself.
Some people may say that such a woman should be sympathized and guarded. But the question is, who can have so much patience to guard a mad person? This is the same as the principle of "no filial piety in front of the bed for a long time", even if men are very patient, sooner or later they will get tired of their emotional wives who frequently make unreasonable trouble.
This creates a vicious circle where their husbands get tired, they break down more, and they become more emotional. Over time, marriage is bound to come to an end. At that time, they have a very poor psychological quality, and it is difficult for them to have a good life.
Second, she has no primitive accumulation and no material retreat.
A person wants to have a sense of security, can not fully count on others, to leave a part of the sense of security created by themselves.
Among them, the primitive accumulation of material aspects, or deposits, premarital property and other things, for women, should be a sense of security created by themselves.
If you pin this sense of security on others, once something goes wrong, you will have nothing. At that time, the emotional blow, coupled with the pressure of life, will make a person lose hope of survival.
In addition, her ability to survive is very poor, and she has not learned to rely on herself.
Although many women are claiming rights for themselves, believing that women should not sacrifice for the family after marriage, this so-called fairness is difficult to achieve in a short period of time.
In other words, instead of asking the group society to give you the rights you want, it is better to fight for yourself to build your own survival ability. As long as you have the ability to survive, as long as you can rely on yourself, you can cope with all the changes.
The above is my sister-in-law's problems in that marriage, she is like a passer-by who boarded a boat to cross the river, thinking that she could reach the other side smoothly by boarding the small boat of marriage, never thought about what to do if there was an accident, and as a result, she fell into the river in the middle, both shocked and afraid, and could not swim, and of course life would not be better. Do you think I'm right?
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
I think she makes a lot of sense, especially on the third question.
As she said, many people just recognize the problem, just complain, just say that women should not sacrifice too much for the family, just say that it is unfair, but do not think about countermeasures in light of their own situation.
One woman said: "It's not fair for women to sacrifice too much for their families!" ”
Another woman said, "Yeah! It's really not fair! ”
Another woman said, "If the male and female roles are reversed, women are certainly no worse than men." ”
Similar conversations are flooded with the Internet and reality, but many are just hi-hoo, and after spitting on each other, life is business as usual. What's the use? Nothing can be solved.
You should not be foolish to wait for the marriage environment to change, you should not expect others to rise up and fight for your rights, and then enjoy it, but you should take the initiative to make changes. First, it is necessary to realize that sacrificing for marriage and family is not meaningless. And why the slightly pessimistic word "sacrifice"? Is it bad to say "give"? Second, you can't have no free time at all in the process of giving to your family, the key is how you use your free time.
Some people sleep whenever they have time, play mobile phones, play games, brush dramas, and be in a daze; while others make full use of time to learn and improve themselves. These two very different attitudes and lifestyles are bound to be the result of very different ones. The good and the bad are self-evident.
Whether before or after marriage, these issues should be taken seriously. There are infinite possibilities in everyone, and the key lies in whether you pursue the infinite possibilities. If you don't pursue, your possibilities are limited, and once you step into the door of marriage, you will never have a yellow sorghum dream.