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Have you ever met such a person in your life?
When in the unit, he is very kind to colleagues, always diligent, and never shirks his work;
In life, I am very cheerful to my friends, invite guests to dinner at any time, and be happy all day.
Obviously a good old man, unwilling to cause trouble to people, swallow his anger, but when he returned home, he seemed to have changed his personality, shouting at his family, but whenever he was a little unhappy, he began to beat and scold his family, very arrogant.
Such people are often accustomed to currying favor with outsiders, but put the status of their families last.
Many people often make the mistake of leaving too much patience and gentleness outside, but not being reasonable and unreasonable to their families. Most of the people who have this kind of flattering mentality are the following three types.
01. Extreme inferiority and the use of violence to build prestige
Writer Adler said:
"Stubbornness is another manifestation of inferiority."
In psychology, people with very low self-esteem in their hearts will only please or show a good temper in the face of outsiders, afraid of not being recognized.
Even if you achieve achievements externally, if you are not strong enough inside, you are likely to vent your inferiority complex in intimate relationships, in a vain attempt to regain self-confidence through stubbornness and power.
An Jiahe in "Don't Talk to Strangers", his parents died early, and he pulled his younger brother to grow up alone. He grew up in an environment lacking love, coupled with his very sensitive personality, it is inevitable that he will become inferior, less confident in love, eager for love, but lacking the security of love.
After becoming a doctor, he treated patients and colleagues very kindly, politely, and professionally skilled, and was rated as one of the top ten young people in the city, and outsiders spoke very well of him.
Although his achievements at work have brought him a little self-confidence, his inner inferiority has not been eradicated, and he will suspect that his wife is coveted by others and worry that her wife will betray him. Therefore, he did not allow his wife to talk to the man, and once he found out, he committed violence against his wife.
His ex-wife Zhang Xiaoya was beaten on the head and bleeding by him, and her ribs were also broken, and she couldn't bear it anymore, so she chose to crash and commit suicide.
But An Jiahe did not realize that the harm caused by domestic violence to Zhang Xiaoya, in his opinion, was Zhang Xiaoya betrayed himself and was likely to have cheated, so he ran away from home and accidentally had a car accident. This experience exacerbated his low self-esteem and panic, fearing that he would not be loved and betrayed in his marriage.
After marrying Mei Xiangnan, he was afraid of his wife leaving, afraid of losing his wife's love, locked his wife in the house, did not let him go out, and as soon as there was a sign of betrayal, his emotions were very excited, and he scolded his wife wantonly, and did not stop until his emotions were vented.
Such a person, in fact, he is inferior and weak in his bones, and he is very unconfident in his heart. After encountering the same thing, you will be afraid that you will be denied and betrayed by others again.
Some people with extreme low self-esteem will activate the defense mechanism in their hearts, put on a mask of violence, and pretend that they are not afraid at all.
In their view, by holding their families firmly under their control through violence, their families will be more obedient to themselves and will not betray themselves.
Establishing power and building self-confidence by bullying family members only temporarily hides the inferiority complex and cannot really eliminate it. When they taste the sweetness brought by this method, once the inferiority complex surges in their hearts, they will continue to treat their families like this, and even have to step in, intensify, from domestic violence to serious criminal cases.
This is actually a kind of "bullying the soft and afraid of the hard" behavior, but also a paranoid embodiment of the inferiority complex, this practice, but can not escape the inner inferiority, will only let themselves fall deeper and deeper, drive the family farther and farther, harm others and eventually harm themselves.
02. Extremely selfish, take off the mask internally
There is a kind of person who pays great attention to etiquette and socialization externally, and treats people too politely and friendly, which makes people unable to see through.
They do not please others because of inferiority or altruism, but in order to make their lives better, they deliberately please others, make a good impression, and establish a good reputation in society to win greater benefits.
This reminds me of the experience of netizen Fang Fang.
Her husband always creates a good old man character outside, and the company arranges overtime and is full of energy; Colleagues encounter difficulties and decisively help; The friend suffered a setback and was immediately comforted.
Some time ago, everyone was stocking up on medicine to fight the epidemic, and her husband brushed a message in the circle of friends - the sister of the group leader had a fever, so he immediately found the only 2 boxes of fever-reducing drugs left in the family and drove them overnight.
That night, Fang Fang's three-year-old son accidentally fell and injured himself and had to be sent to the hospital for treatment, but her husband was delayed in returning, leaving Fang Fang to find a way on her own. Helpless, Fang Fang had to take a taxi with her son alone and stay up late in the hospital alone to accompany her.
When he returned home the next day, his husband did not care about his son's injury, but scolded her, "Why did you stay in the hospital for so long, and didn't even come back to cook breakfast", and blamed her son for not walking well, and actually fell and injured at home!
This kind of person, wearing an altruistic mask on the outside, treats people politely, exquisitely, and does things that are beneficial to himself, no matter how hard and tired he is, he must rush to do it.
But as soon as I get home, I don't want to pretend to be flattering, I immediately take off the mask of hypocrisy, and the selfish appearance is revealed, and the real emotions hidden by excessive marketing outside are easy to vent at home.
This is actually a very selfish behavior, showing altruism for the sake of interests, in fact, in fact, the bones still do not know how to respect others, including family members.
When they treat outsiders, they dare not and cannot offend, and even use currying favor to seek opportunities for their own upgrades; And when treating his family, if he feels offended, he will be offended, and his family will not calculate the gains and losses with him anyway.
Some people call it "Be true to yourself in front of your family." As everyone knows, this is simply a kind of hypocritical egoism.
03. Extremely cowardly, only dares to bully his family
Zhang Jiajia said:
"Most of us don't know that the nest represents incompetence."
Wang Youde in the TV series "Happiness to Ten Thousand Homes" is a typical nest in Heng.
Wang Youde is always cautious outside, dare not go out in the atmosphere, hide when he sees something, let it go when he encounters something, lest he displease others, but when facing his family, he always "toughens" and dares to instruct and scold.
Once, Wang Youde and his wife Lin Guizhi went to Secretary Wan's house to make amends, and when he arrived at the door, he was very afraid in his heart, so he instructed his wife to knock on the door, and as a result, he scolded his wife for being too quiet, resulting in no hearing in the house.
After Wang Youde entered the door, without saying a word, he pulled his wife to kneel in front of the secretary to apologize, looking like a nest.
The secretary asked them what they were doing, but Wang Youde promised and couldn't say anything, but urged his wife to apologize and said loudly: "Say!" ”
In the face of Secretary Wan's rebuke, Wang Youde would only bow his head and echo: "Yes, yes, yes." ”
When the daughter-in-law annoyed Secretary Wan again, Wang Youdra took his wife to Secretary Wan's house to apologize, seeing that the Wan family did not let them enter the door, Wang Youde actually wanted to kneel directly at the gate, lest the reparation be in place.
He was very cowardly, did not dare to lose his temper with outsiders, only angered with his family, and beat and scolded his wife and children at every turn.
His daughter was studying finances while reading, and he didn't want to help the Wang family send joy candy gifts to the neighbors, so he dropped his daughter's book and cursed: "A female doll, is it useful to read all day?" "As far as your skills are concerned, is it useful to learn finance?" Your surname is Wang, not Wan, and you still want to climb the high branch? ”
In Wanjiazhuang, the surname Wang is a small family with no power, and Wang Youde has become weaker, timid and afraid in front of the Wanjiazhuang.
This kind of person, who has no skills of his own, does not dare to fight for his own interests in front of outsiders, and is very intimidated.
But when facing his family, he felt that his image had become tall, so he was no longer cowardly, but began to "nest and cross", sowing fire on his family, because they knew that his family was a soft persimmon, easy to bully, and would never leave.
Only dare to take the family out of anger, this is precisely a sign of cowardice and incompetence, not only can not fight for the interests of the family, but also crown the family with a "weak and deceptive" hat, let outsiders slaughter.
Such a person, his own cowardice is just that, if he "nests" for a long time, it will cause harm to his child's original family, and even affect the child's life.
04. Mei Niang said
If you meet a good-tempered person in life, you can carefully distinguish whether he is really good to people or hypocritical, selfish or cowardly.
People who still treat their families with respect are the ones who really deserve deep friendship.
Yishu said:
"The biggest mistake people see every day is to be too polite to strangers and too harsh to close people, change this habit, and the world will be peaceful."
Compared with outsiders, family members are the people we should protect the most, don't turn the relationship between outsiders and family members upside down.
Home is a warm harbor, is our armor, at the same time, we are also a strong backing of home, do not ruin it with bad temper and negative emotions.
The love and respect of the family cannot be an excuse and confidence to hurt the family.
Don't push your family farther and farther away, treat your family with love and respect, which is true love for your family.
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