She was subjected to domestic violence 16 times in 2 years, causing a dung bag for life, why didn't she divorce?

A while ago, a hot search made people angry and sad to watch:

#女子2年被老公家暴16次, hang a dung bag for life#

Ms. Xie from Chengdu, Sichuan, and her husband He have been subjected to domestic violence as many as 16 times within two years of marriage.

The other party was extremely ruthless, using methods such as beatings, binding, forcible feeding of medicine, verbal insults, and economic control.

Continuous domestic violence caused Ms. Xie's rib fracture, duodenum was contaminated, small intestine obstruction, and internal organs such as kidneys, pancreas, lungs and other internal organs were damaged to varying degrees.

The end result was that Ms. Xie suffered damage to many internal organs and needed to hang a manure bag for the rest of her life to survive.

At present, He has been criminally detained, and the case is in the stage of collecting evidence.

This nightmarish marriage caused severe physical and mental trauma to Ms. Xie.

This reminds me of the Shaanxi executive's domestic violence against his wife and daughter:

I think of a woman in Chongqing who was dragged by her husband and slapped by her husband in her arms:

Remembering the incident of a female executive in Hangzhou with an annual salary of one million and being subjected to domestic violence for 10 years:

Domestic violence incidents always seem to be common.

It should be the closest person, but it hurts you the most.

Domestic violence is a common problem faced by women all over the world.

The World Health Organization report finds that more than 1 in 3 women worldwide have experienced domestic violence.

Why are domestic violence incidents endless?

Why do men abuse their wives?

Why doesn't a woman who has been subjected to domestic violence leave?

Part.1

Men hit women

There is only one real reason

What kind of man is prone to domestic violence wife?

The common denominator of domestic violence men is not 100%, but the biggest impact is often growth experience.

For example, growing up in a family with serious patriarchal preference and lack of respect for women;

For example, the father has a tendency to domestic violence and has suffered greatly from it since childhood;

Another example is experiencing things in childhood that can't be vented or always hard to mind...

Another factor is that the more incompetent the man, the more instigated he is outside, the more arrogant he is at home.

However, there is only one fundamental reason for men to abuse women, that is:

He thinks he's beaten you!

Whether you are a full-time mom with a baby or a glamorous working woman, you may suffer from it.

Some people ask on the Internet, what kind of women are most vulnerable to domestic violence?

In my opinion, this is a false proposition, and no woman should be subjected to domestic violence.

If she breaks the law, there are laws to punish her;

If she does something that betrays her marriage, she can get a divorce.

But no one has the right to use violence to hurt another person.

The guilt of victims should not justify violence against women.

Part.2

A woman who has been subjected to domestic violence

Why not leave?

Every time such news happens, there will always be people who hate iron and say: Why not divorce?

Indeed, staying away from people and things that hurt you in time is the most correct and obvious choice.

But this is not an easy task for victims of domestic violence.

First, it's hard to make up your mind to get out of a masochistic relationship.

According to the American Alliance Against Domestic Violence:

85% of abused people are unable to leave a masochistic relationship completely.

Many women who are subjected to domestic violence will be mentally controlled by their husbands.

Mental manipulation is more terrifying than physical violence, it will make people feel that they are worthless, have no value in existence, and can not do anything after leaving each other, and the sky will fall.

In the incident of Shaanxi executives' domestic violence against his wife and daughter, the woman later posted that she was usually PUA by her husband.

This makes her feel that she is inferior everywhere, and only the other party can endure everything about herself.

There is a word in psychology called the gaslight effect, which refers to the emotional abuse, brainwashing and manipulation inflicted on the victim, so that the victim gradually loses self-esteem, produces self-doubt, and cannot escape.

This kind of mind control is like boiling a frog in warm water, which is often very hidden and difficult to detect.

When a woman puts herself in a position as low as dust, she gives the other party the right to hurt herself at will and trample on her dignity.

In the face of her husband's scolding, she will gradually lose her self-confidence and ability to resist.

If the other party apologizes and repents immediately after the violence, the soft-hearted woman will still have illusions, thinking that the other party will change his past mistakes, and thus choose to forgive again and again.

Second, there is no support from the family.

Parents and relatives will persuade themselves to bend and endure.

Third, their own economic capacity is insufficient.

Afraid to divorce for fear of not being able to support the children alone.

Fourth, bear the burden of humiliation for the sake of the child

In order to give the child a complete family, he would rather endure the burden of humiliation himself than leave.

In fact, domestic violence hurts children far more than divorce.

Part.3

You can't escape

You can't do without it

Even if you have the determination to leave, the support of your family, and a certain financial ability, it is not easy to really get rid of domestic violence.

The man who punched and kicked his wife was like a piece of dog skin plaster, which people could not shake off.

Once his wife filed for divorce, he would have terrible revenge and threats.

Either more brazen beatings by the dead hand;

Either it is to threaten the lives of children or mothers' families.

In short, you can't escape, you can't leave.

Many women, in order to get rid of domestic violence, even took their own lives.

Saw a legal report:

Among female violent repeat offenders in prisons everywhere, the proportion of husbands killed is high, in some cases as high as 70%.

Chai Jing did an anti-domestic violence "Women's Prison Investigation", interviewing women who had suffered domestic violence for many years and finally chose to break out in silence and kill their husbands.

Anwar was beaten for twenty years, blinded by her husband with a wine bottle in one eye, and even her children and mother-in-law were beaten by her husband.

In twenty years, she resisted only once, and for the last time, she killed her husband and went to prison.

More than 700 people in the village jointly petitioned the court to exempt her from punishment, and her mother-in-law, who was in her eighties, interceded for her:

"She can't help it, she can't help it!"

Xiaodou married her husband when she was fifteen years old, and after marriage, her husband did not allow her to talk to any man or even woman, not even with her own family, and he was worried that others would instigate his wife not to talk to him.

Without saying a word, he hit her, hung her up, and pumped her on her naked back with a belt, and the soles of her shoes were pumped at once.

He never punched her in the face, married for eight years, and Azuki never wore short-sleeved clothes.

What she is most afraid of is not being beaten, but not knowing when she will be beaten, and every moment, she is worried.

Sometimes, falling asleep in the middle of the night, she was awakened by her husband holding a knife to her neck;

Sometimes, her husband would suddenly give her a bottle of medicine and let her drink it to death.

The reason?

"He said you don't care why, because when you grow up, you die."

In the face of endless domestic violence,

They tried to endure it, but in exchange for it became more intense;

They have tried to ask relatives and friends for help, usually to persuade her to endure;

They tried divorce, and were greeted with even more violent beatings from their husbands.

The last blow that they couldn't bear made them lose their entire lives, either indefinitely, or with a reprieve...

Part.4

Domestic violence is illegal

You must take up the legal weapon to protect yourself

People's Daily has clearly stated in response to domestic violence incidents:

Once domestic violence occurs, it is no longer a family affair, it is an illegal act.

The essence of domestic violence is intentional injury, violence is cloaked in the coat of "home", it is still violence, and there must be zero tolerance for domestic violence!

Note: Domestic violence refers not only to physical violence, but also to psychological violence, sexual violence, cold violence, etc.

In the face of domestic violence, you should take up the legal weapon and "beat" it back!

If there is someone around you who has been subjected to domestic violence, please tell her to call the police in time, keep evidence, and seek help.

First, call the police in time.

There is also a lot of learning in this:

Be sure to call the 110 police number with the recording function, not the police station phone or the police mobile phone number.

Clearly inform the police that it is domestic violence, and ask to go to the police station to make a record, stating that it is "domestic violence", not pushing and shoving.

Ask to take pictures and videos of your wounds, and record your face when recording videos, otherwise you cannot prove that it is you who is injured.

Regardless of the severity of the injury, it is required to issue a commissioned injury examination form, apply for an injury examination, and obtain an injury appraisal report.

Strongly require the police to issue a warning against domestic violence, which has legal effect and is strong evidence of domestic violence.

Doing so also lets the other person know that this is not a family affair, it is an illegal act.

Second, install invisible cameras to collect direct evidence.

If the other party also has intimidation, abuse, threats, etc., remember to record and take screenshots.

Third, seek other help.

For example, seek help from the neighborhood committee and women's federation in your area;

The detailed certificates issued by the neighborhood committee and the women's federation are also very useful for subsequent prosecution and rights protection.

Call the 12338 women's hotline for legal advice;

Call the local women's psychological counseling number, or find a psychological counselor to alleviate the damage to your heart.

Fear, anger, shame, hatred, depression and other emotions, these are the normal reactions that everyone who has been subjected to domestic violence will have.

These emotions need to be channeled, otherwise it is easy to accumulate illness, you must not suppress yourself, you can release them by yelling, running, singing, punching sandbags, etc.

In short, I hope that every woman who is suffering from domestic violence can understand:

It's not your fault that you've been subjected to domestic violence,

Don't be brainwashed by the abuser and the supporters behind him;

You are not fighting alone,

You can take up legal weapons to protect yourself;

Be brave enough to stand up,

You yourself are your own best "savior"!