laitimes

A man beats his daughter by picking a chair to find his wife's whereabouts, how can a child under domestic violence save himself?

In modern society, domestic violence incidents occur frequently, the forms are diversified, domestic violence directly affects family harmony, undermines social stability, and as a social problem, domestic violence has always received widespread attention from society.

01

The man beat his daughter with a chair in search of his wife's whereabouts

On March 20, a netizen in Hunan uploaded a video in which a man picked up a chair and smashed the girl on the ground several times, even through the screen, you can feel the weight of the man's attack.

Insiders said that the batterer and the beaten were father and daughter, and the wife went out to work to avoid her husband's domestic violence, and the man could only ask for his wife's address through his daughter, and even threatened to "kill" his wife.

The daughter was worried about her mother's safety and refused to disclose it, so she was beaten by her father many times, and even did not hesitate to beat her daughter to the ground with a chair to "torture" her wife's whereabouts.

I have to say that such a scene makes people feel shocked after seeing it, and it directly reminds me of a drama I watched when I was a child called "Don't Talk to Strangers", such a scene is simply the same as the plot inside.

When I was a child, I naively thought that this kind of domestic violence man only existed in TV series, but when I grew up, I slowly found that there would be good friends around me in the vortex of domestic violence, and after work, I understood that domestic violence is a very common phenomenon.

Domestic violence refers to acts that occur between family members and use beating, binding, confinement, mutilation or other means to harm and destroy family members physically, mentally and sexually.

Domestic violence seems to us to be someone else's business, far away from ourselves, but you know what?

According to the statistics of the Women's Federation, 30% of married women in 270 million families in the country have suffered domestic violence, and 70% of the perpetrators beat not only their wives but also their children. Moreover, to some extent, violence by parents, fathers and children or against their own siblings is also domestic violence, especially violence against children, which is far more serious and far-reaching than domestic violence between husband and wife.

02

How much does domestic violence affect children?

The impact of domestic violence on a person is profound and huge, macroscopic speaking, one is the destruction of the body, and the other is the destruction of the spirit.

Influencing gender socialization

Domestic violence is often "circular" and directly affects the gender bias of the next generation.

For boys, living in a violent family for a long time and witnessing the violence of their parents will form the idea of relying on power or fists to win dignity, and subtly form violent tendencies.

In this case, girls are easily influenced by traditional gender concepts, realizing that these are normal social phenomena, forming gender prejudice and inferiority of "strong men and weak women" and "male superiority and female inferiority", which is not conducive to the psychological quality of growth.

Influence relationships

Domestic violence has a significant impact on children's interpersonal, social interaction and social adjustment.

They experience severe anxiety, low self-esteem, emotional distress and low social adaptability, and are unable to establish stable relationships with others due to insecurity and fear, leading to interpersonal alienation.

Affects children's intellectual learning

A British study of 1116 pairs of 5-year-old identical or fraternal twins showed that children who witnessed domestic violence had an average IQ level 8 points lower than children who had not experienced it.

At the same time, children who witness domestic violence can also suffer from insomnia, inability to concentrate in class, decreased academic performance, and even boredom and truancy due to anxiety and violent scenes in their sleep.

Affecting juvenile delinquency

Travis Hirsch, a famous contemporary British criminologist in his theory of social control, regards whether children are attached to their parents as a key factor in juvenile delinquency. A good relationship between parents and children is the first step in the traditional expectations and expectations of children, and a discordant family atmosphere leads to a rigid relationship between parents and children, and children will not be able to learn from their parents a moral code of conduct that conforms to social norms.

Studies from Massachusetts have shown that children who grow up in violent families are 74 times more likely to commit crime and 50 times more likely to use drugs and alcohol.

Adolescents are in a period of great changes in psychosomatic development, and children at this stage have large emotional changes, poor inhibition ability, and no ability to distinguish right from wrong, and parents' behavior will have a great impact on the child's psychology.

Domestic violence will make children rough personality, emotionally depressed, and produce a psychology of advocating violence, and some even have sexual psychological disorders, such as "heterosexual" or "homosexuality", etc., and once such psychology appears, it is very difficult to correct.

Psychologist research has shown that adolescent aggressive behavior is persistent, 6-10 years old aggressive behavior can predict performance at 10-14 years old, and 8-year-old aggressive behavior can predict aggressive behavior at age 30.

In other words: once a teenager has such bad behavior, without good education and intervention, it will affect his life.

03

How to get rid of the shadow of childhood domestic violence?

Combating domestic violence requires a concerted effort on the part of all of us. In China, due to the poison of thousands of years of "male superiority and female inferiority" ideology and the influence of traditional concepts, many people will think that domestic violence is a family affair, and even "family ugliness cannot be publicized".

In a questionnaire, 57.51 per cent believed that domestic violence was a family affair, and many people thought that domestic violence was simply physical torture, but in fact domestic violence was also mental torture.

For the handling of domestic violence, some people choose to endure for the sake of their families and children; Some people choose to fight violence with violence, and some children endure cold violence, beatings, and abuse from their parents for a long time, and finally flee the family.

I remember that when Carina Liu was in the shadow of "sexual assault", Lin Qingxia gave her twelve words: accept it, face it, solve it, and let go of it.

Such an answer is also true for today's topic.

First, we need to get rid of the victim's thinking

Children who grow up under domestic violence are prone to victim thinking, because being in the vulnerable side of the family for a long time, coupled with the inability to escape the victim's harm, will form a behavior that ignores their own subjective initiative.

You can try to deal with the hurt you have suffered in the past in a new way, take the initiative to take some steps to help yourself, understand the people who bring you pain, no matter which one of your parents, has their own suffering, and ask yourself whether you can understand them.

Accept yourself and see yourself

If you want to get rid of the shadow of childhood, children who grow up in domestic violence must accept themselves, see their vulnerability, be considerate of themselves, and seek professional help when necessary.

If you can't face it, then meet them less and avoid bringing back painful memories.

Plan your future

The family of origin cannot be changed, but there must be a choice to choose one's own family. Just like the fruit tree outside, when the fruit is ripe, even if no one picks it, it will fall to the ground and take root and grow into a towering tree.

Therefore, do not focus too much energy on unchangeable things, the future is your own, and you must re-choose your own right to live.

I once saw a sentence on the Internet:

"I have always felt that a child who lives in a good family atmosphere is lucky, because he has seen what good feelings look like, so he has a keen sense of healthy love, and it is naturally easier to run in the right direction." But those children who live in quarrelsome, alienated and indifferent families have no idea what is good, and it takes a lot of effort to kick away the bad ones to know which way is right. ”

As the saying goes: "People who have a happy childhood are healed by childhood all their lives, and unfortunate people are cured of childhood all their lives".

Therefore, whether it is a man or a woman, I hope to be able to stay away from domestic violence, and to be able to get out of the shadow of domestic violence, and I also look forward to giving more love and support to all children.

Read on