The mother was subjected to domestic violence, and the daughter cried on the whole network with a note: what a home without love means to children
Author: The main creative group Xiaotian
What will be the child's reaction to the emotional discord between parents?
Not long ago, there was a domestic violence case in Chongqing. For unknown reasons, a man suddenly beat his wife in the bedroom in the early hours of the morning.
I saw him pushing the other party to the ground like crazy, cursing incessantly, and holding an unextinguished cigarette butt in his hand.
Facing the violent father, their daughter cried and wanted to step forward to persuade, but was almost hit by the mobile phone he threw fiercely.
Until the father scolded and left the room, the little girl ran out of bed and hugged her painful and helpless mother like a little warrior.
Afterwards, the child wrote a note to his mother. She said:
"Mom, I'll talk to you when you divorce, if you can't worry about your brother, I can also talk to my father."
"Mom, you can live if you think about it, don't force yourself if you don't want to."
After reading the note, the mother burst into tears instantly. In fact, her husband is not good to her, she has not only experienced miscarriage but also domestic violence, and has been hurt to the point of discouragement.
For all this, it turns out that the nine-year-old daughter has long seen it in her eyes and understands everything. This young child is unwilling to let marriage become a bondage of his mother, and also respects his mother's wishes.
At the same time, she sincerely longed to continue living with her mother, but after carefully making her wish, she was worried that her mother would not be able to let go of her young brother, so she was willing to make sacrifices and give her mother to her younger brother.
As soon as the news came out, it immediately caused tears on the whole network. Netizens shouted one after another, encouraging the mother to take her daughter away from the scumbag and start over.
The experience of this family taught people to feel a lot of emotion. Such a good child, only nine years old, should obviously play and coquette carefree in the arms of his parents, but in reality it is very distressing!
Washington Irving, the father of American literature, once said, "It is wise for a well-bred adult to make children feel that family is the happiest place in the world." ”
It has been proven time and again that nothing is more important to children than parental affection.
Having a warm and loving family environment is the best gift for growth.
What happened to the child whose parents always quarreled?
Seen such a short video.
A teacher asks students in class: "What are your troubles?" ”
One of the little boys, when he opened his mouth to answer, suddenly covered his face and cried.
He sobbed and said intermittently that his parents quarreled every day, and now the two didn't even say a word. He doesn't know what to do now.
At a young age, he was so preoccupied. Across the screen, many netizens couldn't help but break their defenses and cry.
In the child's world, parents are their heaven, their pillars and dependents. And if parents always treat each other violently, it is tantamount to the child's sky falling, the sense of security is gone, and the happy childhood is gone.
The Thai animated short film "Quarrelsome Parents" vividly portrays this scene.
Late one night, the little girl accidentally witnessed her parents' fight. They scuffle with each other, like two terrifying monsters, hideous and creepy.
And this has also become an eternal nightmare in the little girl's heart.
The American Psychological Association report states that "if children are chronically placed in families where parental conflict often occurs, they will have more behavioral and academic problems, such as aggressive behavior, antisocial behavior, low self-image, and depression." ”
We always think that children don't understand. As everyone knows, the violent factors when the relationship between husband and wife are in an emergency have already left indelible scars on the background of the child's life.
When parents hurt each other, children are destined to be the biggest victims.
Forcing together for the sake of children is the biggest misunderstanding of family education
After the news at the beginning appeared on the hot search, many netizens expressed their opinions. Among them, there is such a popular message, which makes people fall into deep thought:
"Can you hold on any longer? The children of divorced families are really unhappy. ”
In real life, this is exactly the choice of many families.
In "Interview with Ryoko", there was a guest Aunt Wu. At the age of 66, she finally made up her mind to divorce her husband.
Before this, her relationship with her husband had actually broken down long ago, and even after the birth of her two daughters, she saw through her husband's selfish and irresponsible true face and decided not to continue living with him.
However, Aunt Wu never divorced. When talking about the reason, she confessed that this is to give her daughter a complete home and not let them be rejected because of single-parent families.
It wasn't until years later, when both daughters started a family, that she survived for herself once with the support of her children.
Obviously, the relationship between husband and wife has long disappeared, and the relationship is full of holes. But for the sake of the children, he still chose to continue to live together. Such forbearance and repression, we think it will be beneficial to the growth of children, but is the result really so?
In the program "Consensus", teacher Yu Minhong pointed out: "Whether or not you have children is not the most important condition for maintaining marriage. ”
A nine-year follow-up study by the University of Leeds in the United Kingdom showed that "the latter has a greater negative impact on children than divorce and parents who do not divorce but argue all day." ”
In fact, barely maintaining a marriage in name only, allowing couples to consume each other in constant violence and mistrust, will not bring more benefits to children.
After all, what children really need is complete family functioning, not family structure.
Compared with whether the parents' marriage is complete or not, the love of parents is not absent, and it is always more critical and important for children.
The complete love of parents is the greatest strength for children's growth
Of course, for education, a warm and harmonious family atmosphere must be a prerequisite.
What is the experience of parental affection? On Zhihu, there is a netizen's answer that is particularly representative:
"There are not only loving parents, but also loving ancestors.
When my grandfather was in his 70s, he would express his love for his grandmother in a suicide note prepared in advance, and his uncles and grandmothers are now in their 90s, and they have more than diamond marriages, and they have never seen them quarrel, and they will always be in pairs.
This feeling is more convincing than all books, words, movies and television that there is love in this world, and there is a bland is a true blessing, and these have little to do with wealth, fame, and status. ”
And in the variety show "Little Don't Shhh", a little girl's answer is even more vivid:
"[Seeing my parents show affection] makes me feel like I'm lying under a warm quilt, and even if I'm in a cold cellar, I don't feel very cold."
Love is passed on and it continues. This "dog food" from parents is a warm nourishment and powerful armor that can make children feel confident that they are always bathed in love, so that they can grow up confidently.
As the educator Sukhomlinsky said in "Parental Pedagogy":
"I can recognize at a glance a child whose parents love each other deeply, passionately, loyally, and dependently. Children who grow up in such an environment have a gentle and kind heart, a quiet heart, a healthy heart, and a sincere belief in the beauty of people. ”