Children and grandchildren are free and children are blessed, and I am blessed with my father's care of children

Text | Thirteenth sister

One of my recent "Developmental Psychology" classes was about "parenting", and as many of my friends may have guessed, this is my specialty.

Our professor herself has no children, and her understanding of "family parenting" is theoretical at best, while I, along the way, have no theory, only practice.

Others learn knowledge from the teacher, and I follow the teacher to review and summarize the lessons learned.

The teacher said that compared with parents in Western society, Chinese parents have the following characteristics in parenting style:

Chinese parents have more control, and they tend to give more instructions in teaching their children and scheduling to cultivate higher self-control and a high sense of accomplishment.

Chinese parents, often influenced by Confucian social thought, seem less kind, more serious and authoritative than their Western counterparts.

Chinese parents believe that too much praise will make their children arrogant, complacent, and less motivated.

Chinese parents' overly strict control of children can lead to negative effects such as anxiety, depression, stress and aggressive behavior compared to Western children.

Seeing this, what is said is a common phenomenon and a high probability situation, almost all of them cannot be refuted, right? And you're already starting to reflect on yourself, right?

Immediately afterwards, the professor changed his words:

But studies have shown that Chinese fathers show the same warmth as white Western fathers...

Boy! The irrefutable characteristics of the "Chinese parents" you mentioned earlier basically refer to "Chinese mothers"?

You can't say that you are piercing your heart, you can only say that you are too heart-piercing.

What I found was more heart-wrenching was not the results of the study that the teacher said, but that I could not refute the results of this study.

I never expected that my Chinese father's international reputation was so good.

Originally thought that the family ugliness could not be publicized, but the family ugliness we thought was filtered in the field of human psychologist research, well, just like a crab in the gutter into Yangcheng Lake, and then caught up is a high-quality product.

I thought about it again, and the experts used the word "warm", which was quite delicate.

You see, they didn't say "Chinese dads are as responsible as white Western dads", nor did they say "Chinese dads bring babies like white Western dads", they said "Chinese dads are as warm as white Western dads".

For the first time, I began to face up to this simple word: "warmth."

What does it mean when a father shows "warmth" to his child? Oh, I see.

When Mom sings blackface, he and thin mud. For children, this is very warm.

When his mother urged homework, he said, "What does it matter if you don't do your homework?" "It's also warm for kids.

When Mom didn't allow the baby to do this and that, he said, "What's not to do here?" "It's very warm for children.

When the mother spent three months making a lot of rules for the baby, he spent ten seconds breaking the rules. For children, it is already warm and a little hot.

When the mother is ready to register for the baby, yes, sign up for the class and ask her husband, and ask the end of the whole play... For children, this is already as hot as a sauna.

Thinking about it carefully, from the perspective of "family parenting model" alone, Chinese mothers are flood beasts and make every effort to make things difficult for their children; Chinese dad is nourished by the spring breeze and saves the baby from fire and water. Can this not be warm!

Suddenly, the past exploded in my head... Dad is warm? It seems that my son thinks so too...

I suddenly understood his little essay "____ is really hard" in the second grade of elementary school. At that time, when I saw this semi-propositional composition, the erhu background music tailored for me had already sounded in my ears, the north wind was bleak, the sky and the earth were vast, and the image of a great old mother was about to rise!

I mentioned in my heart that the belly script was typed - "Mother gave birth to me hard, a handful of and a handful of urine pulled me up, I ate braised pork, she gnawed the nest head, I was sick, she ran before and after, played with me everywhere on holidays, and told me to study, worked hard to exhaust myself and gain dozens of pounds..."

It's a pity that this essay didn't move China, nor did it move myself, because the last time I looked at my son's text, people wrote "Dad is really hard".

The reason is that my father actually rushed to school to pick him up from school one day after returning from a business trip... A kind old father, a dust servant with the decadent atmosphere of the frontier and the vicissitudes of alpacas whistling, went through hardships and demons along the way, stepped on the ups and downs, trembled through hardships and dangers, and rushed for three days and three nights just to be able to brave the rain to pick up his son from school at the first time, and did not bring an umbrella. Isn't this touching?

At that time, I only thought that my son could not see through the substance, but now I understand that it is he who sees through the substance.

After so many years, I found that the essence he saw through has indeed been certified by international research.

How did the old Chinese father effortlessly obtain the label of "warmth", and win the hearts of his children without changing their faces?

It seems that the omnipotent and indestructible mothers have overcome all demons and monsters, carried all hardships and hardships, but they have capsized in the gutter, and in this world, the only natural enemy of mothers may be fathers.

I remember when my son's kindergarten class was small, the teacher asked the children to talk about "my favorite person", there were 30 children in the class, only 5 said "my favorite person is my mother", and the rest were either dad or grandfather, grandfather... Male parents may be the biggest winners in the field of Chinese parenting.

Everyone, now you understand why male parents can have a place in their children's hearts, which is the meaning of studying psychology and believing in scientific empirical research.

This is not fortune-telling, not gossip, and even more so that you can change your fate if you know an MBTI, but science, science!

The "warmth" of Chinese fathers is gifted and scientifically based.

Then again, we moms really need to think about it, do fathers really have parenting attitudes that are worth learning?

Before my son was young, I was anxious and stressed every day, and I was not such a person, because I was immersed in the "mom pile" every day during that time. The overloaded mental pressure of mothers will transform into each other, and whenever I finish talking to my mothers, I turn my head to face the light, windy and waveless child and his father, I can't get angry——

"Why am I the only one planning for my son's future, and you have no sense of urgency, never care about any small promotion, and even care about the international situation?"

Now I finally understand that it is this indifferent temperament that makes Chinese fathers "warm".

Moms are bouncing around like inflated tires in the morning, while dads might whisper at the breakfast table talking to their kids about GMOs and the soccer team.

Mothers have all kinds of restrictions on the baby in their life and living, they can't do this or touch that, and the father may take advantage of the mother's absence to take the baby out of the cage of human nature and break all boundaries.

Mothers take their babies out always afraid of wolves and tigers, and they are extremely well protected, while fathers will take their children to take unusual paths, everything is based on the premise of fun, and they don't care if they need two stitches on their legs.

You think that your child's "Daddy Is Really Hard" is indiscriminate, but in fact, they really don't.

But what is the way, when a mother really should find more reasons in himself.

What do Chinese mothers lack the most? - What is missing is a sense of relaxation.

We always want to do our best and do our best in taking care of our children's lives; In the management of the baby's learning, I always want to leave no regrets and worry about everything; On the way to cultivate children's growth, I always feel that I should lead the way and not be left behind...

Chinese mothers are shocked by Zhang Sanli's neighbors "other people's children" every day, and are demonized by all kinds of "Chinese mothers should have three heads and six arms and steel is not bad" all-round mode PUA, and finally the child is not necessarily brought well, but he is also taken bad...

In fact, we may really learn from fathers in this regard, be light, relax, use strength on a limited blade, bring the child into an optimistic, positive, healthy person is the bottom line, the rest, if you have spare strength, use a little, if not, relax your mood, wait for the flowers to bloom.

Don't always think that "dad can't bring children" and "I have to do it myself", I actually know this. Let the child mix with the father more, we turn a blind eye, anyway, it is his own, it is not bad, at most it will not bring the realm you want.

But then again, isn't the realm you want really too high?

It is not difficult to improve the "warmth" level of mothers, just meditate every day: children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren, and fathers are blessed with children.