When school started, a teacher's mother gave parents a 4-piece set of "saving your life", and the sentence is the truth!
Author: Main Creative Group Fireworks March
On the first day of the new semester, the mom group exploded.
"I'm going to get up at 5 a.m. every day to cook for my kids again."
"You are content, the child does not have to study, just let you cook." In my family, as long as school starts, I don't have a smooth weather. ”
"You still have me miserable! On the third day of school, he was found by the teacher, and he dug in class, writing only five words in a class. ”
……
Indeed, when children are on holiday, parents are eager to start school sooner.
When school starts, children have pressure to study, and parents have all kinds of pressures.
The following four suggestions were summed up by a senior class teacher friend, hoping to give parents practical ways to spend each day with their children peacefully.
No fighting
Once saw a news, 12-year-old boy Lei is usually not motivated, he loves to be naughty and mischievous, and he does not obey discipline, which is very headache.
Dad educated again and again, the boy did not listen again and again, Dad was very annoyed, competed with the boy, and corrected the boy's problems with violence.
Once, he came home playing until midnight, and when his father saw that he was angry, he went up and slapped him twice.
"Went out again and went crazy until midnight to come back! How many times have I said you! ”
The boy tilted his head and glared back at his father with an angry expression.
Dad continued to roar:
"How many times have I hit you, why don't you remember long?
I'd rather see if it's your guts or my fists..."
The boy still didn't speak, just tears in his eyes.
Dad thought that this time the boy had softened, but he didn't expect the boy to run away from home while Dad was not paying attention.
This walk lasted for two days and one night, and there was no news, and the whole family was in a hurry.
After a long search by the police, the boy was able to return home safely.
When the police asked the boy why he ran away from home, the boy shed tears of grievance and said:
"Dad beats me a lot, I just want to give him some dismount."
The boy's answer was childish but thought-provoking.
There should have been a flow of warmth between parents and children, but because of the father's "hard-to-head" approach, education evolved into "competition".
Fortunately, there is no danger, if something happens to the boy, Dad will also hold a grudge for the rest of his life.
There is a "Hercules effect" in psychology, which refers to the socio-psychological effect of mutual retaliation between people or groups, resulting in deeper and deeper hatred.
This kind of hatred can make people lose their minds, and it will also make people fall into endless troubles and anxieties.
In the parent-child relationship, it is manifested as the negative resistance of "you can't get by with me, and I won't let you be happy".
Therefore, in the process of educating children, competition is not a good method, and it is more effective to overcome rigidity with softness.
Using gentle mouths and hands to touch and melt children's frozen hearts will often receive double the effect with half the effort.
No nagging
Some time ago, my girlfriend told me about her daughter who was promoted to the fifth grade.
In order to let her daughter remember some things in her heart, her girlfriends always repeat a sentence 5 or 6 times.
Before my daughter would not feel annoyed, she just listened and did silently.
However, this summer vacation, my daughter was like a changed person, ignoring her words.
Once, after reading a book, her daughter casually spread the book on the desk and prepared to go to bed.
After the girlfriend saw it, she immediately said that she had to organize the book and develop good habits.
After saying it twice, and as soon as she said a word in the third time, her daughter rolled out of bed and reached out to sweep the book to the floor.
"Talk about it, you know how annoying you are!"
The girlfriend was stunned by her daughter's behavior and also angry.
Later, the girlfriend consulted her daughter's homeroom teacher, and from the teacher, she learned what the problem was.
It turns out that as the child grows up and his knowledge and skills grow, if the parents are still nagging in the child's ear like when they were children, the child will not only not listen, but also cause the child's rebellion prematurely.
Studies have also shown that the frequency of repetition has an "inverted U curve" with the effect of persuasion.
In other words, the same thing, the parent repeats it a certain number of times, but the child does not listen.
The bitter words and nagging words of parents are like the tightening curse of Tang monks, which will only make children more and more annoyed the more they listen, and gradually distance themselves from their parents.
Instead of constantly preaching, it is better to give the child more understanding and trust, so that the child can move forward lightly.
Not agitated
The dialogue between a mother and daughter in "Young Man Says" left a deep impression on me.
Once, the girl did not do well in mathematics and only scored 50 points.
Mom opening her mouth is sarcasm:
"Gag! You are such a talent!
If you do this again, you won't go to school.
Where to stay cool! ”
The mother couldn't get used to the skirt that the girl asked her father to buy, and said with a look of disgust:
"What is your vision? It's dirty, ugly, cheap and naïve, why did you buy it back? Do decorations? ”
Because of her mother's "agitated" way, the girl felt painful.
Li Jinbo, an expert in applied psychology, said:
"I only saw one kind of radical method in a book: the Book of Soldiers. There is only one kind of object: the enemy. There is only one goal: to stimulate the enemy.
But whenever parents use the radical method to cultivate their children into talents, it has nothing to do with the radical method, that is, the child itself is particularly strong. ”
It is wrong from the beginning to use the methods of treating the enemy in educating children.
Because the parent-child relationship between parents and children is flesh and blood, it is never a hostile relationship.
Some parents think that by giving their children some stimulation in words, the child will be ashamed and courageous and meet the requirements of their parents.
In fact, those negative, humiliating, and sarcastic words and deeds will only make children feel that they are bad, become less and less confident, and hate themselves more and more.
Wise parents use gentle and firm words and deeds to subtly influence their children and stimulate their inner strength.
Don't yell
"Roaring baby is cool for a while, roaring over regretting the intestines", many parents have this feeling in the process of educating their children.
When the child is disobedient, a roar and scolding, the child has indeed become much more honest, but the dark wounds caused by the yelling will bury hidden dangers for the child's growth.
I think of Gao Wenying in the Korean drama "Although It's Neurotic, It's Okay".
On the surface, she is a sweet-looking, decent fairy tale writer, but inside she is a serious "antisocial personality".
In the fairy tales she wrote, the beautiful appearance has always been the witch, and the princess has never been kind and beautiful in general cognition.
She is so because she never perceived beauty in her childhood, and her childhood color was gray-black.
Her mother was extremely emotionally unstable, often dropping things because of a little thing that didn't go her way, yelling at her, making her overwhelmed and constantly in a nervous mood.
Just because she was returning home with a boy, she was locked and forced by her mother:
"Why did you bring him back?"
She shivered in front of her mother, but her mother turned a blind eye and was still hysterical.
She has been poisoned by her mother's negative emotions for a long time, and she can no longer see the beauty and true feelings in life, she seems to have become a strange appearance of black and gray throughout, and the gray color extends to the work.
I once saw an anonymous netizen's sharing on Zhihu:
"My father had a very bad temper and often yelled at me inexplicably, and I always lived carefully, afraid that I would not know when I would be yelled at again, which caused me to be very sensitive in the long run.
Once the attitude of others changes, they begin to reflect on whether they are not doing well enough, feeling that they are always inferior and unworthy of love. ”
Children who endure the yelling of their parents have a level of fear and despair in their hearts that is comparable to being forced into a corner by a few tigers.
Quit yelling, "whispering education" is a compulsory course for parents and the best gift parents can give their children.
Children will feel fortunate to be loved and will learn the ability to love others.
The more they grow up, the more they find that they were once children who were treated gently, with energy in their bodies and a retreat behind them, and they can resist the ups and downs of the outside world.
Parents are emotionally stable, and children are rich in heart
Lin Yutang said: "A person with clear thinking and emotional stability will bring people a sense of security. ”
When parents are emotionally stable, the family will be warm, and children will have peace of mind and longer development.
Remember the fifth season of the variety show "The Strongest Brain", the boy You Guanqun known as the "genius boy"?
In the finals, You Guanqun unexpectedly lost, facing the child's loss in the competition, Xiao You's mother not only did not show the slightest sense of blame, but also specially wrote a letter to the program team.
In her letter, she wrote:
"At the scene of the game, Xiao You's captain walked up to the stage and hugged him, and Xiao You said to the captain, I'm sorry, I disappointed you.
At this moment, I couldn't help crying, I thought, this is the biggest gain of this competition, losing a game, winning a new life, although Xiao You loses You Rong. ”
This letter full of indifference and encouragement must have soothed You Guanqun, who lost the game, and I believe that he will definitely gain the courage to accept failure calmly from his mother, stand bravely, meet the challenge, and walk a good life path steadily.
When the child loses the game, the mother is not disappointed, there is no reprimand, some is understanding and encouragement.
It is really the luck and happiness of the child to have such an emotionally stable mother.
Parents' stable emotions are the best nutrition for children's good character development.
Lawrence Cohen, an American child clinical psychologist, said:
"Every child has a cup in his body that needs to be filled with love, attention, care and understanding."
Parents are the best candidates to fill their children's cups.
As long as parents are emotionally stable, have love in their hearts, and have light in their eyes, children will naturally grow up to be gentle and motivated.