Why, so many parents dare not make their children happy?

Wen 丨 Fish Dad Image source: Meisu Gallery

1

Do you know?

Children are not always happy, they can also feel sad, anxious, lonely.

Although they always seem to be forgetful, they just cried sadly, and in a blink of an eye.

But the heart that has been repeatedly hurt will still be pierced with a small hole.

Slowly, I became more and more unhappy.

They are not as strong as we think, don't always hurt them.

Why are more and more children becoming unhappy?

A study published in 2018 showed that the proportion of children and adolescents in China experiencing depressive symptoms was 19.85%, and even 23.7% among children and adolescents in the central region.

This is a very alarming statistic, meaning that one in five children may have depressive symptoms.

According to the National Mental Health Report (2019-2020), the detection rate of severe depression in children from the fourth to sixth grades of primary school is only 1.9%~3.3%, but among children in junior high school, the proportion rises to 7.6%~8.6%. In high school children, the detection rate of severe depression is as high as 10.9%~12.5%.

As we age, the overall level of depression also climbs significantly.

When you see these data, do you feel very panicked and worried about your child's psychological condition?

But that's it, there are still many parents who dare not make their children happy.

2

Anxious me, how dare I make you easy and happy!

A few days ago, I met a mother who sent her daughter to kindergarten.

When I looked at my school bag, it was not a public kindergarten outside our community, but another kindergarten nearby.

"Why didn't I read this kindergarten outside, it's closer!" I asked.

I originally thought that it was because of the shortage of student places and did not queue up.

"I don't teach anything there, I play every day, I don't want to send her!"

I didn't expect the answer to be this.

Indeed, there are still kindergartens that quietly teach things such as arithmetic and literacy.

These can gain the favor of some parents who choose to send their children over.

"It doesn't matter if your child goes to kindergarten and plays more, at least it's very happy!" I say.

"Happiness is happiness, but if you can't keep up in elementary school, you won't be happy."

"In the future, I will also take the middle school entrance examination, college entrance examination, you see that the exam is so difficult now"

The chatterbox opened all at once.

Anxiety can ignite that common thing in almost every parent's heart.

Am I not the same?

It's like a train that we have to get on, we all get on a platform and get off at a different place to go to our destination.

They all hope to find a path that suits their children.

Sometimes, I really miss the days when Little Fish didn't go to school yet.

I can go to the river in the country and carry a few bags of sand back for him.

Then he fell in the corner of the yard and let him take the small branch and play the game of planting trees on the sand pile.

What a "useless" thing that seems.

It is obviously a small twig, how can it be planted alive?

Spend most of the day looking for sand, and then watch him work quietly for an hour alone.

But I feel very happy.

But now?

Always urging him to do his homework and urge him to go to class.

The child is still the happy and innocent child.

But I found that it was myself who changed.

I became more anxious.

Actually, think about it calmly, what is there to be afraid of?

I could have been a little more peaceful and accompanied him through every stage.

Many parents say that they give their children a lot, but their children do not feel happy.

There are even children who say, "You just don't want me to be happy." ”

This is because what children care about is not the same as what parents care about.

What children like, parents don't.

The child is disgusted, but the parents cling to it.

If there is no democratic dialogue and equal communication at home.

In its place are words and endless invective.

Then this child will definitely not be happy.

Even if the material conditions are good, buy him more toys as a reward.

It won't be happy either.

3

There are still a lot of unhappy, the source compares.

For example, when we asked Xiao Xiaoyu's grades, he always said that so-and-so classmate did not do well in the test, the score was not high, and so-and-so classmate was similar to himself.

"Alas! He never compared with those students with high scores, and always compared with those who did not do well. Mom said.

"Actually, what's wrong with that! He also does this to reduce the pressure on himself, if he always compares to the good, the pressure will be great! This way he can be a little more happy. ”

This is my real thought, these years have not been very demanding on his grades, but have spent a lot of thought on his study habits and attitude.

Because I don't want him to have heavy academic pressure in elementary school.

When children "don't compare with those powerful" classmates, don't mock or force them to chase.

Doesn't life experience tell us that compared with others, there are always people who are better than you and have a better life than you, and the more you compare, the more uncomfortable.

So I expect children to see learning not as a burden, but as a joy.

Even if it needs to suffer a little, suffer a little.

But he can also break and eat it, and not crush him like a mountain, breathless.

Love your own child and affirm his abilities.

In this way, children will be much more relaxed and happy in learning.

4

As a parent, you must also learn to adjust and make yourself happy.

Because parents' different attitudes towards things will affect children's mood and judgment.

If parents pay close attention, children will also want to do a good job.

But what children want to express is sometimes ignored by parents.

I once saw a case where a little boy was very serious about telling his mother stories, beating his back, and washing his feet during the holidays, wanting to make his mother happy, but his mother had been focusing on playing with his mobile phone, and he wrote in his diary, "My mood is greatly reduced."

Children sometimes come home from school in a huff.

He did not ask the reason, but blamed the child for not understanding things and lost his temper as soon as he returned home.

It's strange that he can't see his parents working hard.

In this way, the child will also shut up when things happen in the future.

Children hold their award-winning handmade creations and want to share them with their parents.

But the parents didn't look at it, and directly said, "Hurry up and do your homework, don't engage in these useless things." ”

The smile on the child's face disappeared instantly.

We can create small joys for children.

Please listen to your child's voice, meet your child's reasonable needs, and give him some small surprises.

For example, on May Day, prepare ice cream and potato chips and indulge together.

We have a game console at home, and many friends will be surprised.

How would I buy a game console for my child.

In fact, this game console was bought for me and Xiaoxiaoyu.

We occasionally play together on holidays or on weekends.

It's also a way to relax.

It is a good thing to have a good time and experience without addiction.

I remember once taking small fish to eat barbecue and found that he especially liked to eat pickles.

I quietly placed an order the other day and bought a can back.

That meal, he was happy.

He told me, "Dad, I saw this pickle in a book before, and I thought I must eat it in the future." I didn't expect the wish to come true today. ”

How many small wishes do little foodies hide in their hearts?

5

How nice it is to make your child's childhood a little happier!

In addition to studying, it is also necessary to give children some happy time to relax and relax.

Every child is not a blank piece of paper, nor is it the work of parents.

They are individuals with independent personalities.

We should let our children feel the warmth of family.

Let them know that they deserve to enjoy all their happiness and joy.

Let's not be too afraid and anxious about the future.

If children have a sound personality and good conduct, their future will not be bad.

And happiness is like salt in a dish, determining the taste of childhood.