Going to college at the age of 10 and studying for a PhD at the age of 16, the trajectory of a prodigy hides the common problems of Chinese parents' education

Raising children is not taming animals, but planting trees.

Instead of training a seed how to germinate and blossom, you give him plenty of sunlight, soil and water so that his inner life force can break through the soil and grow into what he can be.

Author | Coke Mama

Do you remember what you were thinking when you were 16?

Children of ordinary people, most of them are preparing for the exam at this age.

What comes to mind may be the newly announced mock test results, or the unfinished math problem, or which high school is the safest.

But 12 years ago, 16-year-old Zhang was already a doctor.

Every day, he thinks about how to let his parents buy a house in Beijing and how to get a Beijing hukou.

At that time, he was the subject of media coverage:

After skipping grades repeatedly, he took the college entrance examination at the age of less than 10, scored 505 points, and was admitted to Tianjin Engineer Normal College with a score 50 points higher than the score line of the second book of Liaoning Province;

After completing the four-year course in three years, he was admitted to Beijing University of Technology as a graduate student at the age of 13;

At the age of 16, he became a doctor at Beihang University, the youngest doctor in China so far.

However, the aura of a genius prodigy can hardly hide the voice of controversy.

In 2011, on the eve of his graduate school, Zhang was exposed to using his studies as a blackmail, forcing his parents to buy a house in Beijing, and if he did not agree, he would not participate in the defense or take the doctorate.

As soon as this remark came out, it immediately aroused heated discussions. Many people criticized him for being "insensitive to his parents" and "inconsiderate of his parents".

But for this move, the teenager coldly gave an explanation under the lens of CCTV's character interview column "See":

"You (my parents) were the ones who wanted me to stay in Beijing the most, and you should work hard for this."

At this moment, the host Chai Jing realized:

This house buying storm is just an extreme way, tearing open the dark wounds hidden in the prodigy family in front of him for the world to see.

She lamented:

"When the rocket is lifted off and accelerated, the astronauts in the manned spacecraft will have a serious sense of oppression, which is a consequence of speed.

For sixteen years, Zhang has overtaken others at an extraordinary rate, so today, he will get results, but also confusion, struggle, desire and vulnerability.

Speed is the choice of parents in many ordinary Chinese families, and they also carry the gains and losses and experience that this choice brings. ”

But at the same time, Chai Jing believes that Zhang is only 16 years old, and his future has unlimited potential.

And now, 12 years have passed, the original teenager is about to stand, has his talent been fully realized?

Recently, Jiupai News gave the answer with an interview video:

Unlike when Zhang was admitted to the doctorate, the Internet was overwhelmed with "16-year-old doctors", "genius boys" and "prodigies", and now Zhang Qiongqiao, who graduated with a doctorate at the age of 28, has received less attention from the media.

In the final analysis, it is because he has failed to achieve anything, whether academically or in life.

He told reporters frankly:

I only have a few thousand yuan left in my bank card, and the 50,000 yuan I saved after graduating and working has bottomed out.

But Zhang Qiongqiao showed no concern about this, saying:

"They (parents) still owe me a house in Beijing, which is worth more than 10 million now, and from this point of view, as long as it is less than 10 million, I fully have this amount."

"I can live my whole life without working, not only by my parents, but also by my parents' parents."

From a child prodigy to a gnawing old giant baby, from everyone's envy to no one cares, from a teenager who is determined to lie down.

With this huge gap, it's hard not to want to explore the crux behind it.

After watching a lot of interviews and reports about Zhang Qiongqiao, I found that:

Behind this traumatic tragedy, there are actually countless common problems in the education of Chinese parents.

Grades come first

Adults are placed second

Talking about the "prodigy" Zhang Qiaoqiao, the first reaction of the neighbors was, "His father has a lot of credit."

Indeed, along the way, the father has always escorted his son's studies.

Father Zhang wrote a book called "Magical Learning," in which he said that for more than a decade, as long as the children were there, he and his wife had not watched TV, even silently.

Not only that, but they never invited friends to their home.

In stark contrast to the strict academic requirements, it is Father Zhang's neglect of Zhang Qiongqiao's character development.

There is a detail in "Seeing" that struck me:

Zhang Qiongqiao has been competitive since he was a child, and he can't stand that he is worse than others.

He didn't score high on shots, so he ordered the program team: "You have to cut out the shots of my shots." ”

The father stood up to play the circle, and Zhang Qiongqiao immediately shouted loudly: "Shut up! ”

But then he said to his father, "If you coax me in time now, I may still be able to take it back." ”

When the father heard this, he smiled good-naturedly and took his son into his arms.

After watching this scene, I understood:

Why when the 16-year-old son insisted that his parents buy a house in Beijing at full cost, the father did not think of refusing, but renting a room.

Perhaps it was his father's connivance again and again that made Zhang Qiaoqiao more and more convinced that he must have what he wanted, and if he didn't get it, his parents must have a problem.

Educator Fu Lei has emphasized many times: "Education should focus on personality education, followed by knowledge." It doesn't matter if the child has high moral character and integrity, and lacks some knowledge. ”

Without a sound personality as support, external superiority is like a castle in the air, which may collapse at any time.

Writer Jiu Ye shared a story:

A couple, both teachers, know the importance of education and do their best to nurture their son.

The son also competed, first being sent to a top university in China, and after graduation, he went abroad to study and put down roots in Germany.

However, the couple only focused on the child's study, but did not cultivate his good character, and the son grew up more and more cold and selfish.

The father had cancer, and the son did not come back under the pretext of work, and he did not even see his father for the last time.

But when he learned that the family was going to be demolished, his son ran back to China as soon as possible, cheekily begging his mother for compensation for demolition, and after being rejected by his mother, he no longer recognized this mother.

Nan Huaijin, a master of traditional Chinese studies, said: "Don't think that getting a college diploma or a doctorate is powerful, this is not a success, the purpose of education is to be a successful person." ”

Born as a human being, but not able to be a person, how skillful is the formula derivation, how fluent is the English speaking?

If a child has a broken personality, no matter how good the study is, it is a waste, or even a scourge.

Grab the starting line and lose before the finish

The philosopher Rousseau once said:

"Nature wants children to be like children before they reach adulthood, and if we break this order, we will produce some precocious fruit, neither plump nor sweet, and will soon rot."

Everything has a time, blindly rushing away, and eventually paying a terrible price.

Saving time and costs, allowing children to get on the fast track and become talents quickly is Father Zhang's long-term wish.

To this end, he asked his son to skip grades repeatedly, trying to make his son the youngest undergraduate, graduate student, and doctoral student.

And the price of acceleration is that Zhang's foundation is very weak.

In junior high school, he became a countdown;

During his graduate studies, he hung up his subjects, could not write a thesis, and even had suicidal thoughts;

When it came to the doctoral stage, he was even more miserable, and it took him 8 years to get his degree...

Years later, Mr. Zhang complained: "They [their parents] obviously don't understand anything and they have to point fingers." ”

No matter how good the talent is, it has no solid foundation, and it is nothing more than a beautiful bubble, and with a light poke, it will burst.

Chan Po Sang, Director of the Education, Science and Sports Committee, has warned parents:

"The student is a blank piece of paper, handed to the teacher, who can draw the latest and most beautiful pictures.

Before that, the left and right draw the child in a variety of ways, which will affect the healthy growth of the child. ”

Remember the pair of Internet celebrity father and daughter who were praised by CCTV?

Daughter Xiaoyu was born a chronic child:

Arrived at school at 7:45, but seeing the time pass by minute by minute, she still unhurriedly pulled the food in the bowl one by one;

When the bell rang, the other children rushed to the door, except Xiaoyu with her hands in her pockets and looked up at the sky at 45 degrees;

Between classes, the other students were bouncing and playing, but Xiao Yu was alone in his school bag, holding Erlang's legs, flipping through the books in his hand...

Seeing these pictures, are many parents already scratching their ears and cheeks in a hurry?

But Dad Sanshi did not, although he was a little helpless, he respected his daughter's beat very much, and sighed from the bottom of his heart:

"Heaven is the cover, the ground is the bed, do not compete with the world for glory, I can have you so dashing!"

Russell wrote in Conquest of Happiness:

"Children are like young plants that have to stay in the same soil undisturbed in order to develop well."

Sometimes seeds are sown, sometimes they grow, and sometimes flowers bloom.

Don't sacrifice your child's most precious childhood happiness for a short lead.

Do not fly yourself

Lay an egg and let him fly

There is a joke on the Internet:

There are three kinds of birds in this world:

One is to fly first, and the other is tired and does not fly.

There is also a most annoying one, you can't fly, so you lay an egg in the nest and ask the next generation to fly hard.

It's funny at the same time, but also a touch of heart.

This reminds me of a passage that Zhang Qiaoqiao said after experiencing the turmoil of buying a house:

"It's not that I forced my parents to buy a house, it's my parents who are forcing themselves, and they are forcing themselves for a dream that has never been realized."

It turned out that Zhang's father was born in the countryside and was a rare college student at that time.

In 1990, Dad Zhang was admitted to the first MBA class of the Business School of Renmin University with excellent grades, but he had no choice but to give up because he could not pay the tuition fee of 15,000.

Therefore, when faced with whether to let his son study in Germany or enter Beijing for graduate school, Zhang Dad chose the latter without hesitation.

Faced with his parents' desire to control for many years, Zhang took up rebellion as a weapon.

He became addicted to games.

In the most serious case, his father poured a pot of hot water on Zhang Qiaoqiao's body, but he still buried his head and played and ignored his father.

For this reason, Zhang Dad was so angry that he left late at night, walked more than 50 kilometers, walked from his son's school back to his home in Langfang, Hebei Province, until 7 o'clock in the morning, so tired that he couldn't stand up.

Psychologist Zeng Qifeng said: "There are no rebellious children, only rebellious parents. ”

Behind every rebellious child, stands a pair of controlling parents.

In order to fight back against their parents, many children do not hesitate to use self-destruction and self-injury, but also to break their parents' dreams.

Sadia in the novel "Silent Confessions" is such a child.

Her father, James, was a graduate student at Harvard University, but because he was a yellowman with black hair and black eyes, he was always rejected by mainstream circles.

Her mother, Marilyn, has a dream of becoming a doctor, but she can only work as a female worker in a restaurant.

Sadia, on the other hand, was born in the expectation of his parents.

The father hopes that his daughter will be affirmed by others and respected by society, while the mother hopes that his daughter will become a doctor in the future.

To this end, Sadia can only carefully cater to her parents' expectations, try to socialize, and learn the medicine she hates the most.

In the end, overwhelmed, she chose to commit suicide by drowning.

After learning the truth about her daughter's suicide, the shocked and sad parents finally understood what Gibran wrote in his little poem:

"Your children are not your children, they are children born of life's desire for itself.

What you can give them is your love, not your thoughts, because they have their own minds. ”

The meaning of parents is not to turn the child into another self, but to watch him go farther away.

We can use our life experience to show our children the way, but we can't force them to follow the path we have planned.

Because the difference between a piece of paper and a butterfly is that the latter is never at the mercy of others.

Regarding the statement of "the fall of the prodigy", Zhang Yuehui, a university teacher at Zhang, said:

"He didn't take off in the first place, didn't fall in the first place. He may really be a plane that can travel thousands of miles, but he didn't get off the runway. ”

Yes, Zhang Qiongqiao was like a young beast in trouble, led by his father onto an accelerated runway, leaving his peers far behind.

However, because he was busy on the road, he neglected the shaping of character and foundation, and no longer had the strength to climb a higher mountain.

Now, he can only stop halfway up the mountain in a daze, standing on the opposite side of his parents, and let out helpless mourning.

Prodigies are no more, but anxious and utilitarian parents are always there.

While lamenting the tragedy, don't forget to remind yourself: children's lives need to awaken, not ripen.

Watching over your child's mental health and integrity is something more important than a perfect score.

Give it a thumbs up and encourage all parents.