College students even have to build parent groups, when will Chinese-style parents be willing to let go of their children?
College students also set up parent groups? When I heard it, I was really stunned!
The neighbor sent the child to the university, and when he returned, he told me that they had set up a group with several parents in the dormitory to facilitate communication and take care of the children.
They all go to college, and they have to build parent groups; I went to college and needed such "intimate" care from my parents, and I was completely speechless after listening.
The neighbors also found it particularly annoying, "I finally went to college, I thought I would never have to join the group again, and it turned out that there were so many things." "But not in the group, and a little out of place.
Zhang Luojianqun's mother "does things" in the group every day, one moment to buy daily necessities for the child, the other to buy fruits for the child, the other time to think that the dormitory conditions are not good, want to join parents to find the school to protest, and the next time feel that the teacher has a problem, encourage the parents to complain, making the neighbors upset.
The neighbor told me that this was nothing, and what he never expected was that the university still had a class group, and what was even more surprising was that like elementary and middle schools, teachers would send notices, send out transcripts, and even find parents for something!
College students are still the same as primary school students, they need meticulous care from their parents, need home-school co-education, and they are a handshaker, which is strange!
If this continues, when will these children grow up!
Zhou Jianhua, principal of the Aerospace City School of the National People's Congress Affiliated Middle School, once said: "Primary school focuses on companionship, junior high school emphasizes respect, high school focuses on letting go, and university and beyond emphasizes appreciation, and parents should invest less energy in the future." ”
But children in real life, from kindergarten to college, and even to work, marriage and childbirth, along the way, parents will not fall behind a step and will not let go at all.
"Teacher, has my child taken a nap?"
"Teacher, my child's feet hurt, please let him rest in physical education class."
"Teacher, my child is a little coughing, trouble watching him drink more water."
Such a message appears in the parent group of kindergartens and lower primary schools, which is quite normal, but the scary thing is that the children are in middle school, and there are still parents in the group who tell the teacher in such detail.
Every time I see such information, I secretly complain, "Won't the child say it himself?" "Isn't it comfortable that the child himself doesn't know?" , Many things that should have been done by the child themselves have all become the parents to do it for them, and even if they go to school, the parents' hands reach out from the other end of the network and firmly control him.
There is an old saying that "in the eyes of parents, children are always children", which clearly refers to the deep love of parents for their children, but more and more parents apply this sentence to their children's education and growth.
So this sentence has become the most toxic parenting theory, in the eyes of parents, he will really always be a child. And the parents' every kind of care, everything is detailed, step by step, on the surface it is love, but in fact it is all harm. Slowly ruined the child.
Stifling the child's growth
Friends always complain that the son of the third year of junior high school is a "living waste", he can't do any housework, the room is always a mess, the soy sauce bottle is poured and will only step over, and even now, he can't let his mother send homework and books.
And the child's laziness is actually cultivated by the mother.
The friend is a "24-hour all-round good mother", who takes care of her children and takes care of everything for her children. When eating, I can't wait to feed my child one bite at a time.
Educator Calvert said: Attaching importance to the cultivation of independent ability is the true love for children; And doting and pampering are the biggest obstacles to forming an independent personality, which will only make children suffer in the future life.
Excessive love, let children grow up only the body, their thoughts, abilities, minds are still like babies.
In fact, such parents are very selfish. They are addicted to the satisfaction and pleasure that "good parents" bring to themselves, they do not see the growth of their children, the needs of their children, but insist on going their own way, whether you want it or not, I just give desperately.
The intoxication of "good parents" allows them to destroy their children step by step.
Psychologists have found that the less parents know how to separate, the less independent their children are, and most of them are not confident in life. When such children grow up, they have strong dependence, poor self-care ability, low emotional intelligence, human selfishness, and even many problems in interacting with others.
Push the child into the abyss of "evil"
Li Meijin said: "The child's appetite is fed, the child's temper is brought out, and the child's shamelessness is accommodating and doting in every way." ”
Chen, 31, was fined 5,000 yuan and administratively detained for 15 days for using a forged driver's license. Faced with the punishment, his parents were extremely emotional: "You are too much, he is still a child, only 31 years old!" Why are you punished so heavily? ”
Shanghai Disneyland touched her buttocks, angrily cursing the mother who beat the girl, and furious: "He is still a child. ”
A 15-year-old boy deliberately spat on the elevator door during a special period, and in the face of complaints, his parents angrily said, "He is only 15 years old, you want to destroy him!" ”
"He's still a child", a simple sentence erases all the child's mistakes and puts all the blame on others.
"He is still a child", every time you say a word, the child is one step closer to the abyss of "evil".
This kind of indulgence is a kind of encouragement in disguise for the child, who knows that "I am just a child, I am not wrong with anything!" ", the protection and connivance of his parents has made him more and more bold, and it will eventually lead to disaster!
Destroy the relationship between parents and children
There is a post bar called "nibbling the old bar", and the messages inside are creepy.
"Parents' money, not mine?"
"I only ask for 1,000 yuan a month, how can I gnaw my parents to death."
"Generally speaking, it is after the age of 40 to gnaw until the death of the parents, and there are still 25 years to receive the pension, and then sell a house to continue gnawing."
"I can't wait to take all the bones of the old guy and feed it to the dog."
"My dad is such rubbish, stealing my pocket money to buy cigarettes."
While comfortably taking money from his parents and gnawing at the old, while cursing his parents with dirty language, why is there such a split personality?
Experts have said that children have a desire for independence and want to prove that they have grown up. Parents always think that he is still a child and is unwilling to give up interference and control. Harsh discipline again and again, refusal to communicate again and again, eventually causing the child to rebel.
Parents who love everything to the smallest detail are often very controlling, they are used to arranging everything for their children, and the children just need to do it according to their own plan.
However, children are independent individuals after all, and they also desire freedom. When the control of parents is greater than everything, the child becomes a sensible and well-behaved child on the surface, but in fact the heart is full of impulse and anger, they will go further and further away from their parents, and even turn their love for their parents into hatred for their parents.
British psychologist Sylvia said: "The true success of parental love is to separate the child from your life as an independent individual as soon as possible." The sooner this separation is made, the more successful you will be. ”
The more reluctant we are to let go, the worse our children's growth will be.
Smart parents will hand over the scepter of growth to their children little by little as they grow up, and he just needs to sit on the side of the road and applaud his children.