Don't kill your child because of 10 bucks...

The other day at a relative's house, I came across something like this:

The 6-year-old girl ran to her mother and asked for money: "Mom, give me ten dollars!" ”

Without raising her head, my mother asked, "No, why do you want so much money?" ”

The girl was stunned for a moment and said, "My classmates have pocket money to buy things they like, but I don't have them!" ”

"If someone else has it, you have to have it? If you want to do so, you can recognize someone else as a mother! Mom became angry and scolded loudly.

The girl was so scared that tears rolled in her eyes, she didn't understand why her mother would suddenly turn her face for ten dollars.

Maybe seeing that the child is about to cry, the mother begins to refuse her for various reasons, but the result is - she will not give money.

The child cried loudly in disappointment, "Mom, why do you always see me happy?" With that, he ran back to his room and stopped coming out. 

The scene was a little embarrassing for a while, in order to ease the atmosphere, my mother greeted the relatives around and said: "I want money to compare at a young age, and I still get it when I grow up?" ”

The mother said reasonably, but the child was also wronged, and in addition to feeling sorry for this girl, others did not seem to be able to help anything.

Because, whether to give money or not, is really the power of this mother.

However, I really don't like the way she rejects the child, except for the rebuke, threats, and abuse, and this attitude of being above the child.

Simply because the child asked for ten yuan in pocket money.

Why do some parents always compete with their children on money?

The answer with the highest praise is: because only on money, parents can completely control us.

Indeed, many parents in China are particularly controlling, especially when it comes to money.

Because the right to control money is also the most direct and effective way to reflect the authority of parents.

However, have parents ever thought that when children ask adults to reach out for money, the essence is only to show that they need our help, whether it is the needs of life, play, or really encountered any trouble, the first person they think of for help is parents.

However, many parents use the matter of "giving money" as a weapon to control their children, trampling their children's dependence, trust and love for their parents under their feet. In the long run, the relationship between parents and children will inevitably crack or even collapse.

I am convinced of this.

On Zhihu, there is a true story about "asking parents for money":

The hero of the story is a boy.

One summer, two female classmates visited his house.

They sat together and chatted, and for the first time in his life, he was dating a girl his age. Later, the female classmate proposed to go around the street. Penniless, he went to his mother, hoping to give him pocket money.

Mom refused to give it, and he pleaded repeatedly. Finally, the mother took out five cents and threw it on the ground: "Take it!" ”

He bent down, picked up the five cents, went out on the street with his female classmates, invited them to a bowl of tea each, and dispersed.

The boys of that year are now in their 30s, graduated from college, financially independent, and have long reached the age of talking about marriage.

But he never got married or returned home. He knew his parents were very lonely, but for now he just wanted to live like that.

He said it all stemmed from the five cents that was thrown on the ground.

For the boy, he was polite and cultured, and knew that a friend's visit should be warm, so he went to ask his mother for help and asked her mother for a little pocket money to entertain his friend.

At the moment he stretches out his hand, he is dependent and trusting on his mother, and in his heart the image of his mother is complete, someone who can ask for help in times of difficulty.

However, with the five cents thrown on the ground, the boy's dignity was completely trampled under the feet of the mother and shattered.

Although the boy felt humiliated, he had to accept it, because he needed the five cents, and he could not refuse.

The painful thing is that his mother's attitude makes him feel hopeless, and the person he trusts the most hurts him the most;

Paradoxically, he didn't understand why his mother would treat him like this, just a reasonable request.

This humiliating but powerless feeling of resistance stayed with him into adulthood.

However, the most ironic thing is that the mother may not have known from beginning to end that her son has undergone a rollercoaster of psychological changes because of this five-cent dollar.

When it is known that asking parents for money = humiliation = pain, some children may hide their true needs, become cautious and bent to the whole; Some children will find other ways to solve their own needs, such as lying to their parents, or even stealing, robbing, and committing crimes.

Parents who are not in the flow will only think of using the right to control money to show their authority, while smart parents know how to respect their children to win their children's trust and love.

The child asked for money, what should he do?

Step 1: Ask about the purpose of the money and then make a decision

If your baby doesn't seem to need to spend money, but asks you for money, there must be a reason.

1. If the child does need to buy this item:

That the right to express to the child, if it is really persuasive, give it.

Be a parent head do not axis, do not always "you feel", children have their own life, ideas, social, "she feels" like, say reasonable, don't puff, satisfy others.

2. If the child is just a herd and wants to be like everyone else, in order to gain peer approval:

Cultivate your child's social outlook from an early age, tell your child that someone who really likes you, if you don't follow her, she will also like you; People who don't like you won't like you even if they do the same thing.

Only your own characteristics and personality can help you attract like-minded friends.

Step 2: Give your child a fixed pocket money

Once the child has the idea of spending, he can fix his pocket money every week.

This money is completely your own, and you can use it freely.

The right to be independent, and the freedom to govern, is time for children to experience.

Step 3: Guide your child to spend money correctly

1. Learn to distinguish between needs and wants.

2. Know where the money comes from, let the child know that money is limited, learn to make choices, let the child make the best choice by calculating the input-output ratio.

Neither be a child's "dream knife" nor a child's "cash machine".

Instead, seize this opportunity to guide children to explore the concept of money and strive to spend small money to do big things!