The quickest way to destroy a child is: idle! Let it be

Author: Peng Xingzhi (Parents Intensive Reading Author)

Many parents ask, does their children's growth depend on consciousness or supervision?

The father who raised two top students directly answered this question:

"Xueba must be controlled by parents."

This father, Cao Jun, is a psychologist and educator, he has two children, one child is admitted to Tsinghua University, and the other child is admitted to Peking University.

He said frankly that the learning of the two children is their own eye, and the child's consciousness alone cannot become a talent at all.

He said that primary school eliminates children who do not care, and junior high school eliminates children who cannot be managed.

However, there are also parents who feel that their children's learning depends on talent and consciousness, and discipline is useless.

There are even parents who pursue happy education, so that children can grow up as they want and happily.

But the harsh reality tells us that a happy childhood is only a short decade, while the painful time is a long second half of life.

In order not to destroy the child, parents must know how to supervise and discipline, and cannot let the child be idle and let it do.

Education's worst mortal enemy

It is the parents who let their children go

I have a mother by my side who pursues a happy education, does not put pressure on her children at all, and allows her children to be free.

She didn't care about her children's grades or her children's studies, and she always shouted:

It doesn't matter if the child doesn't get good grades, as long as she's happy.

Learning mainly depends on talent, and it is useless for parents to manage it.

There is only one time in childhood, and you should obey your child's nature and let your child be yourself.

But within a few years, the child's situation was self-evident: top grades, addiction to games, late every day, and random absenteeism.

In the sixth grade, the child does not know even the simplest pinyin and multiplication techniques, and the mother begins to have a sense of crisis.

She can't understand how her own children can deteriorate if other parents raise their children and learn to play both?

But she doesn't know that free-range is not the same as indulgence, and few children can become independent of their parents completely.

Excellent children are often backed by parents who stand day and night, dare not let go.

A while ago, I brushed a mother who graduated from 985 to accompany her child to study early.

From the third grade of the child, the mother gets up at 6:50, accompanies the child to read American texts, explains to the child, and lets the child make annotations and excerpts, and does not move for 20 minutes every day.

One simple thing, this mother persisted for two years, accompanied the reading of 730 articles, nearly 12 million words of input, and the child's Chinese score was no less than 97 points for two consecutive years.

Not only that, the child has developed a good habit of learning, and the overall performance is among the best.

Imagine children willing to read early in the first place? The answer is definitely not, it is inseparable from the mother's persistence.

Marriage and Family magazine once conducted a survey of parents: "Should children's learning be supervised or let go?" ”

Of the 1,247 valid questionnaires recovered, 68% believed that parents should be supervised and not ignored.

Only 32 percent favor letting go and giving their children freedom.

This shows that most parents understand that it is impossible to expect their children to love learning, and it is even more difficult to achieve their children's self-discipline.

The real "stocking" is the child's thinking logic and the child's behavior habits.

Real stocking seems to be inaction, but in fact there is a way, if parents treat stocking as indulgence, children will soon lose the consciousness to learn.

As a parent, you can't blindly let your children go, and as much as you indulge, your children will retreat.

Overindulgence of children

The child loses his sense of proportion

There is such a sentence in the "Tsinghua Xueba Jiaozi Jing":

"Parents should understand that children lack self-control when they are young, and it is normal not to take the initiative for hard things such as learning, and the initiative is the norm."

Children who lose parental supervision are like ships on sail, and when the wind comes, they will lose their direction.

There is a Peking University mother @Three Mothers and Six Babies on Zhihu to share the experience of free-range children.

Love and trust, she said, are the best education, but not all.

In order to give her children full love and trust, she gave them an extremely relaxed and free environment.

For example, before going to work, she told her to "read carefully, don't lose your mind", and walked away with confidence.

Later, I found out that as soon as I left, the child was either playing or addicted to electronic products, and homework was not done at all.

The child's grades have plummeted, and he is becoming more and more unwilling to learn.

She later figured it out, don't expect children to be self-disciplined, self-discipline is controlled by parents.

In order to supervise the child, she sat on the cold bench with the child every day, accompanied the child to do homework, and taught a little bit when she encountered something she did not understand, and the child slowly formed the habit of learning.

Don't say that children don't know how to be conscious, so do older children.

The well-known host Li Sheng once said in the variety show "Thirteen Units" that when he was in junior high school, he was the first in his class every year, and when he went to high school, he felt that it was too easy to study and began to play.

Because of the lack of parental supervision, coupled with youth and ignorance, he began to indulge in rock music, and his academic performance became worse and worse.

He said that his biggest regret is that he did not get admitted to a prestigious school, and if he studied hard in three years of high school, he might be able to be admitted to Tsinghua Peking University.

He is a top student in junior high school, and he can't help the temptation of the outside world and embark on the road of self-indulgence.

This is true of excellent children, let alone ordinary children, and once the parents really let go, the children begin to slack.

Like Yang Chenyu's mother, who supervises her children very strictly, she points out:

"Be sure to supervise the habit when the child does not have the ability to think for himself. The process of supervision is painful, but after it is finalized, the road ahead is easy. ”

We can't be too optimistic about our children, we can give them appropriate freedom, but we must not indulge without a bottom line.

Excellent kid

Parental supervision and guidance are required

I like a sentence from "Strange Words":

"Parents are the only spectators for the first half of a child's life."

The growth of children is really inseparable from every gaze of their parents.

Only by managing children's learning well and letting children fly high with the power of knowledge can children live their own demeanor.

If you want your child to develop the habit of learning, here are a few suggestions for parents:

1. Exercise for half an hour before learning, and the efficiency of learning will be greatly improved.

"Exercise Changes the Brain" mentioned that exercise can induce neurogenesis, provide unique stimulation for the body, and make the brain willing and able to learn.

We can let the child exercise for half an hour before the child is ready to learn, which can greatly improve the efficiency of learning.

Just turned to the learning strategy shared by a top student's parents, which also confirms this.

If the child is not willing to exercise, take the child out for half an hour and choose outdoor activities that the child likes.

2. Talk to your child more about learning difficulties, solve your child's disgust with school in time, and keep your child motivated to learn.

I saw the self-report of a top student mother on the Internet, although her two sons were admitted to prestigious schools, but there are still many unsatisfactory places when recalling their children's reading career.

Her youngest son was completely tired of school for a while, and the teacher called every day to complain, and even lost patience to call his son, causing the child to run away from home.

Later, she did a self-examination and began to treat the child with a relaxed attitude, taking him out for a spin, eating, chatting and running when the child was in a bad mood.

Later, the child told her that she did not want to study because she was ostracized by her classmates, and after knowing this problem, her mother immediately reflected it to the class teacher, which opened the child's heart.

After solving the child's difficulties, the child adjusted his mentality and began to study hard.

3. Set up a reward and punishment system to encourage children to develop the habit of self-discipline.

I saw 5 reward and punishment forms signed by a Tsinghua Xueba's father and his child on the Internet, including housework, study, sports, living and consumption habits.

Each item lists detailed tasks, and if you can complete the task, you will get a relative bonus, and vice versa.

Education with clear rewards and punishments can enable children to develop good habits of self-discipline, and self-discipline is the driving force for learning.

I love a quote on the Internet:

Free-range education is to build the child's starting point on a bunch of beaches, a strong wind, a wave, enough to destroy his all.

We can't gamble with our children's lives at will, children can't afford to lose, and we can't afford to lose.

I don't know if you remember the documentary "Seven Years of Life"?

It records children of different classes, and after decades of tracking, the children of the rich are still rich, and the children of the poor are still poor.

There is only one child named Nick, who was admitted to Oxford University through school, realizing the counterattack of the poor.

This tells us that reading is the best way out for children, and parents cannot let it go.

Leaving the child idle is the fastest way to ruin the child.

And the fastest way to become a child is to keep the child learning.

The higher the level of parents, the more they know how to strictly defend the line of defense on the issue of education and not give in the slightest.

Time is a fair scale, and how much effort parents put into their children will grow up their children.

About author:Peng Xingzhi, Fushu columnist, article: parents read carefully, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, unauthorized reproduction is not allowed, infringement must be investigated

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