Children who are often denied are prone to fall into self-denial, resulting in depression and bipolar! How parents guide
Many parents not only do not know how to give their children recognition, encouragement, and affirmation, but they also often deny their children:
"You're not going to do it! Clumsy! ”
"It's not so simple, it's stupid like a pig!"
"You can't, don't make trouble, go away!"
Even if there are some things that the child does well and ranks at the top of the test, these parents may pour cold water on the child: "You only scored 95 points in mathematics, where are the other 5 points?" Have you eaten? ”
"Don't think you're awesome! So whoever is much better than you! ”
"You're just lucky!"
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These parents may habitually deny their children, or they may be afraid of their children's pride, so they deliberately suppress them.
In any case, if parents often deny their children, the risk of mental disorders in children will be very high!
In addition to avoiding frequent denial of their children, parents should also consciously avoid children falling into self-denial after encountering setbacks.
We have repeatedly introduced the breakthrough discovery of pathological memory repair through multidisciplinary diagnosis and treatment (MDT), especially deep hypnosis, that the main cause of depression is psychosocial factors, specifically, patients suffer from superimposed psychological trauma and continuous self-denial.
In our real-life case article, we describe in detail the superimposed psychological trauma suffered by adolescent depressed patients.
But many parents still feel incomprehensible after reading it: these sick children have encountered small things in life and learning, many people have suffered, those of us who are parents have also suffered when they were young, and even encountered more serious, how come we have not formed superimposed psychological trauma, did not have depression?
Although everything seems small, if the number is large and constantly superimposed, it will cause great harm to the child's mental psychology.
Moreover, although many parents have also suffered negative events when they are young, such as parental scolding, teacher criticism, and ridicule from others, most people are not self-denial, but more likely to be self-motivated, that is, the sublimation of psychological defense mechanisms.
For example, many parents born in the 60s and 70s of the last century have poor families and cannot eat enough, and of course they will be aggrieved and depressed after suffering traumatic events. But they are not easy to deny themselves, but often boil down to this all because their family is too poor and the local area is too backward, and then turn grief and anger into strength, pressure into motivation, vowing to get ahead, get admitted to university, and fight for themselves and their families.
The motivation brought by this psychology is very strong, they continue to work hard, and finally they have achieved certain achievements in school and career.
Of course, this also has certain side effects, that is, this part of parents is easy to be self-righteous, always think that their ideas are right, do not realize the great changes of the times, and do not realize that they have cognitive boundaries.
It is easy for them to generalize their academic and career successes to family education, thinking that their children will be as successful as they are as long as they follow their own experience and way.
As a result, they found that children born into the "digital planet" era were very different from what they had envisioned and expected. When a child's performance makes them dissatisfied, they tend to deny the child.
Of course, this denial may also come from teachers, classmates or other elders. When children receive more and more negatives, they can easily form a wrong cognition, thinking that others' denial of themselves is because of their own fault and that they have not done well.
Gradually, they will become self-denial as soon as they encounter setbacks, constantly form superimposed psychological trauma, and finally suffer from a very high risk of depression.
Even though these children received psychiatric medication and professional psychological counseling, their condition was relieved. But some of the children, although they know rationally why they have depression, one of the important reasons is that their parents have problems with their parents' homeschooling methods, often denying them. They also know that the setbacks they encountered at that time were not entirely their fault.
When they were relatively rational and calm, they understood these truths, and seemed to have finally reconciled with their past and parents. But in fact, when they suffer major setbacks again in life, especially when they are blamed by others, their similar trauma in the past is activated a lot, and they will immediately feel depressed again and fall into a vicious circle of negative emotions and self-denial.
Therefore, when children encounter setbacks or make mistakes, firstly, parents should not blindly deny their children, and secondly, they should also be taught to avoid self-denial, but to attribute scientifically and comprehensively, not only to see their own shortcomings, but also to see the problems of others and the outside world. The most important thing is to realize that since you have shortcomings, then actively find ways to improve, enhance your ability, and bad things become good things.
In addition, parents should consciously guide their children to learn self-affirmation when educating their children. This is also one of the key points to establish pressure resistance and shape a high inverse quotient (AQ).
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For example, there are people outside the world, and we must guide children not to blindly compare with better people, but to compare their current self with their past selves. If you still want to improve, observe more people who are better than yourself in this regard, analyze and learn why they can become excellent, summarize scientific methods, and strive to improve yourself, rather than simply compare.
However, parents should note that self-affirmation is not the same as self-praise. Self-praise here refers to the fact that children always think that they are smart, powerful, bullish, and pretentious. This kind of child seems to be confident, but in fact, this psychology is very fragile.
They tend to become perfectionist and don't allow themselves to make mistakes. When they encounter setbacks, it is easy for them to accept the momentary backwardness and constantly put pressure on themselves; When the encounter is relatively smooth, they are prone to inner expansion, despise the difficulties in reality, or even have no one in sight, and have hypomanic/manic episodes.
In fact, if children have the psychology of "self-praise", this often comes from the adults around them repeatedly praising them excessively. Therefore, parents' affirmation of their children must be specific, and they must affirm their acquired efforts, such as hard practice, positive thinking after finding a scientific method, the courage to try, etc., rather than affirming their brain intelligence, talent, good looks and other innate parts.
Moreover, children who have long accepted excessive praise from the outside world, even if their grades have been excellent, they have been admitted to prestigious schools, they have achieved certain achievements in their careers, and they have not appeared obvious mental and psychological symptoms, but they are likely to become the kind of people said on the Internet - exquisite egoists, who think that their success comes from their own intelligence and excellence, lack of self-reflection ability, and lack of gratitude to the outside world and others.
In the future, we will also write articles to analyze the psychological characteristics and reasons for the formation of this group.
Therefore, it is hoped that parents will rationally guide their children to reflect on their own shortcomings in family education and learn to self-reflect, rather than simply and rudely denying. Parents should also give their children concrete affirmations scientifically and in a timely manner, and guide them to learn self-affirmation instead of excessive praise.