"Ex-husband domestic violence, current gambling addiction": what did those women with bumpy roads do wrong?

01

Happy and sweet before marriage, chicken feathers after marriage

Because of domestic violence, a year ago I fled the place where there was no temperature with scars and a blood-dripping heart.

Others get married called having a home, a warm little home, while I got married with endless quarrels and many possibilities of being beaten.

I was very touched by the meticulousness and thoughtfulness of my ex-husband before marriage, but after marriage, he was like a changed person, and there were constant contradictions and conflicts between us, as if there were not two people in the marriage, but three people. Since living with my mother-in-law later, there has always been a person who has launched a "war" for "sovereignty".

Now I think of my acquaintance with my ex-husband, just like a dream, the beautiful in the dream is not the same, and the waking up is cruel and different:

I was acquainted with my ex-husband because of an Asia-Pacific exhibition, when I was in charge of the company's market operations, for the exhibition period I was "5 + 2", "white + black" continuous rotation, the body's endurance has reached its limit.

My ex-husband was a key account representative at the time, and he had met several times before, and that time he came with a group of people to visit, and I received them as usual, and when they left, I took off my high heels, and the cat put band-aids on the heels of the cat in the glass compartment lounge.

After a while, I heard someone knocking on the door, I saw him carrying a bag to me, opened up to a pair of fashion wedge slippers, he said: I don't know how big you wear, the cabinet sister helped choose the number, you try the size, not suitable I will go to the next mall to change.

At that moment, my tears almost fell!

The operation of many consecutive days makes my mind and body and mind very tired, and his actions make me have indescribable warmth and touch, and people are more likely to be moved when they are vulnerable, not to mention such care and care.

Later we got along for a while, he sometimes came to pick me up from work, sometimes took me out on a trip to relax, as always, and was good to me, and we got married.

I got pregnant shortly after I got married, and the next year our daughter was born, and after maternity leave I continued to go back to work, and my mother-in-law came to help with the baby, and since then, life has become a chicken flying dog jump.

Because since my mother-in-law came, she had to ask about big things and small things in the family, and it was reasonable to say that it was a good thing that someone shared it for me, but often many concepts were out of place, from living habits to three views. For example, I love to eat pasta, love to eat spicy, they love to eat rice and not spicy, the mother-in-law never considers me, only according to their preferences, if I mutter a few words she will say to her son: Marry what daughter-in-law, ask so much, I am not happy to serve, I want to eat my own!

I feel very wronged, I go to work during the day, take the baby at night, where do I get the time to cook?

I thought that my husband at that time would help me speak, but as soon as I turned around, he quarreled with me, defended his mother, said that mine was not, I was angry and sad, and I was not willing to show weakness, and I was afraid of it, and finally he would have a big temper and beat me, and my mother-in-law did not persuade me to stop, which made me very surprised and disappointed, and what hurts more than my body is my heart.

Tossing and turning due to emotional problems

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02

Self-doubt: Is it because I'm not good enough that I always meet "scumbags"?

Later, a small quarrel every day, a big quarrel for three days, such a day really can not go on, I divorced my ex-husband, my daughter and I, he pays 3,000 yuan a month for living expenses.

After the divorce I adjusted for a while and started working normally, and my mom helped me with the kids.

About three months later, one day when I was working out at the gym, a man patted me with headphones on and approached me and said: Your equipment is crooked, I will help you adjust it, otherwise it is dangerous.

So we met, he is also divorced, no children, self-employed, we started to get along as boyfriend and girlfriend, we are in tune with each other, have a common language, he is also very good to my daughter.

I thought I had found my true home, but then something happened that shattered my dreams.

One day I stumbled upon a text message from him, a dunning notice from a bank saying that his 500,000 loan had not been repaid on time.

500,000 is not a small amount, he never mentioned the loan to me, and I did not see him buy any fixed assets.

I immediately asked him what was going on, he couldn't hide the truth, he went out to play cards and lost a lot of money, and he begged me to borrow tens of thousands of yuan from him to repay the loan in installments.

I didn't agree, he just grinded hard bubbles, wrote a letter of guarantee, confessed his mistakes, and often went to my mother's place, took Barbie toys to play with my daughter.

Unable to withstand his sugar-coated shells, I finally transferred 30,000 to him, but after half a month he came to ask me to borrow money, and I almost fainted.

I knew that such a man was a bottomless pit, so on the surface of the clouds was light, secretly alienating him and rejecting him for various reasons.

However, which is so easy, the boyfriend repeatedly called me to harass me, I blocked him, he cheekily went to my house to block me, as if he could not get rid of it, making me feel so annoyed.

My ex-husband here often called me after drinking and begged me to remarry, saying that he would not beat me again in the future.

Of course, I don't believe his "lies", but I don't dare to offend him, after all, he is the father of his daughter, and her daughter will also think of him, and she needs his regular visits, and I don't want to make a relationship freeze for the sake of my daughter's growth.

And the ex-husband not only harassed me, said that the good living expenses will not be paid, he said that the funds are tight, and then give it when there is money, which makes me feel disgusted and helpless.

My mother knew about my affairs, and also worried about it, nagging in my ear every day, saying how I always find some such men, I felt angry and ashamed, "tripartite attack" every day was terrible, my life was deadlocked, and my work was stagnant.

I feel like I'm depressed.

Both men frightened me, as if I were drowning, splashing with water, but unable to make a cry for help, watching myself sink, powerless.

For countless nights, I was often awakened by nightmares, either falling off the high bridge, I could hear the whistling wind, I felt my heart about to jump out, or I was chased by monsters with teeth and claws, I ran desperately, feeling that my leg was about to break, but I couldn't stop.

I was overwhelmed with fear, I was about to suffocate, and when I woke up, I cried bitterly, was it because I wasn't good enough and always met "scumbags", so it was all my fault?

Tossing and turning due to emotional problems

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03

Thanks for the encounter that made me born again

My mother saw that I was in such a state of great pain, entrusted my girlfriend to find a way to pull me, so I met with "Lucky Knowledge", the little assistant learned about my situation and gave reasonable suggestions, I also felt that 5 consultations including the initial interview and a month of online escort are very suitable for my current state, I found an experienced teacher for a month of escort, this month let me "come back to life", slowly climbed out of the quagmire.

Now, I have completely broken up with my boyfriend, and I have gotten rid of harassment, I can get along with my ex-husband relatively calmly, and most importantly, my emotions tend to be stable, even the conflict with my mother is much less, and I like myself more than before.

Looking back on this month's mental journey, I think I was able to come out mainly because of the following two points:

First, the serious responsibility and companionship of the platform teachers gave me the courage to move forward.

Shortly after the initial interview, the consultant and the escort set up a WeChat group dedicated to me, and gave a "tailor-made" escort plan according to my situation, which had goals that I needed to break through and specific implementation methods, and the teachers considered carefully and thoughtfully, which made me feel very professional.

In the process of escorting, because the harassment of my ex-husband and boyfriend made me very irritable, my emotions were easily ignited, often quarreled with my mother, the mood was very bad, whenever this time the teachers would let me try to be self-aware, write an "emotional diary", and help me analyze, through combing I found my own emotional buttons, but also saw the needs behind the emotions, and also learned to understand myself, slowly I am no longer so grumpy.

Whenever I have a problem talking in the group, the teachers' timely response and warm companionship make me feel that the escort group is like a "home" to give me the nutrition and energy I need, accompany me forward, accompany me to grow.

Second, the healing of the trauma of the original family allows me to become a better version of myself.

In fact, my parents divorced when I was a teenager, my father married another woman, I felt that we were abandoned, angry and sad, at the banquet of my father and stepmother, I asked my father why he wanted to divorce in front of many relatives, my father was angry, and slapped me, relatives said I did not understand things, I felt very hurt, and even felt that I should not come to this world.

This slap has always been imprinted on my heart, which led to my estrangement with my father, I was beaten by my ex-husband when I got divorced, and I didn't tell him because I didn't think he would help me.

The teachers did a lot of work on my experience, they understood the need for the development of self-awareness of the child who was in adolescence at that time, yes, I did not want to be treated as a child, I wanted my parents to respect me, tell me the reason for the divorce, and confirm their love for me, but because of the limitations at that time, they did not do it, and my desire and expectation continued into the intimate relationship, and because of a lot of unreasonable beliefs, the emotional road was difficult and bumpy.

When the teacher said to me: "It is not your fault that your parents divorced, it is not your fault that you did not give you explanation and confirmation of love, and it is really remarkable that you now choose to do self-growth and readjust your relationship with yourself."

I let out a cry of pain, grievances, sadness, pain, poured down, and the burden I carried over the years was suddenly unloaded, and I was relaxed. Later, the teacher targeted a few questions that made me see my father's true attitude towards me from an objective point of view, in fact, my father loved me very much, but he was not good at words, and the knot between me and my father was slowly unraveled.

Since then, the problems that originally plagued me are no longer like "jackals, tigers and leopards", and my heart has bred the strength to face, and under the guidance of the teachers, step by step, I have achieved "peaceful solution".

As the month drew to a close, I noticed that many of my beliefs were beginning to be rewritten:

I learned to interpret other people's intentions in good faith, and also to accept others as they really are, and when I am not ready, I will not blame myself, but let nature take its course, I feel that my heart is open, more space, more flexibility, and life becomes comfortable.

I am especially grateful for the fact that during this time, the teachers were able to use their professional knowledge and accompany life with their lives to help me understand myself more and know myself, and it is a good feeling of nirvana to be born again!

Tossing and turning due to emotional problems

Welcome to scan the code to add, I will help you