Happy families are all similar, and unhappy families have their own misfortunes.
Wives who are abused by their husbands, children who are abused by their parents, they are often unable to get rid of the shadow of their past lives in their lifetime.
Indifference, noise and tearing, from the respect of the newlyweds, under the pressure of life, the shackles of human feelings and the teasing of opportunities, eventually became a nightmare that could never wake up again.
However, "domestic violence" cannot be completely changed by relying on outsiders to regulate and legal provisions. Superficially tyrannical words and deeds are essentially overwork, poverty, extremism, depression and the spillover of disease.
In families where husband and wife are on the verge of convergence, the husband is either lazy and poor, or he is unkind to the rich.
But as long as a man throws a fist, women and children as vulnerable people will certainly suffer irreparable trauma in their emotions, personality and life.
The reality is that only on the eve of the imminent breakdown of the family will mothers and children think of the weapon of recourse to the law.
01
In the countryside around Anhui, there is a "domestic violence man" Zhang San (pseudonym) who is accustomed to punching and kicking his wife.
However, in the remote, poor, and old-fashioned countryside, it is not a new thing for husbands to beat their wives and parents to beat their children. Although it violates laws and regulations, in the eyes of many middle-aged and elderly people, it has long been commonplace.
As the saying goes, "Husband and wife quarrel, bedside quarrel and bedside".
The enmity between this "domestic violence man" and his wife has long been heard by the surrounding villagers. Anyway, as long as there was a crackling sound in the village, and the women and children who tore their hearts and lungs cried, there was a good chance that the Zhang Sanjia family would start to make trouble again.
What is even more speechless is that these two mouths have been quarreling and tearing for so many years, or pulling 3 sons of dragon spirits and tigers. Therefore, no one can understand such a strange thing.
You said that the relationship between husband and wife is not good, and 3 sons have been born;
You said that the relationship between husband and wife is good, and the husband beats his wife every day, but everyone in the village has heard and witnessed it.
Anyway, zhang san did not have much ability, and his ability and financial resources could only ensure that he could maintain the food and clothing of the rural family in front of him. Perhaps in the village and in the factory, Zhang San saw the village chief and leaders, and he would nod his head and smile in greeting.
But at home, he is the "NO.1" in this house!
02
From getting married in his 20s to his youngest son going to high school, it is reasonable to say that Zhang San's domestic violence practices should also rest.
After all, the wife nagged, made mistakes again, and no longer looked at her, and also raised her 3 children into high school students and college students. Zhang San, like most rural men, goes out to work when he has the opportunity, plays cards everywhere when he earns money, and throws a tantrum at his wife when he returns home, even punches and kicks.
The problem is that the 3 young men with big waists and round waists in his family are vegetarians?
In fact, the most painful and humiliating thing for children is that the father beats the mother.
Because outsiders bully their families, they can also go up and argue for two sentences and swing two punches, but if the father beats the mother, or even the insults, noises and tears for more than ten years, the children from the age of 3 or 5 to the age of 12, to the age of 12, and then to the age of 18 to say goodbye to minors, if from childhood to adulthood, they have watched the tearing and crying in their own homes continue day by day.
So what will the child think in his heart?
Children who face domestic violence in primary school will avoid fear;
Children who encounter domestic violence in junior high school will hate because of disgust;
And when you see children who have domestic violence in high school, it is likely that they will not just be bystanders!
Because as children who are close to adulthood in adolescence, especially boys, they not only have big waists and round waists, but also have many clear and stubborn views on self-related and family-related matters.
Therefore, most sober middle-aged fathers may often quarrel and fight with their wives when their children are young, but after the children understand things, they will generally be relatively restrained, avoiding being seen by children who are close to adulthood, and stimulating an uncontrollable situation.
In other words, many "domestic violence men" like to beat their wives and children, on the one hand, because they have a bad temper and extreme spirit, on the other hand, because women are weak and their children are young.
When the child grows up and can support the mother, many "domestic violence men" will also be instigated.
Except for this "brain inappropriate" Zhang San.
03
But any sober middle-aged man, whether from the perspective of education or emotional intelligence, sees 3 sons with big waists staying at home, and dares to speak ill of his wife, beat him up, and even vomit blood?
Not surprisingly, this time, it is no longer the mother who has a blue nose and swollen face, but the father who has been cold and unsympathetic for more than a decade.
The 3 children saw the "domestic violence man" Zhang San once again swinging his fist at his wife, and could not help but get angry from the heart, and slammed the old father to the ground with his hands and feet, and taught a harsh lesson.
So is such an act right or wrong?
From the traditional concept and human feelings, the son beating the father must be a big wrong thing. But from the perspective of stopping domestic violence and avoiding the harm of mothers, we can't help but like these 3 children.
As the saying goes, "strict father and mother".
In most Chinese families, fathers are the imprint of their children's hearts and minds. The violent tendency of a very small number of "domestic violence men" is bound to bring irreparable harm to the relationship between husband and wife and parent-child feelings, and more importantly, it will cause children to continue their lives, which is enough to completely change their personality and life's childhood shadows.
Like Zhang San, a rough father who upholds "machismo" beats his wife and children when he wants to, scolds when he wants, and thinks that his children should listen to Lao Tzu unconditionally, and his wife should listen to her husband in everything. It is not surprising that a good family, run to this field, and even be beaten violently by 3 of his own sons on the ground.
In short, many family education problems, including the plight of husband and wife feelings and father-son relationships, are mostly the inevitable result of "planting melons to get melons, planting beans to get beans".
But whenever a violent and widowed father appears in a family, the most injured person is not the mother with a blue nose and swollen face under the fist, but a child curled up in the corner of the house, blindfolded, trembling and desperate and helpless.
So to say no to domestic violence is to care for our children.