An animal also naturally pursues happiness, which is a biological instinct.
As human beings, we are all sure that we want to be happy and happy, which is also the driving force behind human relationships, careers, and social development.
But we usually don't realize that our daily actions, thoughts, and choices really lead us to happiness?
How do you find true happiness?
38-year-old Tang Ming has happiness in the eyes of others:
She is a corporate executive.
The husband runs a factory,
She has a pair of children who study well,
At the same time, it is also a landlord, and the three properties invested in in the early stage have appreciated a lot and are enjoying the profit of renting.
Everyone never expected that she was in such a good life, but she often felt depressed and depressed.
Tang Ming told me in detail about her inner world: born in a poor rural family, she had low self-esteem since she was a child, she strictly disciplined herself, and felt that only hard work could change her destiny.
She gave up her favorite art to go to teacher training, hiding her love for art in her heart.
After graduating, she stayed in the city to work as a teacher, and a few years later, a friend invited her to work in a company, and she left school considering the prospects and better income.
The work was a bit stressful, but she was able to do it and gradually rose to the top level. However, after a long time, I feel bored at work.
In terms of parent-child relationship, she signed up for many interest classes for her children: playing the piano, painting, and designing, but her children did not like to learn and could not learn well. She was helpless and felt that the children were not contending.
The relationship between Tang Ming and her husband is still harmonious. But looking at her aging appearance, she is secretly anxious and will spend more money on medical beauty.
And her husband's thriving career made her worry that she might lose him sometime.
I asked Tang Ming, now that you don't worry about money, have you ever thought of doing something you love, such as art?
She thought for a while before answering me, others are very envious of my current profession, I finally rose to this position, I should do my best, right?
Tang Ming's choice in life seems to be looking for happiness:
Give up art to study teacher's training, change careers to earn more money, work hard to reverse aging, and pave the way for children's future.
Many people have similar ideas to Tang Ming, and feel that pursuing financial freedom makes me happy; Pursue success and beauty, I can be satisfied; With my ideal partner, I can be happy.
By making choices that people think are "right, they should," I feel more at ease.
But after getting it, looking back, why did I lack happiness?
Because when the criteria for happiness are bound to the outside world, such as material, money, career, and the approval of others, these conditions are precisely the source of unhappiness.
Our feelings of being conditioned are uncomfortable, which also means that we are unhappy before we get it, and the happiness after getting it is also short-lived.
From a biological point of view, the human body has a mechanism called "hedonic adaptation":
When greater pleasure and stimulation are obtained from the outside world, the nervous system will be regulated, so that the feelings are desensitized, so that the body can be stabilized, and the attention will be transferred to other new things, which is conducive to survival.
For example, after being promoted, buying a house, and getting married, you get a short period of happiness and return to calm.
People may still unconsciously rush forward, have a million want ten million, after becoming a director, want to be a general manager.
That's because, after happiness is braked by the nervous system, it takes a greater stimulus, or a change of condition to regain happiness.
Just like Tang Ming wants to earn more finances after having enough income, she still needs to be envied and retain her youth to be happy.
I asked Tang Ming, do you love your job? Is it the desire of the moment to work hard to make money? Does the use of aesthetic medicine to fight aging really bring you a sense of security and happiness?
Her answer was all no. The life choices made by Tang Ming relied on external standards and paid attention to the evaluation of the outside world, which precisely lacked his own feelings.
The happy satisfaction brought by external standards, no matter how beautiful and huge, is short-lived for the nervous system.
And the place where happiness continues to be produced is incredibly simple in everyone's heart, but many people repeatedly ignore it.
To get inner happiness, just listen to your inner voice and embrace your inner truth!
Maybe you want to go on a trip on your way, maybe you want to change to a job you love, maybe you just want to bask in the sun on the balcony, or you just don't want to go to an evening party.
The heart will tell you how to choose, it will be happy, how to do it now, it is most comfortable.
When happiness becomes a way of life, it is available in the moment, and there is no need to work hard to achieve certain conditions and tasks to get it.
If Tang Ming was willing to listen, her heart might say, take your work easy, and after work, go play art!
Go to the countryside on weekends to paint and participate in the rehearsals of the dance team, it will really make you young and energetic! If children don't want to learn, don't learn!
Many people choose to ignore it, probably with various concerns:
Wouldn't it be strange and inconsistent with my image if I did this? Will others not talk about me? If I am willful, what should I do with my career, what should I do if I make less money?
These minds analyze the voice of judgment and make us block out and abandon our inner voice.
From a utilitarian point of view, listening to the inner voice to do it, except for having fun, seems to have little to gain, and there is also risk and waste of time.
But dig deeper, and you'll be surprised at the benefits of doing so.
In 2011, two professors at the University of Illinois in the United States compiled 160 research data on happiness and health:
It was concluded that the happier group lived longer than the unhappy group, and the members of the happy group were better than the unhappy group in various health indicators.
In biological experiments, it has been found that unhappy human bodies produce stress hormones, which cause the wiring between brain regions to become rigid and the ability to adapt flexibly.
Over time, brain cells atrophy, cognition and judgment deteriorate.
Sustained positive emotions increase the amount of dobutrol and serotonin in the body, activate brain cells, fill people with the power of creativity and exploration, and become smarter.
American journalist Carsons was diagnosed with stiff spondylitis, an autoimmune disease that doctors told had little chance of cure.
He gave up medical treatment, and after he was discharged from the hospital, he kept watching comedies in his room and found that if he laughed for 10 minutes, he could get two hours of pain-free sleep.
Later, he returned with a "laugh" on his health, stating in his autobiography that he had recovered.
When you encounter difficulties at work, you hesitate; When your feelings are troubled and cannot be resolved; When you are hurt, it is difficult to calm down.
When you desperately find a way and find someone to deal with it without success, it is likely that what you need most is not methods and analysis, but happy energy, so that the body and mind can return to a smooth and intelligent state.
It could be just a visit to the park, a cup of coffee, and a pop.
In this way, what seems to be doing something inefficient is precisely the really efficient thing.
Although I make a distinction between inner and outer happiness, the two are not opposites.
What I want to express more is that modern people are accustomed to paying attention to the outside, making good use of the mind to analyze and judge, and shielding the true needs and feelings of the heart, resulting in an imbalance between the body and mind, and unable to be truly happy.
And when the focus is more on the inside, it will also promote the achievement of our external things.
The balance and balance of the two will form a virtuous circle, which can give us a more sustained feeling of happiness.
The power of the heart is infinite, and holding on to the heart, making happiness the essence of human beings, also opens up the infinite potential of life, to achieve better achievements and a more ideal life.
Zheng Qijuan
Lead Consultant
I heard about it, the chief counselor of the psychological counseling center
Member of the Professional Committee of Psychological Counselors of Guangdong Mental Health Association
National Marriage Counselor
National Family Education Instructor
Child Counselor
Senior hypnotist
Spiritual healer
Psychological consultant of the "Rights Protection Service Station" of the Guangdong Provincial Women's Federation
Member of Guangdong Psychological Society
Member of the Psychoanalytic Professional Committee
Specially invited psychological consultant of the emotional column of Guangzhou Radio Station
· Guangzhou YWCA appointed psychological counselor
"Yangcheng Evening News", "Yangcheng Metro News", "Modern Parenting Weekly", "Urban People Growth" invited psychological experts