01
What is the Cold War? Marie-Frans Irigoyan directly defined cold violence as "emotional abuse" in her work Cold Violence. Trying to achieve a certain purpose of oneself through mental torture, regardless of the feelings of others, is a manifestation of selfishness.
Therefore, the Cold War is also domestic violence in nature, like a soft knife killing people, which makes people unable to vent.
People who are willing to argue with you, people who are willing to stay and argue, must still love you, because quarrels are also a crazy way of communicating, proving that they want to solve problems.
Read a very true passage that says:
"Two people with feelings, even if they are angry, even if they are angry to the point of madness, they will always forgive each other in the end." Because no one wants to be apart, and no one really wants to hurt each other. As long as the inner feelings remain unchanged, then no matter what, they will return to good. So, when you get hurt for a long time, there's no other reason than because he doesn't love you anymore. ”
Husbands and wives have been together for a long time, and love is mainly expressed as a kind of cherishing and pity.
Even if there is no longer passion, no longer sex, but as long as there is pity for you, it will not bear to hurt you, no matter what you do, it will definitely take the lead in considering your feelings, because considering your feelings, and change your behavior.
Acting willfully implies contempt for you, which shows that you are not important enough.
Even if I love you, I don't love enough, or I love myself more. No one knows that the Cold War is hurt, it's domestic violence, it's about you, and it's clear that he always puts his own goals and interests first.
Knowing that it is hurt, but also to hurt, what contradictions happen is not important, selfishness is the root cause.
02
What is the real psychology of men who like the Cold War at every turn? We may as well first understand the process of the Cold War as a process of competing for the right to speak, economic rights, initiative, and control, until we divide the victory and defeat and achieve our own wishes.
Let's talk about two real-world examples.
A man quarrels with his wife over family trivia, feels very faceless, does not want his wife to confront him like this, and wants to ensure his family status. Then began the cold war process with his wife, and when the cold war reached the eighth day, he took the initiative to find his wife to reconcile with him through alcohol.
Afterwards, I was asked by my wife, how did I persist until the eighth day, and I couldn't hold on? He replied: "I'm afraid if I keep holding on, I'll really lose you." ”
There is also a male colleague who has been cold with his wife for more than a month, and still maintains an arrogant attitude, even if his wife takes the initiative to reconcile with him, he still refuses. And he said this: "I can't reconcile so easily, I want her to know how strong I am, and see if she dares to go against my will next time." ”
So this is the true psychology of men who like the Cold War, through the Cold War, mentally torturing their wives to ensure their position in the family, always being a "general".
In the course of the Cold War, test your bottom line again and again, challenge your bottom line again and again, until you become a person with no bottom line at all, and you are not allowed to have a self.
People are selfish, the key is whether he loves you or not, is not afraid of losing you, if he does not love you, nor is he afraid of losing you, then he is only selfish to you, and he will not give up until he reaches the goal, no matter what you feel, whether it is sad or painful.
Then the answer comes out.
The motivation of the Cold War is to absolutely control you, to like the Cold War at every turn, or to carry the Cold War to the end, and the deep meaning behind it is that it is not afraid of hurting you and losing you.
03
When encountering a man who likes the Cold War at every turn, what should women do?
Divorce is obviously not the way to solve the problem, after all, divorce is only the end of the relationship between husband and wife, an end of feelings, unless the days really can't go on, forced to no way back, only a desperate bet. The struggle, obviously, will only make the problem worse, make the relationship more rigid, and will not solve the fundamental problem.
So the right approach, we must first think about why he is not afraid of hurting you, why he is not afraid of losing you.
Regardless of his motives for liking the Cold War, the main reason he insisted on the cold war behavior was not to be afraid of losing you, not afraid of hurting you.
If he's afraid of losing you, afraid of hurting you, even if he still has cold war ideas, he can't put it into practice.
Not afraid to lose you because you are not worth enough; not afraid to hurt you, because your attraction is not enough. When you are attractive enough and he loves you very much, he simply can't bear to hurt you, and when he sees you, he will be heartbroken, and he will be soft-hearted, and he will especially want to hug you.
Attraction and value, you always have to account for the same, if you don't ask him to love you, and you still want to continue your life, you have to make yourself strong, strong enough to make him afraid of losing you.
Don't be miserable, it's unnecessary and meaningless, and if you don't solve the actual problem, if you don't solve the fundamental problem, you will live even more painfully. You may wish to turn pain and grief into strength, do not expect him to take the initiative to bow his head, take the initiative to be soft, when you are valuable enough, attractive enough, naturally do so.
Next, you have to change yourself, try to cultivate your own real social value, and don't look like you can't survive without him. The more he made him feel this way, the more he thought he was going to eat you and stick to the Cold War.
There is also the value played in the family, when the family is inseparable from you, which hits his weakness, although selfish people, when it comes to their own interests, will not take care of the family, but there will be some concerns. The more benefits you bring to the family, the greater the benefits, and the family's needs for you will constrain him.
Losing yourself is the beginning of the loss of attraction, and the more he likes the Cold War, the more you have to strengthen your bottom line and make yourself a person who can always keep the bottom line.
In ordinary life, you should have the formation of a unique personality, as well as the discovery of your true self, even if the economy is temporarily unable to be independent, you should also have a spiritual edge.
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