Author: Warm-blooded animal (ID: staywarmblood)
My daily life with my boyfriend is often "dangerous".
This crisis refers to the fact that we are very prone to quarrels over a very small matter, which will turn into a Cold War.
Most of the time, none of us can predict when this crisis will be triggered.
But we all know that when we are all waiting for each other to speak first, the crisis begins.
Last weekend, my boyfriend and I drove to the mall, and he rarely took a co-driver, and the atmosphere in the car was quite pleasant at first.
But halfway through the car, I started regretting it.
Although I repeated to him several times, "You go to sleep first, and then call you." ”
But he still nervously grabbed the armrest above the window, turned 45 degrees to the left, and reminded me from time to time: "There is a car in front, with some brakes." ”
In fact, before he could warn me, I was already slowing down.
Obviously I was already driving very well, and he was going to teach me how to drive, and I sighed, thinking that if he said it again, he would shut him up.
He was also amused, straightened his body, and the car finally returned to quiet.
After entering the underground garage of the mall, I went around several times and did not see a single empty seat.
I saw a car preparing to leave, but I was slow to react for a few seconds and was preempted by the opposite car.
He frowned and sighed impatiently.
Although I didn't say anything, it was clear to me that he was disgusted with my driving skills.
The more I thought about it, the more angry I became, and I couldn't help but ask him, "What do you mean?" ”
As a result, he replied innocently: "I didn't say anything." ”
I was even angrier: "You've been talking all the way, you're annoying me." ”
He inhaled backwards, opened his mouth, just wanted to say something, swallowed it back, and changed his mouth to say something that made people more angry:
"I'm not going to say anything now, okay?"
Usually at this point, I don't bother to continue arguing with him.
As a result, we began to fall silent, maintaining a high degree of tacit understanding on the matter of "not taking the initiative to speak first".
Because we are not good at expression and communication, we have suffered greatly from the Cold War.
Especially in the first two years of the relationship, I have a deep understanding of this.
At that time, the frequency of our Cold War was a little better, once a week, a little worse, once a day.
Looking back now, I can't remember what I was upset about all day.
But the feeling of not having a heated argument but also exhausting people is still vivid.
The deepest impression is that once, after I had a fight with him, I looked at the caller ID on my phone, deliberately did not answer, thinking that when he called the third time, I would answer.
As a result, after the second missed call, I stared at the phone screen, and he didn't call again.
Before the real Cold War began, I missed the "best and best period" when the other side bowed first, so that later, we didn't say a word for nearly half a month.
During that half-month-long Cold War, we all held a stalemate with the mentality of "if you don't take the initiative to find me, even if I want to talk to you, I won't take the initiative to find you."
We saw the Cold War as a "wooden man" game.
I think the rules of the game are that "active speaking" means that you need the relationship more than the other party, and you can win without taking the initiative to talk and persist until the end.
But then I realized that the more I tried to prove to the other person that I didn't care, the more I wanted to hide my uneasiness about the relationship.
Because of the fear that you will not get the desired response after taking the initiative, afraid that you will be treated casually next time if you are too unprincipled, and afraid of losing the initiative in this relationship.
So they try to get the pleasure of being cared for and valued by remaining indifferent and waiting for the other party to break the deadlock first.
And now, more and more, I find that the longer we spend together, the less we can get pleasure from the boring game of the Cold War.
In other words, we feel more and more important than winning or losing in the Cold War.
So we didn't bother to have a cold war.
It is safe to say that even in the Cold War, we believe that reconciliation will soon be achieved.
This grasp is mainly derived from the accumulated knowledge of the rhythm of the Cold War.
Back to that day, after we got out of the car, we ignored each other and walked to the elevator, each standing in a corner.
After coming out of the elevator, he suddenly went around to my right hand, pulled the bag in my hand over, and asked:
"Go ice three points sweet?"
I nodded, and he ran to the milk tea shop that we usually liked to drink.
By the time he returned with two cups of milk tea, I had already bought his favorite brine.
Yes, we almost had a big fight five minutes ago, but in that moment, we preferred to put our tacit understanding into the matter of reconciliation rather than the Cold War itself.
It could even be argued that in those five minutes, we went through a short cooling-off period before we were reconciled, not so much as a cold war.
After calming down, we all felt that instead of letting the Cold War ruin the trip, we should change our mood and enjoy the holiday.
In the Cold War, it was as if two people were pulling a rubber band tightly at each end.
I think that two people who really care about each other need to cultivate not the ability of who pulls tighter and who loosens faster, but the tacit understanding of gently loosening the rubber band together.
- END -
*Article Source: Warm-Blooded Animal (ID: staywarmblood).
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