Guide to Psychological Counseling in Guangzhou
My boyfriend told me when I broke up that my pickiness about him was simply 360° without dead ends, I was picky about his living habits, his friends, his parents, his way of working...
He said that he often had questions, I hate him so much, why should I be with him?
Reflection after the breakup
My boyfriend told me when I broke up that my pickiness about him was simply 360° without dead ends, I was picky about his living habits, his friends, his parents, his way of working... He said that he often had questions, I hate him so much, why am I still with him?
After the breakup, I was sad and felt that I had given so much for this relationship, so much for him, how could he do this to me. At one point I really wanted to do something to save him, but my intuition told me that even if he didn't break up this time, he would be tired and I wouldn't be happy if he continued to get along like this. A voice inside me vaguely told me: the problem is on me.
So, after the breakup, I restrained myself from thinking about him and focused more on myself.
I read a lot of books about running a relationship, and I also dabbled in some psychology books and courses, and reflecting on that relationship, I found that I didn't do well enough in many places. If I had learned about emotions earlier, the relationship would not have come to the point where it is now, at least in the process of falling in love with each other much less.
I spent a long time thinking about this after the breakup:
I can pick out so many faults in him, why would I want to be with him.
Finally I realized that it was not him but myself that I was picky.
I always feel that I am not good enough, so I always feel that the people who like me are not good enough.
I have read a lot of books and seen a lot of scenery, and I feel that I should be more excellent, and I should have a career that I can do and start, rather than a job that simply supports myself; I should also have a better lover, a spiritual partner like the one written in the book, than such a person.
I turned all my dissatisfaction with myself into a sharp weapon to attack the people and things around me.
I am not only picky about myself, but more about this society, and pick on the people closest to me. I want a better life, a more successful career, and a better lover, but until I realize it, I don't know how to do it, so I always hope that life will change by itself, career will naturally become better, and lovers will be more perfect.
Later I realized that my pickiness was a form of control, a manifestation of my insecure behavior.
Because my pickiness is to point out the problem and then let the other person do it, but I just say it there. And I have always thought of myself as careful, responsible and responsible.
Now whenever I want to be picky, ask myself, what do I want to get out of such pickiness? If it were me, could I do better?
In this process, I will find a lot about myself, whether I think comprehensively, whether I am self-righteous, whether I overstep the line.
I no longer point out problems for the other party to do, but do it myself, and this change not only gives the other party more understanding and positive support, but also makes me more confident and responsible for my own life.
Now I'm much more gregarious, I don't always read at home on weekends, and sometimes I go crazy with a group of friends.
I was curious about how they were different from me, and I was pleasantly surprised by every new discovery. It's not completely useless to be picky, for example, they always give me the task of choosing a restaurant, because I am picky and quality-seeking, and I will definitely be able to choose the most suitable place for everyone to gather.
Epilogue to emotional counseling
(1) In fact, we know that being picky can't change anything, so why should we continue to be picky after experiencing a lot of setbacks? Because pickiness is the simplest mode of self-protection – to protect our self-esteem.
(2) People who like to be picky often have the experience of being picky in childhood. The pain of these picks can be infinitely magnified, and the effect may be caused by a caregiver who likes to be picky, or a relative, or a neighbor who often visits the door.
(3) Love born of perfection is not true love, true love is, I know your imperfections, I know that you have such and such shortcomings, but I still love you because you are the whole of yourself.
If we can't love others like this for the time being, then let's love ourselves like this first, we all deserve this kind of love.