When the first-tier city Bai Fumei encountered a marriage dilemma

Girls born and raised in first-tier cities suddenly find it more and more difficult to fall in love:

My ex-husband and I met at an alumni birthday party. He was very kind to me when he chased me, and would take the time to study my preferences, which led me to mistakenly think that the two parties had similar hobbies, and that he and I were quite suitable.

He grew up in Shanghai, and although he was a single parent, his financial conditions were okay, and he had houses in Shanghai and Nanjing. However, he has always attached great importance to money, and our consumption concept is very different.

He didn't say anything on the surface, but found a reason to vent on other things, and deliberately quarreled with me.

The trigger for the final divorce was because he didn't work. He said that he wanted to start a business with his college classmates, but in fact, he stayed at home every day.

Our family has three apartments in Shanghai, all of which are three-room, and we have a lot of savings at home, and my parents have some contacts and connections. I also found out after marriage that my ex-husband is a very good climbing and powerful type of person, and wants to use my family's connections to attract connections for himself.

This kind of thing, if it's the icing on the cake, of course, it's okay, but I'm a little unhappy if I expect someone else to help you, and it's not a very good relationship between the two of us.

I introduced him to a decent job, a management position in the funeral industry, with an annual salary of 500,000 yuan, and equity after the company went public. But he felt that if he wanted to use it, he had to use the relationship to the extreme, and hoped that people would provide him with car stickers and house stickers for renting houses in the suburbs, which would be equivalent to giving him an extra four or five thousand yuan a month. Of course, the other party did not accept his "sitting on the ground and starting the price", and in the end, the negotiations between the two sides collapsed, and it was quite ugly.

After this incident, I couldn't get by, and finally we separated, ending the marriage.

I didn't expect him to act for so long before marriage. In his heart, getting married means trapping me, and he is about to start collecting interest. I probably feel that since I have been voting for me for so long, I should repay him.

Now I am married for the second time and have a baby. My current husband and I are junior high school classmates and have known each other for more than 20 years, because we know each other, and we are together with a clear understanding of each other's strengths and weaknesses. We quarreled over trivial things, maybe only once or twice a year.

Although many Shanghai girls' families say that they want to find local ones, everyone has gradually relaxed their requirements, and cities around Shanghai can be rounded to "local".

An ex-boyfriend is a colleague at a former company. We were together in 2018, and there were some conflicts in May last year, and now they are disconnected.

He is a native of Northeast China and his ancestors have lived in the countryside. Although he has a college degree, his mind is very flexible, and he really works hard, his annual salary can reach millions, and he saves a down payment for a house in Beijing on his own, so we all talked about getting married.

My ex-boyfriend told me before that one of the reasons he chose to stay with me was because my family was "local to Beijing." This means a natural sense of stability, he himself has been adrift since childhood, and if the woman's home is here, he will feel very grounded.

But unexpectedly, the reason for breaking up was also because I was a local, and he said that I had a sense of pride in my bones that I could not even detect.

Last year, I discovered his mental derailment. He confessed that he felt a lot of psychological pressure around me, and felt that if he wanted to marry a Beijing girl, he must have a house here, so that his family could afford to marry me.

But for me, what he thought was a "better environment" was actually really average, far worse than my own home. Maybe that's what he's proud of, I don't think it's that powerful. Over time, he felt that I always didn't approve of him.

Before the age of 30, I never thought about the door-to-door approach, as long as two people are willing to be together and willing to work together for one thing, the door-to-door is conceptual, it can be broken.

Moreover, I also experienced a lot of pressure in the process of the family from not accepting to accepting him. Especially for a local like me, if you find a boy who is a little worse than yourself, it is estimated that you will encounter this kind of problem, you have to constantly explain his advantages to your family, or protect his shortcomings, so that your family believes that he has the ability to bring happiness to yourself.

But after going through this, I felt like I was "slapped in the face". I don't want to bear this kind of pressure anymore, so when I look for a boyfriend in the future, I will let the family see it first, and let my parents help me judge first.

After we broke up, I also politely sent WeChat to his parents. The father of the ex-boyfriend said something quite objective, "If we change the two of us and adjust the conditions, maybe you even have children now." ”

I am a "second generation" and my parents are company executives.

My ex-boyfriend and I are high school classmates, and we have been in a relationship since high school and talked for seven or eight years. After going to university, we had a long-distance relationship, and then I went to Australia for graduate school, and we had to be in a foreign relationship.

Their family is a listed company, which is indeed richer than ours, but at the same time they are very traditional Fujianese.

As soon as I graduated from undergrad, his parents wanted us to get married, and hoped that I could get along with my husband and children, be a full-time wife at home, "no need to go out to work", wherever my husband needs to travel, I have to follow. They also wanted me to "have two more" and have boys.

I like children very much, giving birth to two or three, as long as my body allows, I don't mind so much, but when I hear the request that "I must have a son", I can't accept it a little.

In 2020, I returned to China after graduating with a master's degree, and I was also depressed for a while, and I met many boys on the dating platform. Although I don't explicitly say about my family's financial conditions, I drive my own car when I go out to dinner, it's a Porsche Cayenne, and I won't hide it if they ask me.

In this process, some boys will create their own rich personalities. For example, he will say that he has a house in a remote area of Shenzhen for his parents, and plans to buy another apartment in the city center. But when I got to know it, I found that he didn't have the financial power.

Some people were obviously more attentive after seeing the car I was driving, and the frequency of chatting was much higher. Before we met and asked me to eat, it was one or two hundred per capita, and then I would only ask for one or two thousand restaurants per capita.

But whether this person is sincere or false is actually easy for me to tell. My current husband, his family is very ordinary, a "small-town problem maker" in a third-tier small city, his family did not leave him any assets, he came to Shenzhen alone to work hard, and also bought a house and a car.

When he was about to get married, he gave my mother more than three million yuan after repaying the loan, without any remarks, which was equivalent to all his assets, just as a bride price for marriage.

Originally, my parents thought that his "conditions were too bad", but now they think that this person has no scheming, "a little stupid, but it is okay".

Interview: Pomelo

Respondents are pseudonyms