Today I want to talk about a group of women who have inspired me greatly.
A TVB actress who did not enter marriage.
You may have noticed them too.
When you reach the marriage age, or after the marriage age, you are still not in a hurry to get married.
Or stay with your boyfriend for many years, live together, but don't get a license.
For a while, I would observe their lives like a sample.
Chen Farong, who was born as a Hong Kong sister, was once in love, invested, and frustrated.
Now 56 years old, she received a diamond proposal ring in her drawer and turned it down.
She said that if you choose the wrong person, you will be more lonely.
"It was I who chose to be single, not single who chose me."
Hui Yinghong is 62 years old and is not married, and there are few love scandals.
She beat a woman, was abandoned by the film industry, depressed, climbed out on her own, and at the age of 57, won the Golden Horse Award again.
She values her work the most. "Feelings are bonuses. Work represents the existence of value, and the substantive life is guaranteed. ”
TVB "Royal Aunt", 69-year-old Cheng Wei firmly did not marry very early. When she was younger, she had seen many women who were dragged down by motherhood.
Now, she has a puppy and lives alone, free and unfettered.
"It's so easy to shake the sky, and I've been happy for many years."
I also found a set of data showing that in 2021, the median age of first marriage for women in Hong Kong has risen to 30.6 years.
In 2020 in the mainland, the age of first marriage for women was 27.95 years old. It's also rising.
That's why I say that seeing the lives of these women is a real inspiration.
We are always disciplined to follow a set path, to get married and have children, not to be disconnected from those around us.
I'm 28 years old, and I've been especially impressed with this. All the voices around you are persuading, coaxing, and even threatening you, trying to drag you into marriage.
But from this group of women, I see some life samples that give people confidence, and they have enough experience and qualifications to answer:
A woman can live without stepping into marriage, but listening to her own voice.
You must have heard the voice, it's time to get married.
Otherwise, your life will be derailed. Abnormal.
For this group of Hong Kong women, this set of rules does not work.
Marriage is not a rule, just an option.
I remember this sentence of 57-year-old Deng Cuiwen for a long time.
The host asked her, will she still be urged to get married?
She asked rhetorically, no one dares to urge me, right?
Then she replied earnestly, "Marriage is a dessert, not a necessity."
In the eyes of this group of women, not getting married is by no means an outlier, but a common sense.
One scene that impressed me very deeply was when Hui Yinghong ridiculed herself at the age of 61 that she was not married.
She pretended to exaggerate:
"I have a driver's license, I have a therapist's license, I have a first aid license, I have a travel license, I don't have a marriage license."
She admits that she has had a "hate marriage" stage.
But in the face of outside voices, she firmly chose a career that would expand more possibilities in her life.
In the face of marriage urging, they dared to shout back.
Zhang Wenci, a 51-year-old actress who has played "The Story of Fat Cats", has the most commented video of her netizens urging marriage.
- Why don't you get married until this age?
- What is it about you (what is it about you)?
I suddenly remembered 56-year-old Li Ruotong.
When Yang Liping was commented that "a woman's biggest failure is not getting married and having children", she posted a rare long Weibo, confessing her heart path as a woman:
"Why do people have to get married?
She said that whether men or women, do not make hasty decisions about their lives because of age and the eyes of others.
I often read messages in the background, and many women my age hear the same voice.
We often spend a lot of time doubting and consuming ourselves because of these voices.
But this group of women tells you that this is the life I have chosen, the life I want.
I never felt any pressure or shame about it.
What strikes me even more is that they always recognize their own voices.
And be honest with yourself.
One actress I must say is 52-year-old Xuan Xuan.
In her 20s, the top management looked down on her status as an actress and was unwilling to give her resources, "a woman's career is to marry and have children."
She fought back firmly:
"No, I like acting very much, I want to continue acting."
She faces an overly forked road, a path that seems simpler and more tempting.
At the age of 30, he married his boyfriend of 6 years, then retired from the circle to take care of the family. This is a path that many female stars will choose.
But she refused.
20 years later, looking back on her choice, she never regrets it.
"I asked myself, would I regret giving up my career to get married and not climbing to higher heights? I quickly answered myself: Yes. ”
She has been sick because she has grown old and fat, but she is still acting. The latest play is a suspense drama, which is a new attempt.
There is also Zhang Keyi, who is the same age as Xuanxuan.
Back then, she, like Xuanxuan, was one of TVB's five hottest Hua Dan.
At the age of 42, she also made the same choice as Xuanxuan.
Her boyfriend, who is worth 1 billion, put a multiple-choice question in front of her. Let her not renew the contract, get married and have children. She knew what she wanted, renewed her job contract, and terminated the relationship.
Now that she's 52 years old, I read her Weibo and recorded myself climbing, exercising, traveling.
The work continues to be done, and the relationship does not stop talking.
She said that life must be constantly in love, even when she is 60 years old, she must continue to be in love.
She also has a sentence that I always remember, it was in an interview, responding to Hua Dan, who was at the same time as her, all slowed down their careers and got married.
She congratulated them, "happy for them, and most importantly enjoy their posts."
But she doesn't envy: "I don't have wife and motherhood, I'm just a professional woman." If that's the case, why force yourself? ”
This sentence shocked me very much. This is the first time I've heard a woman stand up and say,
I don't want to be a wife and a mother.
I'm going to choose the life I want to live.
And that gave me a tremendous conviction.
Living a mainstream life is an inertia, and getting married and having children is also an inertia. But, you can reject that inertia.
The only thing you have to do is identify and insist on your voice.
That's why the more I look at this group of women, the more inspired and inspired I become.
They offer us a possibility:
A woman can live like this.
One woman I admire is Cheng Yuling, a 65-year-old who played Miss Mo, a female lawyer in Central, in "Male Love".
There is a very apt evaluation of her, the female star who is most similar to the Yishu girl in Hong Kong.
She lived her whole life with her head held high like a Yishu girl. Strong career, strong love.
Insist on non-marriage. Two long-distance love runs, both failed.
She concluded that men don't usually accept women like me.
"Men like to ask all the time, 'So what should I do?' and I usually know what to do. ”
She is 65 years old, single, and lives in a large house she bought in Repulse Bay. Still working. Wear clothes and chase stars in your spare time.
Someone diss her and has nothing for the rest of her life except the money earned.
I think Zheng Yuling's vocal sentence may be a response:
"Usually I get what I want."
She has lived a life that has not been influenced by the outside world, and it is also a life of independent choice.
How will a woman live her life if she does not enter into marriage?
Cheng Ke, who has lived celibate all his life, is also very qualified to answer this question.
Asked by a reporter during the interview, didn't you think about starting a family and being a real aunt?
She reacted strongly: "Why be a mother? I hate getting married the most. ”
She has an explanation:
"I am simple, I work hard to live, I have my own contentment, I have my own joy, I don't want to get into trouble."
I really enjoy reading her current life in Little Red Book.
Grateful for work and don't want to retire yet. Live life to the fullest, go swimming, bake sauna. Raised a puppy named BB and never felt alone. Most of the time self-cooking, occasionally meet friends for dinner, AA system, life is light and healthy, free contentment.
Not long ago, a 26-year-old girl asked her in Little Red Book, how to choose between marriage and singleness?
She returned soberly:
"If you feel that your ability can face all the problems, wealth, money, opinions, you can decide for yourself, then you are eligible to be single."
You have to decide for yourself whether you have this ability or not, don't rely on anyone, stand up. ”
Finally she said, I can't give you a decision.
"You are (have) your own personality, your own qualifications, you decide for yourself"
This is also the greatest courage I have gained from this group of women.
Never let the outside world drown out your own voice.
Never force yourself.
Don't slip into life you don't want because of fear and inertia.
Written by: Deng Yaya