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What delayed the love of this migrant worker?

What delayed the love of this migrant worker?

Burning Dimension (ID: chaintruth) original

Author | Lv Jingzhi, Feng Xiaoting, Cao Yang, Ma Shuye

Zhang Lin, Xie Zhongxiu, Hui Pengquan

Edit | Hui Peng Quan

For this batch of migrant workers, love has become a "luxury".

"It's not that I don't want to fall in love and get married, I really don't have time." Liuli, a designer of a large factory in Shanghai, said to Ran Dimension. Liuli basically leaves the company at 8 p.m. every night, and sometimes works overtime until 9 p.m., because she can take a taxi for free.

When she returned home after dinner, there was only an hour or two before she rested, and Liuli didn't want to "waste" a single minute in love.

"I have a bunch of American dramas that I haven't caught up with, novels I haven't finished reading, and dramas I want to see. Work takes up almost all of my time, but also my mind and energy. So on weekends or other times when I'm not working, I just want to go where I want to go and do what I want to do. Love, too luxurious. Liuli said.

People like Liuli who live in first-tier cities, because of overtime and work pressure, there are many people who have no time or mood to fall in love. The Weibo topic #Overtime makes young people have no time to get married and have children#Rushed to the hot search list, attracting 8.446 million people to read and discuss.

What delayed the love of this migrant worker?

Picture/Weibo topic Source/Sina Weibo Screenshot of the burning dimension

In addition to the "luxury" of time, there are also some people who do not want to fall in love because they are not materially "luxurious".

"In Beijing, two people go out on a date, take a taxi, eat, watch a movie, at least 350-500 yuan, if you want to eat something good, there is almost no upper limit. And there are many various Internet celebrity restaurants and cultural performances in Beijing, with a cup of coffee at every turn 50 yuan, and a drama one or two hundred yuan. I can't afford to talk about this relationship. Shen, who is studying for a doctorate in Beijing, said half-jokingly.

Shen's monthly doctoral subsidy plus the salary of the internship is about 6500-7000 yuan, "I myself am not very careful in spending money, usually eat and drink, and then buy something, these funds are enough for me alone, but it is not enough to fall in love." ”

Obviously, time and money are the two mountains that stand in the way of falling in love with this batch of migrant workers, but what hinders "falling in love" is not them.

In this issue of the tavern, Ran Dimension found a few workers and chatted about their "emotional road" that was not going well. Among them, some of them need to travel frequently, and their relationship ends without problems, and they slowly become unintentional in love; In order to eliminate loneliness, some people have three dogs, and the queue is full every day, and naturally there is no time to fall in love; Some people live and work in almost the same sex, and do not want to "settle"; Some people are Dink, and when they talk about this willingness with their partners, the other party stops the loss in time and ends quickly.

Although this batch of migrant workers have encountered a series of problems in falling in love, they know where the problem occurs and how to change this situation. When the time is ripe, they will also usher in their own "sweet love".

Here are their stories, and probably our lives as well.

01

In the big factory 996, it is not "worthy" to fall in love

Zhang Cheng|28 years old Internet product manager

After entering the factory, I not only pressed the "start button" of 996, but also completely opened the chapter of "lonely" life.

After I joined a leading Internet factory in my junior year, in order to reduce my commuting time, I rented a house about 20 minutes walk from the company. But tragically, I never walked out of the office before 10 p.m.

Due to the rush of the project and the lack of time coordination, after I released my ex-girlfriend a few pigeons, she couldn't bear to break up with me. Before leaving, she only said lightly, "You have changed." ”

At that time, I was struggling between my graduation thesis and internship, I could only sleep 4-5 hours a day, and "love" became a "luxury" for me. I always thought that it would be good after I officially worked, and I could balance work and life, but I didn't expect that it would be my last relationship.

After becoming a regular, I became a "child of others" in the eyes of everyone, working in a large factory with a good office environment and high welfare benefits, and was arranged into the core project, and the scenery was unlimited for a while.

However, before I could digest the joy of becoming positive, I was overwhelmed by the work that followed. My work and life are completely inseparable, and my personal "schedule" has almost become the company's "project schedule". I was spinning between project after project, exhausted like a spinning top for KPIs.

Even if I leave the company after 10 p.m. and receive a call from the leader in the early morning of the next day, I have to rush back to the company to fix the bug. Days like these give me little social time to speak of. Not to mention going to social situations to meet girls, even having a meal with old friends is even more difficult.

I also tried to change this dilemma, there was no time to go offline, I began to try major social mini programs, APP, and even private domain matchmaker dinner, and also dated several excellent girls before and after, but after several dates, the other party will always be "persuaded" by my frequent checking of group information and the state of being on standby on rest days.

What delayed the love of this migrant worker?

Picture: In the dating APP, the connection will always be disconnected due to busyness

Source: Photo courtesy of Zhang Cheng

Even once, I had developed a relationship with a girl who could travel together, but after witnessing me get up at 2 a.m. and report to the group overnight, the other party felt that my life routine could not have enough energy to devote myself to the possibility of falling in love and getting married in the future, so he broke off contact with me after returning to Beijing.

Now, for nearly 5 years since I graduated from university, I have been single and have begun to become "Buddhist" day by day. In addition to regularly shouting "I want to talk about sweet love" in the circle of friends every New Year and Valentine's Day, I also assume that my continuous work state is not suitable for really "falling in love".

Maybe when I leave the factory one day and get rid of 996, I will usher in the day when I am "qualified" to fall in love.

02

Single-mindedly "engaged" money, unintentionally in love

Xiong Da | 32 years old Activity execution

From being too busy at work to have time to fall in love, to today's subjective belief that "no need" to fall in love, it took me about 10 years.

In 2013, after graduating from university, I joined a media company and worked as an event executive. The biggest feature of this job is that it requires frequent business trips, and each business trip is very long.

I remember that at that time, this media company mainly undertook college campus activities, and every business trip needed to choose a route, such as "southwest line" and "southeast line". The number of online schools is different, but as long as you go out and do activities, you basically need to reach every university. According to the calculation of the need to stay in a school for 5 days at that time, the duration of each business trip was from one month.

At that time, I was young, I was very enthusiastic about my work, and I didn't have a girlfriend, so I never turned down a business trip.

Slowly, I seemed to get used to this kind of work, and in the last 10 years, although I changed workplaces, I never changed jobs. After all, business trips can not only get salaries normally, but also have relatively high performance, plus travel subsidies, etc., the salary can be much higher than when you are not traveling.

What delayed the love of this migrant worker?

Photo: The scene of a brand event

Source: Photo courtesy of Xiong Da

Especially my current company, every time I travel, the company prepays the cost of machine wine, food and lodging, and comes back from the business trip to get the invoice deduction, and there is no need to pay in advance. Tired is a little tired, but the happiness of business trips is still quite high, and I earn more.

However, frequent business travel, while making my wallet bulge, made my road to love difficult. When I was young, I was also very eager for love, especially when I occasionally got together, and I was anxious to see that my peers had girlfriends. But after really talking about it, I realized that I really "didn't deserve".

I remember that in 2019, I established a relationship with a girl. But after just 2 weeks together, I had to travel again. Because before establishing the relationship, I clearly stated the nature of my work, and the other party also said that it was understandable, so when it came time to go on a business trip, I went without psychological pressure.

But just a week or so out we started arguing. Probably the content is "can't see each other, what kind of love." "At first, I did feel guilty, and in order to spend as much time as possible with my girlfriend, I began to try to discuss with the leader whether I could reduce my business trips.

Later, I found out that I was wrong, even if I reduced the frequency of travel, as long as I traveled, there would be arguments. Of course, that relationship ended in nothing. And since then, I haven't been in a relationship again. The idea of "finding a girlfriend" gradually disappeared from my subjective consciousness, replaced by "trying to make money".

Everything is fictitious, only the money in hand is real.

03

It's better to be in love than to pet a dog

Fifi | 31-year-old freelancer

Many years ago, I watched a Taiwanese drama about how to choose between love and career, "Jingjing". There is a line similar to this in this play, "Love is just the process of two people who do not hate each other to resist loneliness, so as long as loneliness is solved, people don't actually need love." "I've always been convinced of that.

And I have many ways to beat loneliness, such as owning a dog.

Since 2022, my work does not require full-time shifts, and I immediately contacted the dog adoption center in Shunyi, Beijing. Because I have long taken a fancy to a dog with an eye on their public account, but I have always been afraid that I will not have time to take care of it. After communicating with the adoption base, I took the dog home and named it, Sister Xiong.

In the second half of 2022, in order to save high rent, Sister Xiong and I moved to the suburbs of Shunyi. As a result, while walking our dogs in the backyard woods one morning, we came across two more stray dogs. In this way, Sister Xiong "picked up" her two younger brothers and named them Pocket and Turn. So, the three of us began a very rich life of snailing alone.

What delayed the love of this migrant worker?

Photo: Pocket and Sister Xiong

Source: Photo courtesy of Fifi

After getting a dog, my life became very regular, getting up early to walk the dog, and then "flopping" a dog to accompany me for a morning run, and then go home to work. Walk the dog, read a book, and go to bed at night. However, this seemingly healthy life also seems to make it difficult for me to have a chance to fall in love.

For the first time, I had a full schedule every day, and I didn't have much extra time to go out on a date. I basically plan my time a week in advance, including exercise, work, cooking for myself, occasionally adding meals to my dog, and accompanying my dog. Even if you find time to have a meal with friends, you will often miss appointments because of temporary work, and eventually become rusty.

Second, I live in the suburbs, and usually the good food and fun are in the city center, and it takes three or four hours to go back and forth. I'd rather take my three dogs and a book to the park for half a day on the weekend than take the subway or bus transfer N times to meet someone who doesn't know if there's a following.

Plus, I'm a very nasty person, and even if my friends ask me out to dinner, I don't like to sit and talk around with people I don't know. Friends also always say that it would be nice if I could come out once out of ten times. And my circle of friends, who are dogs except for work, "looks like single youth with boring life." The friend said with a smile.

However, only I know how pleasant my seemingly boring life is in the eyes of outsiders. I don't seem to have boring time at all, and the life of three dogs and one person is rich and sufficient.

04

I love fitness and I don't have time to fall in love

Dadong|28 years old Company employee

If you delay falling in love because of a hobby, many people may not understand, but if this hobby is fitness, you may be able to get some people's understanding, sports addiction is really addictive.

At 5 p.m., I added a meal of "chicken breast + coarse grain" to the company pantry. After work, I put on my gym gear and went straight to the gym and ironed for an hour and a half. After taking a shower, I talked to my fitness friends for a while, and it was basically 9 p.m. when I got home.

I repeat this arrangement every day on weekdays, except in very special circumstances, which are basically impressive.

In addition to fitness, most of my other hobbies are related to sports. On weekends, I most likely just kick the gas pedal to climb or ski. Compared to other hobbies, exercise may also consume more time and energy, which makes me basically have no time to fall in love.

What delayed the love of this migrant worker?

Photo: Dadong Gym selfie

Source/Photo courtesy of Dadong

In addition to spending time in the gym, I also spend other hours honing my fitness skills.

When I first entered the gym, I practiced by myself, and then I entered the door under the click of the "big guys" in the gym, and after accumulating certain fitness knowledge, I began systematic training. I thought that since I started to practice, I had to really practice and understand, so I bought several fitness books such as "Sports Deplanation Atlas", "Sports Deplaning Atlas" and "Fitness Nutrition Encyclopedia" to study the exercise methods of different muscle groups and scientifically exercise scientific diet.

In addition to not having time, more importantly, because of fitness, I also strictly control my diet, which also affects the dating experience.

In 2022, a friend introduced me to a girl, you can't take a girl to eat boiled dishes on a date. The first two times we met, we went to the restaurant normally, but eating these high-oil and high-salt foods, I was full of "not conducive to muscle growth", until the third time I entered a restaurant with a bento box filled with chicken breast and rough grain rice, and then there was no more.

Maybe my actions make the girl feel disrespected, but what she doesn't know is that I eat the same bento at my cousin's wedding, which is just my lifestyle. Later, when I thought about it, I was relieved, the input and output of fitness are basically proportional to each other, and it is not necessary to fall in love, and I think it is of little significance to give up "certainty" for the sake of "uncertainty".

But if I can find a girl who loves sports as much as I do, fitness and love are both a good choice.

05

The circle is all of the same sex, and it is really difficult to get rid of the single

Wei Wei丨28 years old media person

The public's impression of media professionals should be good, typing and writing, participating in events, looking relaxed and glamorous.

But if you really go deep into this circle, you will know that 80% of the practitioners in this industry (journalists, and the statistics are from the three media outlets I have worked with) are women, which means that almost all of my peers and friends I meet from work are women.

Source/Visual China

What delayed the love of this migrant worker?

You may think that the media often have to deal with strangers, such as interviews or attending various product launches, which should also be a way to meet new people. However, this is not the case, most of us and the interviewees are "one-sided", after this interview, we don't know when it will be, let alone have further friendship.

What about your daily life and socialization outside of work? It's harder.

On the surface, a journalist is a freelance profession that does not need to sit on the job, billed by the piece, as long as the manuscript is completed. But it also means that we are a migrant worker who is always on call, ready to start up the machine. Maybe one second you are comfortably lying on the bed to brush a video, the next second a hot news pop-up pops up, and you are going to get up to work.

Just like me, once, I was watching a movie with a friend, and the editor called me, so I could only retreat to the corner, use my phone to change the manuscript, and when I finished it, the movie was over.

Such working hours on call are also very detrimental to me to "talk about love". Moreover, I often need to complete the manuscript in a short time, I often need to be highly concentrated, and it is difficult to relax after high pressure, and I really don't want to spend energy to fall in love, but I want to "fat house" at home, brush dramas, and eat snacks.

As for socializing, I occasionally eat with friends and visit the park, but as mentioned before, 80% of my work circle is same-sex, and my life circle is 90%.

Once I joked with a friend in a group full of girls, "Are there any single men around you, introduce me." The other girls in the group said "+1" one after another, but no one knew any single members of the opposite sex, and finally ended embarrassed.

After that ignorant relationship in college, I have been single for four or five years. During this time, I also want to fall in love, but I am not in a hurry, and my current life is comfortable and comfortable to live alone. If finding someone doesn't add glory to my life, but only adds to my life, then I really don't have to ask for hardships.

What's more, in these years, it is easy to find someone "willingly", but the life of "willing" has to be lived by yourself, and you need to be cautious to find a suitable and reliable person.

06

"Dink" was a stumbling block to my relationship

Moon Shadow丨30 years old Project Manager

Because of Dink's plans after marriage, almost every relationship I have had is "over before it starts".

Dink's thoughts originated from the family of origin, and when I was relatively young, my parents were not in harmony and often quarreled and domestic violence had a certain negative impact on me, but this only accounted for a small part of the factor. The main thing is that I don't think I'm strong enough to support another life, and I don't think I have any good genes that I can pass on.

In addition, the various unsatisfactory marital life of relatives and friends around me, especially the chain reaction brought about by childbirth, often make people feel very helpless and powerless to change, which also makes me feel fearful.

For "Dink", "no one sent to the end" should be the biggest point of contention. At present, the mainstream idea is to oppose the outdated idea of "raising children and preventing old age", but ask yourself, especially the vast number of male groups, how many people raise children The underlying logic is not "old age"? Parents will say, "If you don't have children, nursing home nurses will bully you." "But in this line of thinking, isn't it worse to have children who still go to nursing homes?

However, I am also mentally prepared for retirement. Assuming that reproduction is bitter first and then sweet, then it means that I enjoyed it first, and if the evening scene is bleak, it is also fair. What's more, this may not be the case. Too many children do not prevent the fact of old age happening around me, so I also have more reservations about human nature and family affection. At the same time, I think material prosperity and early planning for risks seem more reliable than relying on the affection of the next generation.

Although I refuse to have children, I am still looking forward to love and even married life. In fact, I also have a very reliable love object, and the reason for the breakup may be guessed by everyone. In fact, in the process of getting along, I also mentioned that I didn't want to have children, and he always acted indifferent, saying that what he liked was me as a person first, not fertility value. But while talking about it, I found that he has always been joking with me, and when I get married, I am like everyone else, everyone else has children, and we will naturally have them.

I seriously told him my thoughts, and found that the other party thought that the matter of childbirth was as simple as eating and drinking, and felt that women had to have children, and no children meant that the body was not good. At this point, I have decisively turned the page.

There are also friends introduced later, or when I meet a relatively good object, I will explain Dink's wishes in advance, and the average man hears this and stops the loss in time to end quickly.

What delayed the love of this migrant worker?

Photo: Danube in the evening

Source: Photo courtesy of Moon Shadow

Nowadays, when I see young people entering and leaving the mall, I don't envy at all, because I also have my own good life. There are many friends with the same values around, you can play together, exercise and travel together. Enjoy.

I hope that everyone can find a lifestyle that suits them, having children has the happiness of having children, Dink has Dink's wonderfulness, mutual respect, after all, your blessing, others can not enjoy, your suffering is only your own burden. They are all going their own way, who is more right than whom?

07

The same city is like a long-distance relationship, all thanks to traffic

Hirako | 26-year-old data analyst

After graduating from graduate school in 2022, I resolutely left Wuhan and came to Beijing to end my three-year long-distance relationship with my boyfriend. Unexpectedly, although we live in a city, we once again experience the feeling of being "in a different place" in the same city because of the traffic jam.

In the end, it is still because of "poverty". I am now working in data at a medical institution, and my salary is only 8,000 yuan, but the company provides accommodation, and if the employee does not apply for dormitory, it will be an additional 500 yuan per month. I initially planned to leave the dormitory after the 3-month trial period and rent an apartment with my boyfriend. Because I was looking for a job according to the district where my boyfriend's work unit was located, we were not far away.

As a result, the plan could not catch up with the change, and before I could turn right, my boyfriend's company moved, moving from the South 4th Ring Road to the North 5th Ring Road.

Therefore, we began to worry about the problem of accommodation, if we want to share a house, where to choose, the middle of the two places is within the third ring road, how expensive the rent is, we naturally have self-awareness. But if you had to choose one side, the other person would have to commute for hours a day.

We chose the third option: my boyfriend looked for a shared apartment outside the North Fifth Ring Road where the company was located, and I continued to stay in the company dormitory.

And our dating has become extremely troublesome because of the journey.

Source/Visual China

What delayed the love of this migrant worker?

The distance between the North 5th Ring Road and the South 4th Ring Road, if placed in my hometown, can go to the end of another city next to it.

And the places where small couples can go on a date are nothing more than municipal parks, exhibition halls, cinemas... And these places are often scattered in various urban areas of Beijing, and they are not even in the area that the distance between us can cover.

Huiju at Xihongmen Metro Station, Kaide at Xizhimen Station, and Xinzhongguan at Haidian Huangzhuang Station, these three business districts are the places we usually go to most often, and it is quite convenient to shop, eat and entertain. Even if these shopping malls can be directly connected by subway, I can't help but live far away, and the thought of going out to ride to the bus station, and then the bus to the subway, it takes two hours to meet each other, which is very troublesome.

Especially after returning to Beijing during the Spring Festival this year, I found that the flow of people in the subway and shopping malls was much more than last year, and the shopping malls on weekends were full of people. Since last month, we have only met twice, after all, the thought of going out for a meal in two hours is better than video chat, which is environmentally friendly and saves money.

Without seeing each other or dating, we both had a bit of a dull life, and there was almost no common topic. But helplessly difficult to find a job, rent is expensive, and now none of us dare to mention leaving the current unit. After all, this kind of "same city and different place" days is not a long-term solution, and we have recently had the idea of changing city life.

Perhaps leaving Beijing is the best solution for love preservation.

*The title image and some of the accompanying pictures are from Visual China.

*In the text, Liuli, Shen, Feifei, Zhang Cheng, Wei Wei, Xiong Da, Pingzi, Dadong, and Yueying are pseudonyms.

*Disclaimer: Under no circumstances does the information in this article or the opinions expressed constitute investment advice to anyone.

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