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Charlotte Brontë," Jane Eyre: "Patience is better than suffering only oneself than acting hastily and producing bad consequences." ”
Some roads can only be walked by one person, and some pain can only be endured by one person. Although we long to walk with others, and although we long for someone to help us share our pain, when these desires cannot be fulfilled, we are on our own.
Whether or not you know how to use your will to fight setbacks directly determines whether a person lives comfortably. If you are always dependent on others and cannot bear the setbacks and tribulations alone, any kind of small setback is enough to crush you.
Take the frustration in your feelings, the person you love has brought you hurt, he is no longer the person who can share the happiness and suffering with you, if you still expect him to rescue you, and struggle with why he does not love you, you will create new pain on the original pain, repeatedly struggling in the mire of pain, until you are crushed.
But if you change your mind, you accept reality, invoke your will to fight setbacks, and then find a way out, you can not only overcome setbacks on your own, but also start a new life, such a life is meaningful.
The following woman's change of mentality before and after the divorce is the embodiment of the above problems, let's listen to her story together.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
I loved a man for five years, but finally fulfilled him and others, and ended up with a "wedding dress for others", really unwilling.
I fell in love with him for the purpose of getting married, married him with the purpose of being white-headed and old, and have been giving wholeheartedly, not only as a teacher and friend to him, but also always like a nanny or even a mother, teaching him how to be a person and how to do things.
I used to think that there was no woman in the world who worked harder than me, and I felt that what I did was enough to move the world, no matter what kind of person he was at the beginning, he would be touched by my love, become a good husband who hurt me and loved me, and become a good father of my children.
My ideas were good, but the results were unexpected.
After he became more and more excellent under my tutelage, he did not reciprocate, but by virtue of the excellence I gave him, hooked up with others, betrayed me, and failed me.
The cabbage that I grow is eaten by pigs, which makes people heart-wrenching; the pigs they raise elope with other pigs are even more heart-wrenching.
I was confused, all those good ideas that had been there before had collapsed, and I couldn't understand why this was the result? Why didn't my efforts get paid off? Why is he not grateful for my efforts?
When my mother-in-law came forward to protect him, I instantly understood what was going on. It can be said that the problem between us is similar to the problem of "pouring water into the pool while releasing water on the pool" in the math problem, and while I am seriously cultivating him, my mother-in-law has been doing damage behind his back.
To put it simply, after he became excellent under my cultivation, he and his mother-in-law did not think that they should be grateful, but that he deserved to marry a better daughter-in-law. They think that I am not beautiful, that my mother's family has no money, and that when they have the ability to climb the tall branches, they should resolutely go to the high places.
I'm not a bargainer, I'm not a good scrambler, and after he betrayed me, he put pressure on me with his mother-in-law to bring our marriage to an end, and I hardly got any compensation.
No one can appreciate how much pain I was in at that time, feel that my youth fed the dog, feel that all the love I have given has been lost, and I can only suffer in silence alone, thinking repeatedly about what I have done wrong.
In the end, I came to the conclusion that I have been blindly helping the poor materially, emotionally and spiritually, thinking that what I have done is of great significance, but I do not know that if you love the wrong person, the better you are for him, the more unfavorable the end will be, because you have been making wedding dresses for others.
I am relieved that my ex-husband is not very good at learning, and he has not really become excellent, he only appears to be excellent under my blessing. Although he even coaxed and cheated to marry a wife who he thought was better than me, because he was "golden and jade, defeated in it", he was useless, and eventually abandoned, and the end was the same as when I was, and his wife abandoned him like he abandoned me.
At this time, he and his mother-in-law began to miss the old, thinking that only by remarrying me could he become excellent again. The implication is that when he becomes good, he can dump me again and find someone better to marry.
I've already suffered a loss once, and I've learned my lesson, and I certainly won't remarry the same way. Even if the mother-in-law pretended to be a good person and said, "As long as you remarry my son, I will agree to any conditions", I did not agree, because I did not want to help the poor. She went on to say, "My son can't do without you, you must remarry him," and I was even less likely to agree, she was the least qualified to command me.
At this time, I understood that there was nothing wrong with the standards of life I adhered to, and my attitude toward marriage was not wrong, the only thing that was wrong was to love the wrong person. But it's nothing to think about now, and after experiencing setbacks, I'm more clear about how to go in the future. As long as I don't make mistakes, as long as I insist on being a good person, I will eventually get happiness.
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
In life, there are two things that need to be done: one is to know how to judge right and wrong, and to be able to distinguish between black and white in combination with reality; the other is to know how to abandon evil and promote good, grow good and save loss, and insist on being a good person.
It doesn't matter if you can't fully analyze the "difference between good and evil", because for thousands of years people have confirmed the meaning of good, and it is right to follow this direction. In other words, if you don't take this path, sooner or later you will be punished.
From the difference between the woman and her ex-husband after the divorce, it can be seen that the person who insists on being good may experience a lot of ups and downs, and may doubt whether it is necessary to insist on it, but as long as the result is good, it means that your persistence is not wrong; and the person who insists on evil may take a shortcut in a short period of time and gain something, but the final result will prove that they have taken the wrong path.
There is a division between good and evil between husband and wife and between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and the good party should leave in time. You may not be able to gain by leaving, but from another point of view, it is also a gain to get rid of the influence and involvement of the wicked and avoid continuing to suffer losses.
In addition, after separation, don't be merciful to the people who have hurt and betrayed you, they will only ask you to remarry when they want to use you again, you must realize that their motives are not pure, and decisively choose to refuse. If they force you to remarry without any sincerity or respect, you don't have to be polite to them. Since they want to humiliate themselves, they may as well fulfill them and let them taste the humiliation.