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Gorky: "In a world where everything is constantly changing, it would be foolish to rush to conclusions. ”
The things of the objective world are conclusive, and what should be is what is. But many things in the subjective world are inconclusive, or inconclusive for the time being, because there is a word called "things are man-made."
People draw conclusions in the subjective world, often based on their own limited cognition. It is often not wrong to draw conclusions with objective laws in cognition, but it is easy to make mistakes if you use subjective laws in cognition to draw conclusions.
The subjective laws in a person's cognition are some experiences summarized by oneself, and some are hearsay experiences, and the conclusions drawn from these experiences may not be accurate.
For example, some people say that "when I have played enough, I will find an honest person to marry", many people's cognition will stay at the level of "karma", thinking that such a person will sooner or later suffer the consequences, even if he marries an honest person as desired, it is inevitable that he will fall behind.
In fact, this kind of thing cannot be so arbitrary, because the kind of people who "play with a heavy heart" are not all people who continue to depreciate themselves, but also people who continue to increase their value. Those who let themselves continue to add value will be happy.
The following woman mentioned about her girlfriend's situation, talking about the above kind of problem, let's take a look at it together.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
After my girlfriend "played enough", she married an honest person as she wished, but she didn't plant a head, which is really a ghost!
Isn't it true that her kind of "when I've had enough fun, I'll find an honest person to marry" will definitely be punished? Why doesn't it work on her?
It made me a little uncomfortable, not because I didn't want to see her living better than me, but because I wasn't happy with someone I despised, and there was a deep sense of frustration that hung over me.
To this day, I can still remember the way she said that sentence, always with a hippie smile and saying, "When I've had enough fun, I'll find an honest person to marry!" ”
I have always been very disgusted with people who say such things, after persuading her to be good, she still did not change, so I drew a clear line with her, did not want to be affected by her, and felt that sooner or later she would regret that she did not know how to clean herself and love herself.
After breaking off contact with her, I got married and had children, life is not good, not bad, not tepid, and occasionally when I think of her, I will feel that I have a bad life, and I will live better than her.
But one day when I heard other friends talk about her, my world was in chaos, because they all envied her and agreed that she was better off than all of us, not only married a good husband, but also very capable of supporting three families on her own—her own little family and the original families of both sides.
I thought to myself that this couldn't be true, but when I was invited to the house by her later, I had to admit that my friends were telling the truth. She looked younger than all of us and was well maintained; her husband was an honest man with great respect for her; their home was spacious and bright, much bigger than mine.
I don't understand why this is happening? Could it be that something is wrong with my three views? Is the perception I've been holding on to wrong? A person like me who keeps to myself is not as good as a misbehaving person like her, and I feel so unreasonable!
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
Maybe you have such people around you: on the surface, they look very improper, they always say some perverse words, and some even have a mouth full of meat and dirty words, but they are just mouthy, really in doing things, very rigorous, very disciplined.
If such people often say, "When I have had enough fun, I will find an honest person to marry," they cannot use common sense, because what they present on the surface does not represent their character.
Moreover, a woman's "playing with her heart" does not necessarily mean playing with her own feelings. People who play with their feelings will of course suffer their own consequences; but in addition to this, "playing with the heart" is not necessarily a bad thing. If "playing with the heart" is aimed at "self-management" and continuing to add value to yourself, it is a good thing.
From this point of view, the reader's evaluation of her girlfriend is inevitably biased. She jumped to conclusions in a hurry, based only on her own narrow perceptions, without paying attention to other possibilities. And it turns out that her girlfriend is not the kind of person she thinks she is, so her girlfriend's ending will not be what she expected.
It can also be seen from her friend's evaluation of her girlfriend - not only married to a good husband, but also has the ability to support three families on her own - her girlfriend plays with her heart for "self-management", not only makes herself very capable, but also well maintained, such a person is qualified to pick and choose marriage, and will be happy.
We can not learn from her girlfriend's "cynical" external style, but we should learn from her rigorous and self-disciplined attitude to life. If you want to make happiness come a little more securely, making yourself strong is the best way.