Ashu's words:
It's Women's Day again.
Wrote "
Happy General Women's Day
After that, every year at this time, my sisters reminded me backstage that they wanted me to say something for this festival.
I do have something to say this year.
This stems from some recent trends in messages, unmarried sisters advocating "unmarried and infertile to keep safe", married sisters pursuing "how to be the master of marriage", which is of course understandable, but the two parties suddenly became different camps, all problems became "because you are not married" or "because you are married", both sides look at each other, there is a feeling of mourning their misfortune and anger, which is really strange. During the readers' sharing session, one sister said that she was in a marriage that was on the verge of breaking down, and because she had children, she was even more struggling. A sister in the front row muttered softly, alas, this is the price of marriage, so don't get married.
Marriage is one of women's problems, but it is not the only one. Over the past hundred years, we have encountered countless difficulties, some have improved, some have stood still, some have even reversed, I hope to share with readers, are those women who face difficulties and have the courage to make choices, yes, for whether to marry, whether to have children, are all personal choices, as I have said countless times before, there is no right or wrong choice, only difference. The most important thing is that you have made your choice and have no regrets.
The new women of the old era tell us that sometimes, just be brave and leave the rest to time.
Let's go back to Women's Day in 1935.
It was a gloomy day for all Chinese women, and Ruan Lingyu, a new woman on screen, committed suicide on this day. Perhaps because of the star effect, for a while, several women imitated Ruan Lingyu and also chose to commit suicide.
Ma Yinchu, Cai Yuanpei, Ba Jin, Shen Congwen and others co-wrote an article in "New Society", entitled "Suicide is not the solution to women's distress" -
What struck me was this sentence: With such the courage to commit suicide, why don't we seek our own liberation?
Readers of the article may not know that the author of the article was facing the collapse of his marriage at the time.
Her name is Fei Baoqi.
On March 6, 1927, she and Wei Chun, an employee of Jiang Customs, were married, and the wedding was grand, from the dinner party at the Dadong Restaurant to the wedding photos of Chinese and Western combinations, it can be seen that both parties are solemn about this marriage.
But the marriage lasted only eight years. Three months after Fei Baoqi wrote "Suicide is not the solution to women's distress", she and Wei Chun published divorce information in the "Declaration" that reported the news of their marriage, and the two parties did not say anything bad, only said that "they did not agree", which was truly "one different, two wide, each life happy".
Judging from Fei Baoqi's words and experience, she is an independent woman who knows exactly what she wants. However, the hero of our story today is not Fei Baoqi, but Fei Baoqi's sister Fei Baoshu.
Fei Baoshu grew up with the encouragement of her sister, and I believe that her move to escape the family's old marriage in 1926 must have something to do with her sister Fei Baoqi, who ran to Shanghai, where only her sister could rely on.
At that time, the "News" published a notice for three consecutive days to "warn Fei Baoshu", which was simply intimidating, but she did not return, and later declared that she was an adult and that the family had no right to interfere in her marriage.
She was only 17 years old.
This age is still too young to judge a man's character, or to resist the gentle onslaught from Shanghai Beach—especially if the man is a veteran.
It is said that they met on a road, but it was only a glimpse of it, and Fei Baoshu, a 17-year-old girl, raised her head slightly, her big clear eyes glancing at the man's palanquin. The man in the palanquin immediately realized that this woman possessed an old-world elegance, which in his opinion was a rare treasure, because it was not available to the modern women of Shanghai, and it was also scarce in the Four Horse Road Club that he must go to every night.
He immediately decided to pursue her and soon succeeded, after all, marrying a successful commercial real estate investor is certainly a good choice - not to mention, he is also a well-known antique collector in Shanghai.
Yes, this kind of fame even transcends the times, I have seen his seal at several auctions, and one collector even told me that if I saw his seal on Wang Yi's paintings, "you can close your eyes", which is of course an exaggeration, but it is enough to show the strength of this man in the collecting world. He is also a member of the famous Shanghai art group "Jiawu Tonggeng Qianling Society" (both born in the Jiawu year), a man belonging to horses named Sun Boling.
Huang Cang wrote Sun Bozheng's collection tidbits and Sun bought Zhang Peilun's old collection of the Song edition book "Flower Collection" and took it to Xu Senyu for appraisal, "Sen Lao praised this book, he was very happy, and said on the spot that he would ask for a good worker and reinstall the pool." Elder Sen was shocked when he heard this, and said, this is absolutely unavoidable." Sun Bozheng's standard for collecting ancient books is beautiful, and he has never been interested in content and circulation.
If only Fei Baoshu knew this before he got married, for some men, collecting antiques and collecting women is sometimes a truth.
Of course, the thirty-two-year-old Sun Bo Rope has a wife, and in order to end this marriage, he took his wife to court, saying that his wife often excused herself to go out, spent money indiscriminately, and insulted Aunt Weng -
The news in the Declaration published five reasons for divorce
Ms. Zhu Qingqiong grasped the point, she cried in court, saying that all the reasons were not valid, and the divorce was to marry a woman surnamed Fei (I guess Fei Baoshu). She even said that all this was a scam by her husband, because at first he only said that he was a concubine, and even asked her to be a matchmaker, she listened to her aunt's opinion and decided to ignore it. Sun Bo rope PUA said, do you live with your aunt, or with me? As a result, he married into the house and immediately divorced himself.
"Times" pays more attention to the distribution of divorce property, we can get a glimpse of the divorce situation at that time, the man promised five or six thousand yuan, the woman asked for 100,000, and proposed that the phoenix crown jewelry that belonged to the woman was in the man's place, hoping to return it.
Divorced men can be found, but any man who behaves viciously in a divorce must stay away.
Fei Baoshu did not realize at this time that the man who did this to his ex-wife today would do this to you tomorrow.
The picture comes from Sun Shudi's "Old Dream of a Wealthy Family", which is Fei Baoshu when he was newly married, which is indeed very beautiful.
Sun Bozhai's flower heart is in the blood, and his father, Sun Zhizhai, is not only the founder of Huizhong Hotel, but also a "man with a variety of tricks" with five aunts. Sun Zhizhai once deceived his father Sun Zhutang in Shanghai with his brother for the money stored in HSBC, and when his father found out and planned to twist the brothers to the official palace, Sun Zhizhai and his brother thought of a way - he said that his brother died, returned home with his brother's coffin (of course, empty), and finally obtained his father's forgiveness. This story was written by Zhang Chunfan in "The Nine-Tailed Turtle", that is, the story of Shen Pipi and his two sons.
Sun Zhizhai stayed at home to study, and his father thought that his son was very pleased that his prodigal son had returned, and gradually relaxed his restrictions on his son. Therefore, in addition to studying, Sun Zhizhai often wandered around the city, and by the way, raised a pair of sisters to make an outer room. Until his later years, Sun Zhizhai would still greet warmly when he saw a beautiful girl: "Hello little sister!" "Little girl is playing!"
After Sun Zhutang's death, the brothers acquired all of their father's property, and Sun Zhizhai ran to Shanghai to pick up his brother, and by the way, a newly married aunt in Shanghai. The most surprising thing was her brother's original wife, she really thought that her husband had committed suicide by poisoning, and when the coffin returned to the door, she once touched the coffin head, and although she was rescued, she insisted on moving to the temple.
Sun Zhizhai soon encountered the same situation as his father, and his son was simply a copy of him.
Sun Zhutang Quanxia knows, will he be angry with the little brothers to come to life? Sun Zhizhai later went to Shanghai to become the founder of Huizhong Hotel, China's first hotel chain, but his second son was also a famous prodigal son, and almost used the methods he used in his youth to constantly defraud him of money.
Sun Zhizhai's wife has a pair of small feet, and she said to her granddaughter, thank you for being born in this era, you no longer need to wrap small feet.
Doom is not only that, Sun Zhizhai's fifth aunt later eloped with the coachman Wang Ah Mao, perhaps because the fifth aunt is very beautiful, Sun Zhizhai said that as long as she is willing to turn back and "abide by the way of women", she can not be blamed in the past, who knows that the answer of this woman in Huileli is as follows:
You go back and tell Sun that I don't want any forgiveness from him, and he is not qualified to forgive me. You tell him to think for himself, how many women he has played with in this half of his life, and the aunt who just entered the door begged for five, and the mouth said forgive me! ——Sun Shudi, "Old Dream of a Wealthy Family"
After Sun Zhizhai was stimulated by the two consecutive blows of his little wife and son, he suddenly became a miserly miser. It is said that he would put the candy in his mouth, spit it out twice, put it in a jar, and eat it again next time. At this time, he must have forgotten his youthful years, his father's money was spent proudly by the spring breeze, and when he arrived, he also tasted the bitterness of his father's year.
In the section of "Nine-Tailed Turtle" that describes the brothers cheating money, the character of Shen Peel is very exciting, and there was even an adapted script at that time.
Sun Boxing's peach blossom luck is as good as his father's, it is said that he often hides photos of beautiful women in his desk, his third daughter Shuying accidentally found it and asked his sister Shucheng: "Who is such a beautiful girl?" Because the eldest sister was already sensible, she gritted her teeth in tears and said: "Where is this beautiful woman, and our mother is really ugly." Throw it out, I really feel ashamed to have such a father. ”
Fei Baoshu's eldest daughter Sun Shucheng, picture from Sun Shudi's "Old Dream of a Wealthy Family"
Sun Boshuan's peach-colored lawsuits are also as numerous as his father's.
Not long after marrying Fei Baoshu, he was sued in court for concubinage. It turned out that he had a concubine Wu Zhiying, but he took a fancy to Zhiying's sister Meiying. Mei Ying was pregnant and gave birth to a boy, and the father of the two learned about it and demanded compensation. Wu Zhiying was caught in the middle, reluctantly ran away from home and joined the Women's Association.
However, Sun Boshuan believed that Mei Ying was recommended by his mother Wu Cai to take a concubine, and he used the excuse that after giving birth to a boy, he sent red eggs to Wu Cai, and Wu Cai's "big shit", so it was not "forced to rape a young girl" but a normal concubine, and in the end, Sun Boshuan's case was won.
The Declaration reported on the final outcome of the lawsuit
Fei Baoshu initially adopted an ostrich policy, and she gave birth to a boy and five girls to Sun Boshun in a row, of course, she also had the iconic young grandmother life of Shanghai Beach at that time——
She has a special tailor who tailors cheongsam to herself.
The latest perfume in Paris, she can order at the same time.
The daughter applied the newly bought lipstick to the tailor's face, and she just doted on and gently blamed it twice.
……
But she wasn't happy.
Her husband's boldness grew more and more, and the little statues in the club were already unavoidably discoverable by her, and she was silent, and finally she could not be silent. Her mother-in-law is completely a supporter of her son, and although her own marriage is full of betrayal, she thinks that this is the nature of men, and women can just endure, isn't it, so many women for so many years, aren't they all endured like this?
1934, Fei Baoshu and third daughter Sun Shuying, image source: "Remembering Shanghai"
Some of the daughters are ignorant, some are delicate. Ignorant as Shuying, she soon met the woman in the small statue, but to her surprise, the place where they met was the Kaisling Cafe, and while she was eating chestnut cake, the girl named Jin Ling walked in, greeted her godbrother warmly, and tied Shuying with a red velvet rope. The godbrother told Shuying not to tell her father about seeing Jin Ling, and she agreed—but soon after, Sun Boshun witnessed his godson and lover openly hugging each other on Sima Road in the car.
Delicate as Shucheng, she has always stood firmly on her mother's side, when Fei Baoshu and her daughter talked about their marriage, Shucheng said to her mother, I don't want to see you unhappy, as long as you are happy, we will be happy, I support your divorce. If you get divorced, I'm willing to move out with you.
The last straw that made Feibao tree collapse was domestic violence.
Yes, she bravely displayed the scars on her arms in court, and the weapon used by Sun Boshu was still the most common weapon used by men of that era - "she is a concubine".
It is so ironic that men think that just by saying that she is a concubine, it is as if all face and dignity have been preserved.
From Pu Jun, whom I just wrote, to Xu Beihong, who I wrote a long time ago, to Sun Boshun today, their logic is like this, if it is a concubine, it can be abandoned forever, and if it is a concubine, it can not be compensated, which is about what men think is the greatest revenge against a woman, even Zhang Ailing said that Hu Lancheng has such a prejudgment -
Hu Lancheng would refer to me as one of his concubines, probably in retaliation, because I had written many letters and I did not reply.
But when a woman admits this failed marriage (or relationship), it doesn't matter whether she is a concubine or not, because she has been permanently disappointed in the person, and then the name is the most important thing. Men never understand this. Fei Baoshu did not complain, she did not even tell her daughters about this "humiliating" past, a woman who does not complain has become a real hero in the world, and from this moment on, she is invincible.
The declaration on the Declaration is "separation from parents and family members"
The saga of Feibao Tree is not over. The divorce was on October 1, 1941, and soon Fei Baoshu decided to go to Chongqing to join his sister Fei Baoqi, who at this time married Chen Changtong.
Chen Changtong, a native of Fujian, graduated from Tsinghua School in 1919 and went to the United States to study. After returning to China, he taught, worked as a teller, and became the director of the Bank of China office in Myanmar and the "liaison officer of China in India".
He had good relations with Kong Xiangxi and Song Ziwen, and after being promoted to the Trade Commission of the Ministry of Finance, he was evacuated to Chongqing with the Nanjing government.
Fei Baoshu and a woman surnamed Sheng traveled with a woman who spent three months traveling from Shanghai to Anhui, and after exhausting their entanglement, the two were stranded in a small inn in the town. The woman surnamed Sheng became evil and sold Fei Baoshu to a local tycoon as a concubine, and took a sum of money to run away by herself.
The innkeeper was kind at the last moment and told Fei Baoshu everything, Fei Baoshu ran to the town to telegraph, sister Fei Baoqi found Song Ziwen, and urgently telegraphed Gu Zhutong, the military commander stationed at the head of the world, and finally, the night before the local tyrants received their relatives, in the dark night of the lights, Fei Baoshu was saved.
After the victory of the War of Resistance, she returned to Shanghai with her sister and brother-in-law, and then went to Hong Kong.
My sister Fei Baoqi later lived in Taiwan, she later became a female painter, once studied painting from Pu Ru and Zhang Daqian, and I saw a painting painted by Pu Ru for Fei Baoqi, which said "Belonging to Ms. Baoqi".
After Fei Baoshu came to Hong Kong, she started as a hand-knitting family and opened a clothing and accessories store, and she supported her two daughters to study and work in Hong Kong. The third daughter, Shuying, recalled that she traveled all the way from Luohu to Hong Kong, and the next morning, she saw her mother Fei Baoshu wearing makeup, and the dressing table was scattered with flower water, Ponzi magnolia oil and jewelry lacquer boxes, she suddenly felt that the past life had returned. Fei Baoshu glanced at the small suitcase that her daughter brought with her when she came to Hong Kong, and said to her: "You don't think you can go back, do you?" ”
Much later, her daughter learned that after Fei Baoshu moved to Hong Kong, Sun Boshu never sent her a penny again, and she became a real independent woman.
The third daughter, Sun Shuying, this family is full of blooming flowers, which is really beautiful.
Shuying said that only then did she discover her mother's thinning hair and crow's feet at the corners of her eyes, which was not the mother in her heart who wore an embroidered cheongsam and was always carefree.
However, looking at the photos, I feel that the middle-aged Feibao tree has another beauty, like a pine and cypress that is greener after the wind blows, but her old-time elegance has not changed, just like when she was 17 years old - Sun Boshuan's vision is indeed very good.
Image source: "Remembering Shanghai"
She, like Fei Baoqi, was the bravest woman of her time (perhaps including the powerful fifth aunt). They were fortunate and had their misfortunes, but in the end, they won their lives by relying on their intelligence, strength and courage.
Fei Baoshu's son is the writer Sun Shudi, whom I particularly admire. Because he is the only son of the Sun family, he was not allowed to leave Shanghai, and suffered a lot for this, fortunately, because of writing, he lived equally strongly, and brought us a series of excellent works such as "Gu Suchun", "Prosperous Dream", "Rich Old Dream", "Life and Death Love Song" and so on.
Teacher Sun Shudi is really handsome!!
Teacher Sun kept repeating a sentence in his "Old Dream of a Wealthy Family": "Rich can not be rich for three generations", and said that "blessings cannot be wasted all at once". This is the lesson of Teacher Sun's entire family, but I think Fei Baoshu's story is a bright spot in this family, she once avoided, intending to avoid her husband's betrayal in order to get a comfortable life, like all women in the family. In the end, Fei Baoshu is true to her heart, she is the real Nala, walking downstairs, out of the house, out of the cage made of gold, and it turns out that the vast world has its own woman's path.
I believe Fei Baoshu once hesitated, divorce for women at that time, the price to pay is far more than now. Most immediately, she will lose all material support provided by her husband and custody of her children. In fact, she did lose. But the world is not destroyed.
Let's see what happened to her, after coming to Hong Kong, she relied on her own strength, not only self-reliant, but even sponsored her children in the mainland. All of this stems from the courage of Ms. Fei Baoshu in 1941, just like her sister Fei Baoqi, divorce is by no means the end of a woman, marriage failure never means failure in life, good days are lived day by day, relying on their own hands, relying on their own mind, and of course, a little luck from heaven.
Never underestimate a woman, women are brave and invincible.
Image source: "Remembering Shanghai"
At the end of the article, books are still sold, and it seems that the elegance of the past can never be finished.
1. Sun Shudi, The Old Dream of a Wealthy Family: Memories of a Shanghai "Old Carat", Writers Publishing House, 2002
2、Claire Chao / Isabel Sun Chao，Remembering Shanghai——A Memoir of Socialites, Scholars and Scoundrels，CHAO, LLC2018