Seeing a reader's request for help on the official account of the evening love teacher, I personally feel that it is necessary to talk about it:
She got married last year and has not been married for a long time, but recently there is a problem that troubles her very much. The reason is that her mother is in charge of money in their family, and her mother is very concerned about who manages the money with her husband after she gets married, mainly for fear that she will suffer losses, and has been urging her to let her find a way to get the salary card. Under the constant instigation of her mother, she also had the idea of managing her husband's money, and took the opportunity to ask for a salary card on her birthday, and her husband replied: It's not that she doesn't give it, but after paying the car loan and the mortgage, there is not much money left, and the card is meaningless to give and go. (The down payment for their house was bought by the two of them together, and the names of both of them are written)
She told her mother the truth when her husband spoke, and the old man was very angry, and repeatedly advised: the salary card must be obtained, the car loan and housing loan are taken from the company card, and the rest must be handed over to you for distribution.
She knows her husband's income very well, with a monthly income of almost 10,000, but the mortgage and car loan have to be crossed out 7,000, according to her idea, the remaining 3,000 is handed over to her husband for free distribution and give him pocket money.
She also understood that the card was taken around, and it really didn't mean much.
The problem was a disagreement with her mother, who was in the opinion that this was not a matter of great significance, but a question of the status of the hostess's family. Besides, men become bad when they have money, and do bad things when they have private money.
Her mother also asked her to open SMS reminders, so that as soon as the card changed, there would be a notification.
How to comment on the emotional problems encountered by this reader, I want to say: "Don't let your own mother mix your marriage, if you continue to toss like this, the marriage will leave sooner or later." ”
Similar emotional problems, in reality, are not absent, not only mothers-in-law will instigate the marriage of their sons and daughters-in-law, mothers-in-law do not know the boundaries, some will still care about their daughters' marriage. Her starting point seems to be based on the experience of a person who has come to the past, everything is for the good of her daughter, but this outdated experience will only harm her own daughter.
Many people will have similar problems after marriage: they have no opinions, they can't be separated from their original family, and they obviously have outrageous parents' requirements, but they don't realize it, and they feel that their suggestions are very reasonable. They influence your thinking, and over time you will do what they want, and if you do, over time, the marriage will come to an end.
It's good to meet reasonable parents, but if you really meet confused parents, a good marriage will have to be tossed apart.
This reader is a typical mom girl, and she does whatever her mother says. Just because her mother is in charge of money in their house, she is itchy and wants to taste the taste of money. Mom told her that a woman's control over a man's money was a symbol of the status of a hostess.
And the truth I want to tell her is: don't be seduced by your own mother. Is it necessary to manage money? What's the point? After deducting the mortgage and car loan every month, there is 3,000 yuan left, and now men who don't want pocket money outside. Whether it is right, let him control himself, and not without family responsibilities, why do you have to manage men?
Even if she manages the man, she can't decide whether the man will cheat or not, if she does, maybe she will really push her husband away.
In addition, don't report everything to your mother, even how your husband replied, isn't it too stupid? You still have to have a sense of boundaries with your mother, you can handle the affairs between the two of you yourself, what to talk to the old people, and talking to them will only add to the chaos, and will annoy your husband.
Don't manage men's money too much in marriage
I don't recommend that married women manage their husband's money too much.
I would like to share with you my husband's economic relationship model: each manages its own, and is independent accordingly.
We don't have a car loan, but the mortgage is 13,400 a month, and he doesn't have much money left after he pays the mortgage every month. We have been married for almost seven years, and the house we live in now is a small exchange for a big after marriage, and since I paid more than half of the down payment when I bought the house, it is natural for him to pay the mortgage. And my husband only needs to pay the mortgage, and the family expenses and the food and drink expenses of the two children depend more on me. I used to earn quite a lot, so I would bear more financially, but now my income has dropped slightly, and he will occasionally give me some money, but I don't give 10,000 yuan a year.
So our division of labor is quite clear: he pays the mortgage and takes charge of his own expenses, and my request to him is not to ask me for money, and asking me for money is the last step. I'm responsible for the expenses of my two children, the expenses of my family, and myself.
We know a rough idea of each other's money, and he doesn't care how I spend it, and I don't care how he spends it.
Because there is really no need to care, I know very well that he will not have much money in his hand after he pays off the mortgage. My husband's life is still quite superior, because he does not have a pension wife and children, some of our friends around us have to bear all the expenses of the family and children, and the mortgage is naturally not a problem, but because I can earn money, my husband's financial pressure is not so great.
When we are in love, we are financially independent, not completely AA, but if he gives me something, I will give it back to him as well. We are all more pragmatic and never buy useless things. For a few years after I got married, my income was several times that of his, and he didn't have to give me money, and I had to raise my own children by myself, so I also complained a lot of times.
The division of labor between male and female families is different: because women bear too much responsibility and pressure in childbirth because of the particularity of biological sex, it is natural for men to have children for the elderly. But now many women can earn money themselves, and some girls earn more than men, and in order to maintain the corresponding balance, men have to take more responsibility for taking care of their children.
Because of my personal financial independence, I also have more say in marriage.
My marriage business principle: have a general understanding of his financial situation, leave it alone, give him freedom, and when the year-end bonus is issued, you have to hand me 5,000 yuan. That's not much, because at the end of the year, he gives me only 5,000 yuan for my family.
We had a very tacit understanding, and we didn't die too much, and he occasionally paid when we went out together.
Although I don't spend as much money on the two children, it's still a little bit occasionally.
Why not bother with his money? The main thing is that it is not necessary, and the other is that I know that it feels bad to be taken care of. I mean someone who refuses to give my money to him, because his hard-earned money has been fought for so many years so that he can enjoy the right to free economic control, and it is still controlled by others.
Compare hearts to hearts and give each other the freedom commensurately.
Do men become bad when they are rich?
I'm really not worried, if he makes a fortune I am happy, he will let him take on more responsibilities in family affairs; If he doesn't get rich, I don't worry about it, because I have the confidence and strength to take risks for my marriage.
A good man is not managed, and an obedient man is not necessarily a good husband
I never think that a good man is in charge, or let him be self-disciplined, a man who obeys his wife very much, will not have any big impact. If you think about it, before he got married, his mother was in charge, and when he got married, his wife was in charge, so where is he himself?
A man has no ego, is indecisive in doing things, and has to rely on others to make decisions about everything, which is terrible,
Such a man cannot carry things, and may not be able to advance and retreat with you in marriage.
Besides, do you think you can manage whether a man cheats or not?
Some men seem to be very obedient, but they are also messing around behind their backs, trying to hide from their wives, and such a marriage is meaningless. I give my husband the freedom in marriage, of course, occasionally look at his phone, he can come back late from dinner with friends, just talk to me. I'm not stupid enough to wait for him to be late, and I'll do whatever I want.
Because I myself feel that it is too wasteful for women to spend a lot of time managing men and urging men to go home, which is a destruction of themselves. There is no need to spend your energy and youth, isn't it good to have this time to do something to improve yourself?
What advice I can give to the reader at the beginning:
What to do?
Don't ask your husband, your mother urges her to directly tell her your own thoughts, don't let her ask you too much, and report to her in the future to have a bottom in your heart, three points of words, to be an assertive adult, not a mom and girl.
Today's topic: In marriage, will you manage your husband's money? Welcome to leave a message.
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★ Author: YIBAO; The original creator of emotions, writing about the warm emotional things of this world.