Two days ago, a friend told me a joke.
Her 6-year-old son, after reading a nature encyclopedia, asked her:
"Mom, do you know what the most amazing creature in the world is?"
The child originally wanted to show off the knowledge he had just learned, but he didn't expect his mother to blurt out:
"The most amazing creature in the world is your dad!"
Hahaha...
This is a joke, this is a big truth.
Truth is often contained in "jokes"!
If you don't get married, you don't know, when you get married, you will find:
My husband is the most amazing creature in the world!
They possess many incredible "divine skills" that make people marvel at the magic of the Creator.
Part.1
It's incredibly fast
How fast does my husband work?
It can simply push the limits of humanity!
Let's start with bathing:
2 minutes and 30 seconds, dressing and bathing.
You brush your teeth outside the door, the toothpaste is not foaming, and people have already washed it out.
In other words, he starts a game of king, chooses heroes to take a bath, and comes back to catch the first wave of troops.
Without exaggeration, some sisters recorded the time of her husband's bath with a stopwatch:
2 min 17 sec!
This speed asks you whether you are convinced or not?
We bathe, head to toe;
Husband takes a bath and fools scrawls:
Head, arm socket, triangle, end...
This is all "exquisite"!
What's more, a basin of water, poured from the head, is the hair washed, the bath is washed, and the feet are washed.
It doesn't matter if it's clean or not, the main word "fast"!
Bathing is like this, and doing housework is like a gallop.
What you can do in an hour, he ends in half an hour.
In the consciousness of men: as long as the clothes are wet with water, they are washed.
As for whether it is washed or not, it is not within his responsibility.
If you use a washing machine, we will pay attention to:
Dark and light colors should be washed separately,
Thick and thin should be washed separately,
Different materials should be washed separately.
It only takes 3 seconds for men to do laundry, one second to turn on the washing machine, one second to stuff clothes in, and one second to start the button.
Drying clothes also pursues only two points:
Quick!
Just hang it up!
The clothes that have been dried by her husband can only ask for blessings.
With his own strength, he supported the whole family and worked hard to hanger:
You clean up and it takes a whole day.
My husband cleans it and does it in minutes.
Because his cleaning is limited to the living room floor, bedroom, kitchen, bathroom, he seems to be invisible.
And which is dirty and sweeping, just sweep and drag.
The beautiful name is: why mop the floor after it is all clean?
Before you take your baby out, you have to clean up for most of the day.
Take wet wipes, tissues, water cups, snacks, toys, hats, masks...
My husband is lying down playing with his mobile phone while urging you to be too abrasive!
Before going out, he also had to say: Wait for me to go and first.
The husband took the baby out, pulled up the baby and left, praising himself as he walked:
"Look at how fast Dad is, it's not like Mom swallowing slowly."
In short, men work and pursue a "surprisingly fast".
Part.2
One thing can use sea dead rocks
My husband also has a "god skill", which can use a thing to the sea dead stone.
There is a mysterious attachment to old underwear, and if you don't wear them until they rot, you will definitely not change.
The face towel can also be used so that my mother can't recognize it:
Bed linen cover, oily and yellow:
Not only faded but also smelled, butt with prickly feet hook.
Socks washed to stand upright:
Towels used like honeycombs:
The toothbrush has been used like being struck by lightning...
Part.3
Logical geniuses, there are always excuses
There is a saying: Don't guess a woman's mind, guess and guess and you can't guess.
If I were to say, this sentence could be changed to:
Men are logical geniuses, and fancy excuses come with their mouths.
No matter what, he can always find a reason for himself.
Especially good at breaking things:
Yesterday I broke a plate, and he said that his hands were too slippery when wet;
Today I broke a vase and he said the bottle was in the way.
Do not seek to do things well, but there are many reasons.
Install a push door, can't pull it, just lift it up;
Install a slide, a few more parts, say that the merchant has sent more;
Set up a splicing bed, stuck in the doorway, blame me for not reminding him to install it in the room...
Men's brain circuits, you can never guess.
Even if you don't pay attention, you can quibble three points,
Always leaves you speechless,
Winner of the proper couple debate contest.
Let him wash the dishes, and he really only washes the dishes, leaving the pot and stove alone.
If you ask him, "Why don't you brush the pot and not the stove?" ”
He also shouted: "You only let me wash the dishes, you didn't say that I brushed the stove." ”
Anyway, the responsibility is not him, and you are blamed for not explaining clearly.
He never relented anyway, because he was never wrong.
When there is really no reason to find it, he will break the jar and break.
For example, every night before going to bed, swear that you must get up early the next day to send your baby to school, and you can't afford to be a grandson.
Calling him to get up in the morning, he shouted "grandma" while pulling the quilt wrapped around his body ...
Part.4
Memory of fish
The husband also has a strange "superpower":
With a human head, but with the memory of a fish.
He can't remember anything, his memory is only 7 seconds.
Many things, he always said and forgot:
Wife: "You go out and take the garbage down." ”
Husband: "Okay. ”
……
Wife: "Why didn't you bring it again?" ”
Husband: "Ah, I forgot!" Throw it tomorrow. ”
Wife: "You haven't washed these socks for a few days?" ”
Husband: "Ah, I forgot, I'll wash it later." ”
……
Wife: "How many times have I told you, dry the pool after washing!" ”
Husband: "Ah, I forgot, I must wipe it next time." ”
……
Of course, they also have a mantra called "wait a minute".
As soon as he was told to work, he said to wait for a while, and then he would wait until the sky was old.
As a "goldfish prince", my husband also has an incredible skill -
Your own stuff can never be found.
Let's put it this way, unless he was looking for something that jumped up and chased his ass and bit him, he would never find it.
Even if something is right under his nose, he will only open his mouth and scream.
"Wife, where is my razor?"
"Wife, where is the charging cable?"
"Wife, what about my autumn pants?"
"Wife, where's my belt?"
……
If something can speak, it can't wait to raise its hand and shout:
"I'm here! Turn right! Take two steps! Right below! Look down! ”
Ten minutes after negotiation, everything had to shout:
"Are you blind?"
Part.5
Selective blindness, deafness, drowsiness
My husband not only has the memory of fish, but also selective blindness, selective deafness, selective gaffe, selective sleepiness...
In addition to these, my husband has many "god skills" that are difficult to understand.
Like what:
1 second to fall asleep, snoring like thunder and not admitting it.
My husband sleeps, like 10,000 dogs barking.
What not to do, in the first place.
Sometimes, I deeply suspect that it was Shi Shell Lang who changed his name to "husband" after being reincarnated!
We have written about this many times before, and this time we will not say much, we understand everything.
Seeing this, you may think, hurry up and throw this husband and replace it.
Friendly reminder:
What you pick up may also be disliked by others.
Of course, this is not the case for all men.
But you think, those really "precious" good husbands, who will be willing to throw away?
If you pick it up, cherish it!