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The Catcher in the Rye: "The mark of an immature man is that he is willing to die vigorously for a certain principle, and the mark of a mature man is that he is willing to live humbly for a certain principle." ”
The "principle" in these two sentences is not the same principle, otherwise it would not have had a completely different effect.
Immature people often adhere to the principle of self-righteousness, or hearsay, they think that the principle is correct, they think that it is worth adhering to, in fact, the wrong direction. They do not combine the right and wrong of the principle of reality, nor do they judge the value of the principle from a long-term perspective, so sooner or later they will fall behind.
The principles that mature people adhere to are often more practical principles, principles that are really beneficial to themselves, and if they persist, they are beneficial and harmless.
Whether a person is mature or not depends not only on whether the principles he adheres to are right or wrong, but also on whether he lives hard. People with hearts will mature spontaneously, and people who do not have hearts will have difficulty in maturing.
Combined with the emotional matter, mature people who have made a mistake once in their feelings will not make it again, and immature people will make mistakes again and again, and it is self-evident who will eventually be happy.
The reader and his ex-wife are mature and immature, respectively, and let's listen to their stories.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
My ex-wife, after playing enough, married an honest man as she wished, but she planted a big heel, and she deserved it!
She wasn't the kind of person who "had enough fun finding an honest person to marry", she only became that kind of person after divorcing me.
Her temperament changed not because I hurt her, but because she herself took a road of no return, did not know the blessing in the blessing, and wanted to divorce and marry a true love.
She thought she was marrying the wrong person, and that the man she fell in love with was true love. In fact, I have never hurt her, even if I am not her true love; the man she identified as true love has deeply hurt her.
She thought that after divorcing me, she would be able to marry true love as she wished, but the man was reluctant to marry her, and then suddenly married someone else. At this point, she understood that the man had already been engaged to someone else, and she was just a tool that the man used to go crazy before he got married.
After experiencing such feelings, she insisted that all men are not good things and decided to only fall in love and not get married. Coupled with the fact that there were several women around her who thought the same thing, several people decided to take revenge on men and let men taste the feelings of being played with.
Her principle is clearly wrong, the man who has hurt you, and it's reasonable for you to retaliate against him. But other men didn't recruit you and didn't mess with you, why do you hurt people? Aren't you afraid of self-defeating and being retaliated against by others?
If she could figure this out, she probably wouldn't be messed up. It was precisely because she was too lazy to think about it so much that she fell in love crazy, broke up madly, and thought she was sassy, but actually stupid.
When she was young, she and a few friends could still fight young, but as they got older, they lost their advantage and it was difficult to play anymore.
Seeing that several of her friends were getting married one after another, she also wanted to find an honest person to marry like them.
What she did not expect was that the honest person she married was a person who "intersected with her and she did not know it". In their intersection, there are people who have been played with by her feelings, and the ending is not difficult to imagine: her husband and mother-in-law began to settle accounts with her after learning what she did before marriage.
Especially her mother-in-law, feeling that she is insulting, feeling that she is tired of her son's innocence, feeling that spending so much money to marry an unclean daughter-in-law is too disgusting, so she wants to humiliate her fiercely, and then let her son divorce her.
She herself thought there was nothing wrong with what she had done, but her statement was unconvincing. When her mother-in-law shook her ugly deeds out, outsiders embraced her mother-in-law instead of her. The wall fell on everyone, she could not withstand the pressure, and finally passively accepted the divorce.
As the saying goes, good things don't go out, and bad things spread far and wide. After her ugly deeds were known to more and more people, they all pointed fingers at her, including her parents who also felt that she was humiliated, and she could not stay in the familiar environment, so she had to leave her hometown and hide in a strange environment.
I haven't heard anything about her since then, and I don't know if she's doing well now. I hope that she can change her mind and become a person again, and don't make a mistake again, otherwise this life will be over. You say yes?
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
There is nothing in the world, and the mediocre disturb themselves. Many people's troubles are self-seeking troubles. Many people's tragedies are self-inflicted.
In the case of the man's ex-wife, her tragedy was clearly caused by her own hands.
Was someone forcing her to betray her marriage? No!
Did someone force her to divorce and marry true love? No!
Was someone forcing her to retaliate against men "recklessly"? No!
Was someone forcing her to become the kind of person who "has played enough and got an honest person to marry"? Nothing!
These things are all her own choice. Even if there is her fox friend in the middle to induce her, she does not make judgments herself, does not know how to refuse, and insists on going her own way, which is also a choice she makes. So, she can only blame herself. She planted too many evil causes, so it was difficult to escape the evil consequences.
No one forced her not to mature, no one forced her not to live with her heart, it was herself who was lazy and mature, lazy and careful. If a person like her wants to live like a person, she must plant a big heel, and if there is no painful experience and no unforgettable lesson, it is difficult for her to re-recognize herself.
I hope that others will not follow the wrong path she has taken, know themselves earlier, live with their hearts earlier, and mature earlier in order to achieve happiness earlier.