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Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina: "We are all waiting, waiting for someone else to save ourselves." ”
The reason why people like to wait for others to save themselves is because "relying on others" is more convenient, and "relying on themselves" is more troublesome.
A person who has no experience of "being in charge of the house" will one day live on his own and will find that there are many things that need to be worried about himself, and there are many trivial things that need to spend money. If someone takes care of everything for you, you'll feel at ease. However, after a certain stage of life, you can only rely on yourself.
Although it is very troublesome to rely on yourself, this is the only way for a person to grow, because many times life needs to be "alone", even if you have someone around you, your soul also needs to walk alone, otherwise you are not an independent individual.
We need to plant this awareness in our minds before we can put it into practice, so that we don't feel troubled by ourselves, so that we don't get upset because there is no one to rely on.
The arrangement made by the mother-in-law for her later life is to practice "relying on herself", and we will listen to her story together.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
It is reasonable to say that the marriage of children should coexist with filial piety, but it is not excluded that some people do not play cards according to the routine.
My son and daughter-in-law are people who don't play by the rules, and in my opinion, it is my daughter-in-law who has broken my son, and since they got married, my son has been unreliable.
In order for them to get married smoothly, to make them less stressed after marriage, I did everything I could to buy them a house. I feel that I have done my best to give for them, and there is no reason why they should not be filial to me.
However, the truth is that after they got married, they couldn't live in the new house, so they had to move to the old house to live with me. My daughter-in-law said that she was taking care of me, and said that she didn't want me to be alone, but in fact she had ulterior motives.
She gave their matrimonial room to her parents and squeezed into my house, not to take care of me, but to take advantage of me and eat and drink. The furniture and appliances in their room are all bought by me, usually the water, electricity, coal and living expenses are all my money, laundry and cooking and all kinds of housework are also done by me, she always says that she is busy, always says that she has no money, and then eats and drinks at my house.
After the birth of the child, I did not choose to take the freedom with or without, because I had nowhere to go back, the child was in front of my eyes, who did I not take with me?
Although I was somewhat unhappy in my heart, I never bothered with them, but I just thought that I needed to rely on them in the future, and it was right to be nice to them at the moment.
However, when the children go to school, the whole family has changed.
One day, my daughter-in-law deliberately had nothing to do with me, and I was upset and quarreled with her, and she said something like this: "Get out of your daughter's house, I don't need you to help me with the child!" ”
She crossed the river and demolished the bridge without saying, but also let me roll, why? I've lived in an old house for decades, it's my home, and she actually let me roll, which only means one thing, she wants to occupy my old house.
What chilled me the most was my son, who actually went so far as to pressure me with his daughter-in-law to evict me from my old house. If my daughter and son-in-law had not arrived in time, I don't know what the consequences would have been.
My daughter and son-in-law are sensible people, and my son and daughter-in-law are very hateful in comparison. Eventually, fearing that the scandal would be revealed, they packed up their things and left, and have not come to see me since.
I had thought about demanding that my son must fulfill his obligation to support me, but when I thought of my daughter-in-law's snobbish and mean face, I lost courage, because my son could not be the master, and the two of them encountered things, all of which were decided by the woman.
I can't count on my son, so I have to temporarily change my route to count on my daughter. I regretted my former "eccentricity", and I was very touched by my daughter's complaint with virtue. I secretly decided that from now on, I would have a good relationship with my daughter and son-in-law, and it would be a big deal to exchange all my possessions for their kindness to me.
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
There is a saying that there are no cruel parents, only cruel children.
Although this is not a universal phenomenon, although there are cases of the reverse, this phenomenon itself is also worth noting, and parents who encounter this situation should redefine family affection.
The above mother-in-law encountered this situation, she raised two children alone, poured everything into making the two children a family, more "favoritism" for her son, thought that she could rely on her son in her later years, but it backfired, and the opposition was that the daughter was more filial piety.
As far as she and her son and daughter-in-law are concerned, their sons and daughters-in-law are indeed more cruel to her. Not only did the two of them keep nibbling at the old man, but they also wanted to throw her out of the old house, without considering whether their actions were right or what would happen to her after being driven away.
If she continues to be tolerant, she will definitely let her life collapse. Even if there is no daughter and son-in-law to help her in time, she should still be fierce. The son and daughter-in-law who should have fulfilled filial piety should share the filial piety, but also let her have no one to rely on, and there is no need to tolerate such a person who has lost his conscience, otherwise he will only beg for himself.
Thankfully, she still has a daughter to rely on. For other people who don't have daughters, if the son is unreliable, if the son's marriage and filial piety are mutually exclusive, you need to find another way out, which is what we mentioned earlier as "relying on yourself.". Whether you are "on your own" and demand that your son must fulfill his filial piety, or rely on yourself to change his life, you must let yourself become the leader of life.