I have wine and tea, and if you have a story, come to me.
Click "Follow" above, and you are my person.
Kafka's "Judgment": "Trying to get something, in fact, as long as you are calm and realistic, you can easily and unconsciously achieve the goal." ”
Impetuousness, or limited cognition, will make some people always want to take shortcuts, cut corners, want to get something, can not wait for a moment, otherwise they will be upset.
This kind of person who can't hold his breath will often do whatever it takes, only thinking about getting it as soon as possible, without considering whether the way he uses is reasonable, whether he will hurt others, and whether it will cause adverse consequences.
In fact, such people always get what they want, or they get far less than they have suffered, because their behavior will always be self-defeating, and they will always harm the long-term interests because of the immediate interests.
There is no shortage of such problems in the marriage world, some people only want to make a big profit through marriage, and some mothers-in-law only want to take advantage of their sons to get married to calculate their daughters-in-law, these behaviors will damage their long-term interests. If you don't recognize your mistakes and make changes in time, you are very likely to let yourself be defeated by a calculation.
The following mother-in-law learned from her son's marriage, just like the problem mentioned above, let's take a look at what is going on.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
Everyone is a developing person, no one dares to say that they have developed to the point of perfection, and the process of living is a process of constantly improving themselves.
Once, because I didn't understand this truth, I almost ruined my son's marriage. Looking back now, thanks to my son and daughter-in-law, who understood the righteousness and pointed out my problems in a timely manner.
The first time I was a mother-in-law, I was nervous because it was a strange identity, and I was afraid that I would not play this role well. So I went to talk to someone who had already become a mother-in-law, and wanted to know what I could do to become a good mother-in-law.
Maybe it was because I asked the wrong person, or maybe it was because I misunderstood what others meant, and finally came to the conclusion that I should give my daughter-in-law a dismount, I should create some factors that restrict her, and when I can be sure that she is a good wife and a good daughter-in-law, I will be good to her." ”
I made my own cleverness, and when my son and daughter-in-law were about to get married, I made this request to my daughter-in-law: "Before you marry into your in-laws' family, you must first hand over your premarital property!" ”
Before that, I had rehearsed privately in front of the mirror, and I was very satisfied, and I felt that if I made such a request, I could definitely raise my daughter-in-law's head and make her submit to me, and then I could continue to carry out the next plan.
But when I spoke on the ground, my daughter-in-law's answer directly disrupted my rhythm: "You want to go crazy for money, right?" ”
Not only her, but my son also said this to me: "Good manners, why do you suddenly ask my daughter-in-law for money?" Did someone encourage you to do that? ”
I was nervous because his words were close to the truth. In order to cover up the truth, I slyly argued: "I asked your daughter-in-law to hand over her premarital property for your own good!" ”
Then, I became the object of their two sons' criticism, mainly my son was saying, and my daughter-in-law only occasionally helped: "As long as you are really good for me, your hand should not be stretched so long." When you ask her for money, you punch me in the face because she's disappointed in me. Have you ever wondered what I would do if she didn't marry in a fit of rage? Can you afford this consequence? If you are short of money to spend, you can make it clear that we will not hesitate to give you money. But if you are not short of money, I advise you to settle down a little, and be a quiet and good mother-in-law, better than a greedy and insufficient evil mother-in-law. ”
I felt both frustrated and relaxed.
It felt frustrated because my plan failed and was rejected.
It feels light because they show me the way and don't need me to blindly grope.
To be honest, although I did what they asked, I still couldn't put it down in my heart, and I was worried that the path they had assigned me would go wrong.
And it turns out that they are more sober than I am, and they know more about marriage than I do. I did as they pleased and got a lot of unexpected surprises. At this point, it would be foolish to think back to my former plan. Fortunately, I am not obsessed, otherwise I might have failed.
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
Every role in marriage is good or bad. If you want to play your role well, you should make your personality match your actual actions.
If you want to be a good mother-in-law, you need to build your own persona in advance. Creating a persona in advance is not the same as creating a persona casually, you need to consider a lot of problems, you need to seek the opinions of others, especially the opinions of your son and daughter-in-law, because the role of "mother-in-law" is aimed at both of them.
And if you don't spend all this thought, just fantasize about becoming a good mother-in-law, just use the standards you think is correct to create a persona, just seek the opinions of outsiders, and do not seek the opinions of your son and daughter-in-law, you will make the mistake of "being smart" and "self-righteous". Your selfishness will cause your people to collapse.
The above mother-in-law made this kind of mistake, although her starting point is good, although her selfishness is for the sake of her son, but because she is self-assertive, and does not take into account the feelings of the daughter-in-law, did not consider the problem in combination with the "bilaterality of the mother-in-law relationship", directly put forward unreasonable demands, of course, will lead to the collapse of her own human design.
Even being a real evil mother-in-law is better than being a hypocritical good mother-in-law, because when the hypocrisy is debunked, you will be very embarrassed, and the contradictions may not end so easily.
Of course, if you can be a good mother-in-law, try to be a good mother-in-law. Being a good mother-in-law is not only good for your son and daughter-in-law, but also good for yourself. Not only can you exchange the kindness of the younger generations for the kindness of the younger generations, but at the same time, you will also win the recognition of the people around you, get a good reputation, and become a good example in the eyes of the grandchildren in the future.