Around 2010, I felt that gender equality had become and that women were slightly higher than men. Because I look around, the girls around me are reading; The elders of the family, Lao Qua daughter-in-law, said that daughters-in-law are closer than daughters; The younger generation of couples also want to have girls, the girl is "China Merchants Bank", and the son is a "money-loser".
There are also many people on the Internet who say that foreign women are willing to marry because our women have a high status. When married, the salary is all in charge of the wife; The wife is angry and has to apologize whether she is wrong or not; When it comes to birthdays, Valentine's Day, anniversaries, gifts are indispensable, and you have to think about what to buy, and if you don't buy gifts, you have to send at least 1314.
Frankly, I'm really the lucky girl. Because it is a working family, parents can only have one child, so both men and women can enjoy all the attention. Born in the city, the conditions of education are better than those of his cousin back home. There are few girls among the siblings of the same generation, so they have been more liked by relatives since childhood. Grandma is the women's director of the older generation, the one who has been liberated and has personally liberated women. She was still old when she retired to meetings and led me along. I've never heard what they're saying, but I think I know a lot of loud grandmothers.
Change begins in adolescence.
Source: Pexels
I have a boy with small hair who lives in two neighboring buildings. When I was a child, there were old people in the yard who joked about us, saying that we played together every day and grew up as husband and wife. Once my aunt joked at my house that she would let me be her daughter-in-law in the future, and my mother laughed at the time, but later told me in private, "She wants to do good things, I raised her to be a daughter-in-law, unless she spends money to support you now." This made me uncomfortable hearing this, because I was already the age to hear "a daughter who marries, splashes water".
Later, when I left home to go to college, my life circle suddenly changed, and I met many classmates with different family backgrounds. For the first time, I learned that many rural girls had a younger brother at home. There is a girl whose family runs a factory, she can earn a lot of money, and she always spends money lavishly. Later, I heard that she was deliberately unrestrained, because the family's money would be her brother's in the future, and she wanted to spend more on herself now. This is the first time I have come into contact with such a family, and I am a little emotional, and I don't quite agree with her approach.
Source: Pexels
When I was preparing for graduate school, I read a lot of literature and learned about a book called "The Second Sex". The evaluation of the book in the book was very simple, and I memorized it mechanically and did not understand much. After being admitted, through the teacher's explanation, I really understood what gender is, gender temperament and gender identity. At that moment, I seemed to have touched some door. I knew it was my cognitive door, and then I saw a different world.
Similar feelings, my classmates also have. We love to talk to each other, especially when there are hot searches on the news for both sexes. At the beginning we were proud, and in the face of some incomprehensible behavior, we would always say, or because we woke up, they didn't, and everyone thought differently.
The twist of everything is the spring after the hit of "It's All Good". I still remember one afternoon, after hanging up the phone, I crouched on the path next to the library and cried for a while before I went back to convert the recording of the interview into text. I was doing interviews on gender topics in order to get an internship. Taking advantage of the popularity of "It's All Good", I found girls with similar family backgrounds and chatted with them.
"It's all good"
Some of them are southerners and some northerners, some are about my age, and some are already mature sisters. Their grievances at home vary, some have come out, but most young girls are still trying to be independent. I remember the girl who made me cry was a girl who had endured domestic violence.
I asked her if she could talk about her most memorable experience, but I didn't want her to stop one after another and talk about being beaten by her father. But she said that what broke her down was not that her brother made a mistake and she was beaten, or that her brother ate shrimp and she didn't have to eat, but that once she asked her mother for help, and her mother did not help her. But she doesn't resent her mother, she feels that everyone is a victim.
In fact, I couldn't stand it anymore, my hand holding the phone was shaking, trying to suppress my emotions to complete this conversation. She was crying on the other side of the phone, and I couldn't comfort me at all. I could understand that she was in pain, but I couldn't empathize with her pain. I think no matter how many books I read, how many doors I push open, and how much I broaden my knowledge, I will never be able to understand what kind of pain she went through.
Source: Pexels
After that, I went directly to read "The Second Sex", and I finally deeply realized that the root of inequality is engraved in our minds, entangled in the moment of interpersonal communication, and integrated into the entire social structure. In the past, I thought that women were high and men were low because I only saw some very simple performances, such as Shenzhen has women's carriages, Shenzhen subway has put up a lot of slogans, so that girls can wear small skirts with confidence, and the police uncle will be responsible for catching satyrs...
I began to understand that it is not inevitable that girls can read, that our country has been working hard to educate girls, so that in 2020, the number of female graduate students can account for 50.9% of all graduate students. The elders praised the daughter-in-law as a means of family harmony, saying that it was better than the daughter because the daughter married into someone else's family and was taking care of the parents of that family, and only the daughter-in-law was taking care of herself. "China Merchants Bank" and "money-losing goods", whether boys and girls are very problematic, are objectifying people.
I don't know if all foreigners are willing to marry, but I do know that the Global Gender Gap Report, released in 2022, shows that we rank 102 out of 146 countries.
Source: World Economic Forum
Teachers who study marriage and romance said that in ancient times, women were in charge of money, which was one of the wife's jobs, but it did not mean that the wife's status was high, and whose status depended on who was spending the money and for whom. The wife is angry and apologizes whether she is wrong or not, on the surface she is a gentleman, but in fact she puts women in an unreasonable position. They say that the festival is for girls, only to see that they buy gifts for girls, but they close their eyes and do not look at the girls who give gifts to boys.
Some people say that there is now a preference for women over men. Independent women want to be independent, and they want bride price, and they should be and stand; If there is a women's carriage, there is no male carriage, which is discrimination against men; How to only sing that only mom is good in the world, and dad is not good... Indeed, it is very advantageous to look at women this way, because only the surface is seen.
There are two opposite concepts, called theoretical meaning and practical meaning. Theoretical significance is a conceptual meaning, while practical meaning is practical life. Life is not magic, it is not to hold a magic wand and say "equality", equality exists, and it must be changed step by step. In terms of gender, this is equivalent to the distinction between "strategic gender interests" and "realistic gender interests".
Source: Pexels
Gender refers to cultural and psychological gender concepts, including our understanding and expectations of gender, which will change according to different times, places, ethnicities, etc. Strategic gender interests are equivalent to theoretical meaning, which is an ideal interest model that is completely equal to the current gender relations, while realistic gender interests are interest models that consider the actual social situation and take into account the specific needs of life.
If we distinguish the difference between the two, we can understand why it seems that women have taken all the benefits, but they still seem to be not satisfied, because strategic interests cannot replace practical interests, just as we cannot live the life of the ancients by the standards of modern people. When we evaluate what is right and what is wrong, we must take into account both interests, and we cannot require women to fulfill certain obligations when society does not yet have the conditions to support women's full equality. Specific analysis of specific things, seeing the pressure of men, but also seeing the difficulties of women, mutual understanding between the sexes, is the way to bridge the gender contradiction.
In response to the above questions, I believe that everyone has their own answers, and I also want to express my own opinion. The bride price is a complex issue of culture, economy and customs, and the parties are both men and women and their families, and the pressure cannot be placed on the woman alone, after all, she is not the only decision-maker and stakeholder. The establishment of women's carriages has the effect of preventing harassment, and harassment should be dealt with not in women's carriages, but on the trains. As for the fact that only the mother is good in the world, where in this world is there an honor given for nothing?
Do tasteful content, when beautiful girls with souls.
Text | Empty leprechaun
Cover | pexels