Wen \ Zero, Jiang Zuo Meiniang
Ever read this question on the Internet: What is the root of a person's suffering?
One of the praises replied:
In everyone's life, they will be attacked by two arrows:
One is shot at you from the outside world, and the other is shot at yourself, but it is the latter that really hurts you the most.
Many times, what makes us miserable is not life itself, but from within ourselves.
blindly compare and torture yourself; Be overly demanding and hurt yourself; Think too much and empty yourself.
In the final analysis, the root cause of a person's suffering is to be too cruel to himself.
01Blind comparison, torture yourself
Decades ago, Cornell University professor Frank once did this survey:
How much housing does a family need in the U.S.?
While his students were still speculating about how many children a family needed a garage.
His findings turned out to be:
It depends on how large the neighborhood is, and if their neighbor's house is larger, they need to build a bigger house to outnumber the neighbor.
Such an answer is both unexpected and reasonable.
Carnegie said:
"Many troubles in life stem from blindly comparing ourselves with others and forgetting to enjoy our own lives."
Yes, blindly obsessing with comparisons will only disrupt your own life, make yourself suffer from gains and losses, and panic.
In the TV series "Come on, Mom", Qin Wei, played by Hai Lu, and her husband are both rural college students with no background.
She runs an online store, and her husband is an ordinary wage earner, the family lives in crowded rental houses, and her children are attached to relatives' hukou to attend school in the metropolis.
Although their lives are difficult, they are happy to be together as a family.
However, after Qin Wei met a group of Kuotai mothers, she became more comparative, regardless of her own conditions, she wanted to be on par with Mrs. Kuo.
Seeing that Mrs. Kuo was carrying brand-name bags, she also lied that there was a gold mine at home, and carried fake brand-name bags, and lived trembling every day, for fear that the lie would be exposed.
She did not hesitate to borrow usury to buy a school district house, but as a result, she fell into routine loans and was heavily in debt, which made the originally stretched family even worse, and the relationship with her husband became increasingly tense.
Zhang Xiaoxian said:
"People always like to compare with others to see who is better than themselves and who is not as good as themselves. In fact, the bottom of your troubles and sorrows is never the misfortune and pain of others, but your own happiness. ”
Many times, we turn a blind eye to our own happiness and envy the achievements of others.
As everyone knows, the heart of comparison is like poison, which will make you lose yourself in the blind chase and lose everything you originally have.
In fact, everyone's blossoming period is different, and instead of looking up to the happiness of others, it is better to focus on the path under your feet.
The Little Monk of Zen says:
"You don't have to compete all the time, you don't have to compete for your own world."
Yes, grasping your own rhythm and staying in your own life is the greatest sobriety of a person.
02Demand perfection and make it difficult for yourself
Wu Zhihong told the story of one of his visitors, Miss Chen:
Ms. Chen is a person who is strongly demanding perfection in everything, and she hopes to be the best in every aspect in her circle.
She was originally a well-known art academy and a well-known folk dance teacher.
But she was not satisfied with only dancing ethnic dances, hoping to make a breakthrough in other fields, and began to turn her attention to ballet, not only spending a lot of time practicing dance every day, but also watching performances everywhere, striving to be perfect when she performed.
She practiced diligently, was strict with herself, and the slightest mistake could make her depressed for days, and if a performance did not achieve the desired effect, she began to attack herself and fell into deep self-blame.
In the end, Miss Chen suffered from emotional illness, and her whole person was tired, haggard, anxious, irritable, and her work was greatly affected.
Wu Zhihong said:
"If you always expect that you will be perfect in everything and achieve 100 points, it means that you are constantly attacking yourself."
It is really true that demanding perfection is a kind of paranoia, which often only consumes time and energy, and it is difficult to achieve true success.
Bai Yansong was once the hottest host of CCTV.
But he wants to make himself better, not only as a producer of three columns, but also in the recording of programs in sports, entertainment, news and other fields.
He wears many hats and can't tolerate the slightest mistake in his work.
But the result of seeking perfection in everything was that he was more stressed, his hair fell out a lot, and his physical condition was frequent, and he had to stop work for a year.
Moderate pursuit of perfection is a kind of motivation, but excessive demand for perfection will only make it difficult to carry a heavy load.
You know, there are few things in the world, and more regrets that cannot be sought.
If the flowers are fully blooming, they will begin to wither; If the moon is fully full, it will begin to mutilate.
"Firefly Whisper" says:
"Live to seven points, and drink until slightly drunk; The pen and ink are loose, and the words are gentle; Quaint and incomplete, implicit; It is the highest state of endless beauty. ”
When we learn to accept the imperfections of life, life will have a different sea and sky.
Instead of demanding perfection and torturing yourself, it is better to relax, retain some regrets, and shake hands with life.
03 Think too much and drag yourself down
In psychology, there is a phenomenon called "excessive thinking".
This means that when a person is overly worried and anxious about something, it will make his body and mind tormented.
Excessive thinking is setting resistance to life and putting shackles on the soul.
In this life, the more people carry in their hearts, the more bumpy the road will become.
Bo Wei once described one of his experiences:
After graduating from college, he joined a technology company, and since he was not yet familiar with the company's business, the leader hired an old employee to take him.
However, every time the colleague spoke to him, his voice was very loud, and sometimes, it sounded like he was arguing with him.
For this reason, Zhang Wei felt bitter for a long time, feeling that he might have offended his colleagues by not doing a good job.
After that, when I got along with my colleagues, I was even more trembling, afraid that I would be a little bad.
As a result, because of my excessive mental tension, I could not concentrate well, and my cooperation with colleagues was also frequent, and I almost couldn't pass the internship period.
Later, he learned that it turned out that his colleague's ear had been injured, so when he spoke, the volume would involuntarily become louder.
But because of excessive thinking, I almost lost my job.
Shakespeare said:
"If a person thinks too much, he will lose the joy of being a human being."
The more I grow up, the more I understand that in fact, it is not the things of others or the outside world that fight with myself, but the overly sensitive self.
Often because of the unintentional actions of others, self-hurt secretly, troubles will arise, and happiness will become farther and farther away.
Life in the world, many things, do not need to go to the heart, after all, our heart, carrying capacity is limited, only know how to reduce the burden, you can be comfortable.
04 Mei Niang said
Rousseau said:
"Our grief, our worries, our pain, are all caused by ourselves." – Grief
There is nothing in the world, and mediocrity disturbs itself.
Although life is like sailing against the tide, it is always ourselves who are at the helm, and the joys and sorrows of life are determined by ourselves.
Keep your own rhythm, don't let other people's lives disrupt your own position;
Accept the regrets of life, don't embarrass your own body and mind because of the fulfillment of others;
Clear the baggage of your mind, don't bind your soul because of crankiness.
I hope that you and I can stay sober and thorough, put our minds in place, live a good life, and enjoy a light life.
-END-