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Marriage and Family Counseling: I am a mother, but you are not ready to be a father...

Marriage and Family Counseling: I am a mother, but you are not ready to be a father...

A lovely baby was born and the whole family started a new prologue. This is a very happy thing, but we also notice that the inherent order of life has been broken by the advent of new life, and the husband and wife face great tests while joyful.

▼ Teacher Li Xiuxin, counselor of Guangzhou Heard Bar Psychological Counseling Center, interprets for you: I am a mother, but you are not ready to become a father.

The relationship between the two,

It is always simpler and easier to deal with than three, four, or multiple relationships.

Before the arrival of the child, Jingwen and Abun loved each other and sprinkled sugar every day. Abu would come home on time after work, waiting for Shizumo, who was busy in the kitchen, to hand over the "work".

Although Jingwen is a novice cook, Abu is her most loyal fan, even if it is not delicious, Abu will not have any complaints, and will consciously help Jingwen wash dishes and share household chores

Abu is a romantic man who knows how to make Jingwen happy best, and even if he is married, he will often create romance to surprise Jingwen. Every time Jingwen thinks about this, he feels very happy and lucky.

Half a year later, Jingwen became pregnant, and the little couple were very happy, looking forward to a more perfect family life, seemingly unaware that life had quietly changed.

Marriage and Family Counseling: I am a mother, but you are not ready to be a father...

I'm a mother, and you're not ready

After the birth of his son, Jingwen was not only a wife but also a mother, and Abu did not seem to have become a father yet. When Jingwen got up late at night to take care of the crying baby and breastfeed the baby, Abu fell asleep in bed, occasionally being woken up and complaining.

When Jingwen helped the baby with muscle training, learning to climb, sit, stand, and walk, Abu was not willing to participate at all, and even laughed at his son for being too stupid....

Gradually, their quarrels began to increase, complaining more, accusing more, Jingwen felt that Abu was getting farther and farther away from him, the child seemed to be hers alone, and Abu was just a bystander.

Jingwen couldn't figure out why Abu, who was considerate in the past, became cold and picky after the birth of his child? Why is it that both parties are looking forward to the arrival of the child, but now the husband has left it alone and thrown it all to himself?

Marriage and Family Counseling: I am a mother, but you are not ready to be a father...

The birth of a child is a huge challenge for men

With the arrival of new family members, the family structure will also change, the original balance is broken, and a new balance is still being established.

If one partner in an intimate relationship has successfully adapted to the new role and the other partner stays in place, an unbalanced relationship becomes apparent.

After the birth of the child, Jingwen quickly entered the role of mother, but Abu was "confused" and did not adapt to the arrival of the child. The woman is both a mother and a father, and no one understands the grievances and hard work! Many women even experience depression or anxiety as a result.

Many women who share the same experience are indignant: why can't men join themselves and participate in the upbringing of their children and become fathers to share responsibilities?

Most women will think that after having children, men will naturally become fathers of children, becoming more mature and responsible. In fact, it's just women "doing their best." Being a mother and a father are simultaneous in time, but psychologically they really enter the role, and men will never be able to compare with women.

For women, motherhood is a very natural behavior, pregnant in October, connected with the child's flesh and blood, the child grows up in the woman's belly day by day, slowly squirming, the mother nurses TA, warms TA, knows whether TA is asleep or awake, happy or uncomfortable.

Therefore, as long as a woman consciously completes the revolution that occurs in her body during pregnancy, she can be psychologically ready to become a mother. When a child is born, women can enter new roles relatively quickly.

In comparison, men are too "slow and hot", and the entry of the role of "father" is also slow.

Marriage and Family Counseling: I am a mother, but you are not ready to be a father...

In fact, this is no wonder to men, because for men, becoming a father is an unknown and difficult task.

Moreover, Dad "lost at the starting line" from the beginning, why say this? Because the child did not grow up in the belly of the father, he did not have enough time for psychological construction like Bao's mother.

Therefore, many men often do not realize that they become a father until after the birth of their children, and some do not fully enter the role of "father" until the child reaches adolescence.

The psychological maturity of parents has opened up a lot of distance, and gradually formed an "imbalance" situation.

▓ So what should mom do to help dad adapt to the role of "father" as soon as possible?

01

▕ Be considerate of daddy's "first time"

Many men want to be a good father, but lack role models and experience, and can only "cross the river by feeling the stones", which inevitably runs into a wall. When men begin to try to take care of their children like a mother, perhaps the imitator's voice is rough and clumsy.

If women look anxious and can't help but scold, accuse, and complain, it will only make men more frustrated and more and more away from this "drudgery".

As a mother, you should try to adjust your mentality at this time and be more considerate of your father's "first time".

They will inevitably be nervous and rusty in the process of participation, and mothers can carefully guide and remind at this time to create opportunities for dads to participate in the process of getting along with their children and share the responsibility of parenting.

02

▕ Protect positivity, give attention and praise

When you see that men can't do well, don't rush to correct and criticize, which is likely to erase men's enthusiasm.

Baoma needs to train a pair of eyes that are good at discovering advantages, see more of the active "shining points" of new fathers, affirm what they have done well, express gratitude, let dads feel their self-worth in the process of raising a baby, and believe that fathers who are affirmed, recognized and encouraged will be more willing and actively participate in parenting work.

Marriage and Family Counseling: I am a mother, but you are not ready to be a father...

03

▕ Learn to be lazy

Many mothers will worry that men will not take care of their children, and they need to worry about everything, not only their own hard work, but also their fathers cannot understand themselves. In fact, appropriate "laziness" is an important way to make dads responsible.

Bao's mother can let men take their children to parenting classes; Leave dad alone at home with the child for half a day or a whole day; When you are away, you can also give your father tasks such as holding the child, feeding the child, and packing things.

If moms handle everything personally, dads will be at a loss, have no sense of participation, and there may be "widowed parenting" in the long run.

04

▕ Give some attention to your husband

For physical and psychological reasons, many mothers will unconsciously put all their energy into their children and ignore their partners' feelings.

At this time, men may be consciously acceptable, after all, the child is still young and needs more care, but subconsciously it is inevitable to feel lost because of "falling out of favor", and there is some resistance to raising children and even babies.

Mothers need to pay more attention to the feelings and emotions of the new father, so that he can participate in the interaction between you and the baby, and feel the happiness of getting along with the child, which can naturally increase the enthusiasm of men to bring babies and be daddy, and the mother can also be easier.

Psychological counselor Li Xiuxin concluded

Becoming a father is a long and arduous path, which requires the guidance and companionship of his mother.

I hope that the above can provide some strength, support, and guidance to the mother, learn to let the partner become a competent daddy as soon as possible, and the two share the responsibility of raising children.

If you have tried various methods and your husband still can't catch up with the "progress", you can seek professional marriage psychological counseling help, and under the guidance of professionals, help the other party "transform" as soon as possible.

Marriage and Family Counseling: I am a mother, but you are not ready to be a father...

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