Why do many children not consider the feelings of their parents?

Figure | Little joy

Today I want to talk about family relationships.

Recently, the life of a friend has fallen into a small impasse.

The reason is that grandparents are back.

Many people will habitually think: the old man came to help, and finally he could breathe a sigh of relief. But this was not the case, she began to be anxious before her parents returned, and kept looking for reasons to postpone her parents' return to Beijing.

01

It's not that the relationship is bad.

Before the pandemic ended, they lived together uninterrupted under one roof for three years. Every time my parents wanted to go home, either the virus in Beijing was repeated or the outbreak in their hometown lasted until August last year.

There was a moment of silence in the world. After holding back for three years, she planned to take her two children out of Beijing to sail, and her parents took this opportunity to go home to see.

At the time, I didn't expect that this time the separation would last until March of the following year.

At first, the parents wanted to return to Beijing, and a new round of seizures began in the hometown, and then the imperial capital was in a hurry, and then the whole family Yang and her parents were not infected, and after Yangkang, she took the child to Hainan to raise, so that the elderly could protect at home with peace of mind.

Nine months passed like that.

In the past 9 months, the elderly have not been there, the aunt cannot come to the door, and the child has taken online classes at home. Husband and wife can only divide up and cooperate: take the baby while working, cook and clean themselves.

I haven't been in the kitchen for more than a decade, and at the beginning I have to deal with food by rushing with recipes. Children are also very worried, online classes are not good, homework is not done and not read, people are anxious when they look at it, how can the biological baby be such a wasted mother?

However, the strong women in the workplace in the virus have to go to the kitchen, let alone housewives? If the meal is to be eaten, the child has to take care of it, and only to find a way to iterate.

Soon she came up with a 15min recipe, and once a week there was an air fryer quick hamburger fries or baked pizza, and the Chinese and Western children were very happy. Even began to invite friends over for dinner during the holidays, before the parents had a lot of inconvenience.

After the cleaning aunt was in place, life was more on track, sitting in the sun and drinking coffee, it was extremely comfortable.

This made her think about one thing: Why is there no such feeling of relaxation when her parents are around? They help with cooking and raising babies, but why does it always make people feel an urgency on the string?

The sense of urgency, she says, is first and foremost a source of guilt. The elderly are in their 60s, and the age of retirement goes home to work, working for children, which is difficult not to make children feel guilty.

Second, parents and you don't have a sense of boundaries. They will come into your life very casually and take it for granted to "give you" advice.

Isn't it all for your own good? Urge you to get married and have children, after giving birth, start to guide you how to educate children, and after guiding education, start to circle around your life...

She said the most common conversations at home during meals are:

— Do you want to eat rice?

— Dad, I don't want it.

— Do you want to eat baked biscuits?

— No, I don't eat.

— Would you like to get some noodles?

— I'm losing weight, Dad! Do not eat staple foods.

Then he walked into the kitchen, although he only traveled 2 meters, but it was as if he had walked into another parallel space, and asked again: I will give you a hot baked cake, do you want it?

— Dad, I don't eat baked cakes! (Already a bit of a crash at this point)

Dad was an engineer who could dredge sewers and build his own electric cars, and he could also make the best aviation parts. But once he entered the role of the family, the aura of the old intellectual disappeared, leaving only the "daddy taste" that was trivial and could not be trivial.

Ask what to eat a hundred times, and then be immune to the "no answer" given by everyone.

— Eat eggs or not? Thank you Grandpa, I don't want it.

But the eggs are still picked up and transported to the child's bowl, only to be anxiously rejected by the child halfway:

— I said, don't~

Then he would hold up eggs to talk about nutrition and persuade him to eat. But what comes back is often children desperately covering the bowl, really don't like to eat, why do you have to eat it?

Parents never feel that you don't need it, and children have their own right to choose and have a sense of independence. Always fully engaged in his role and without distractions.

It is impossible to relax in this situation, and you cannot even escape the anxiety of being rushed away by "eating".

This anxiety is even more pronounced when traveling together. He will remind you to leave for the station early in the morning, and although it is the afternoon train, he will remind you to be obedient.

Once she was really crazy by follow, so she gave up her plan to play for half a day and went to the station. It took 20 minutes on the road, and then the family waited 2 hours at the station for the train to come...

The 2-hour train station tour is unforgettable because that stop can be seen at a glance. But her dad was very comfortable. The trip is not important, the important thing is that you are not late...

What if you go out and spend time and money, and your heart is bleeding? They just can use an obsession to pull the thread that you thought would have broken long ago.

Don't listen? Daddy Wei was immediately full of resentment: I can't manage you when I'm old... My God, how can this be refuted? It's Daddy after all.

Therefore, most Chinese children are afraid to live under the same roof with their parents, not because the house is too crowded, but because they are really congested.

I would rather choose an aunt. She is the real right hand you pay to get back, parents are impossible, pointing fingers is very unfilial, but asking them to help is never a simple matter——

Where you need it, he dismisses it; When you don't need it, he'll go to the end.

They may not know that their children do not need their great sacrifices, they just want them not to spin over their lives and live the life they really want to live, okay?

Oh, just like Bi Shumin, who sailed around the earth for more than half a hundred days and 100 days, shining brightly.

02

Some people have wondered about the question: Why do many Chinese children not consider the feelings of their parents?

There is an answer on Zhihu that has been praised by more than 14,000 people, the source is quoted from a conversation between her and her mother in @LongYingtai's "Eyesight":

See, this is our daily routine and often breaks us down inexplicably.

So why don't Chinese children take into account their parents' feelings? The roots are all here with my parents. If everything is taken care of, how can there be an opportunity to think independently? If you don't have the opportunity to eat, you will naturally think that asking for your parents should be divided.

The worst thing is that my parents still maintain generational output, 360-degree perfect service, and they feel that they have not done enough...

Even if you can refuse, the other person will still go their own way. This reminds me of a play.

In "Do You Know It", Sheng Minglan was chased by the little father-in-law after marriage, and was forced to ask the little father-in-law to meet to make it clear. The little father-in-law came up to tell his heart, saying that every night he couldn't sleep thinking about how you were doing, whether you would be angry at your husband's house...

He means, I have done so much for you, how can you not be moved?

Sheng Minglan just advised people to live a piece of the world by themselves. But the little father-in-law didn't understand, he really fell into his great illusion of love and couldn't extricate himself, and finally forced Minglan to hurry, and threw a cruel word:

I think good is good, you think, don't count!

Mom and Dad love us too much, and we do the same to the next generation... Even if helicopter parents are not tired, children will be tired.

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