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Seven or eight of the 10 elderly people with babies in the community are grandmothers with babies, before Grandma was an army with babies, and now Grandma is an army with babies.
From "grandma with baby" to "grandma with baby", revealing a lot of information, in fact, it is really not a single reason because of the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Why did you let your grandmother take the baby, and your mother said the truth
Ning Ning was brought by her grandmother for a few months, and after 9 months, Ning Ning brought it herself for a period of time, and then she was replaced by a grandmother with a baby.
Ning Ning's mother said: Grandma belt, grandma take me are not at ease, the same, but because my father is fine at home, he can also cook, he alone at home has no problems, but Grandpa will only cook rice and fried vegetables, a person to eat often OK, more than half a year down the stomach problems.
Based on this reality, after Ning Ning's mother and husband consulted, they let Grandma take the baby and let Grandma go back to her hometown.
And another baby Qingqing, is another situation, her mother-in-law is from Anhui, will not ride a bicycle, will not ride an electric car, the child to go to school to pick up, grandma will ride, so choose to let grandma take the baby.
Jingjing baby's home is another situation, but also the most common situation, Jingjing mother said: "I have communication problems with my mother-in-law, language barrier, often do not know what the other party is saying, two people are at home, really embarrassing, so let my mother help with the baby." I don't have a good temper, I occasionally lose my temper in front of my mother, my mother doesn't take it seriously, and I can only hold back in front of my mother-in-law, which is really too uncomfortable. ”
This is a more common situation, because with the baby, usually the mother and the elderly have more contact, if it is a mother-in-law or a mother-daughter, obviously the latter is more comfortable and comfortable to get along with.
The old man should also look away, and it is more idle without a baby
Talk to some elderly people more, you will find the gap between the two sides of the concept, when our young mothers talk together, talk about "with the baby", will shake their heads and say: The child will grow up later, with a child, I do not want to take the baby.
Many old people will think that bringing a baby is a symbol of honor.
For example, the grandmother very much wants to take the grandchildren, but in the end the daughter-in-law chooses the grandmother to bring the baby, the grandmother may be very angry, thinking that the daughter-in-law tutoring problem.
When young people talk about bringing babies to their children in the future, the first thing they think of is to sacrifice their personal enjoyment time, take care of their children every day, and their bodies and spirits will feel tired, so they are simply willing to take babies.
But when the old people mention the matter of taking a baby, some old people will feel that this is an honor, at least if the right to carry a baby is deprived, they will feel very faceless and angry.
In fact, this is related to the environment, people's concept formation is directly related to the environment, the parent generation has determined that the grandson must be brought by the grandmother, if the grandmother does not bring the grandson, people will give a conclusion, "This grandmother has no status in the family, the daughter-in-law looks down on her."
It is precisely because of the influence of this concept that grandmothers must guard their territory.
I'd rather bring a baby to my daughter than a baby to my daughter-in-law
In fact, I personally have a suggestion, if there is a son and a daughter, it is better to give the daughter to bring the baby, rather than to give the son and daughter-in-law to bring the baby.
It is not that the daughter-in-law is not good, the daughter is good, but the relationship between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law is very delicate, these two people are suitable for living under two eaves, once the relationship is close, when living under one roof, the relationship is prone to problems, if both sides can consider the problem from each other's point of view, there is no bad impact, but live together for a long time, all kinds of contradictions will emerge, there is a wise man, this family is not enough to fly and jump, if the man in the middle is a confused worm, low emotional intelligence, Then it is difficult for this family to be harmonious.
But the daughter is not the same, the daughter lives with the mother, the contradiction is also indispensable, but the mother can openly and frankly talk to the daughter about the problem, and even criticize the daughter, in turn, the daughter can also directly point out the mother's wrong, the mother and daughter do not have an overnight vendetta, the contradiction appears, and then it is resolved, and the relationship returns to the way it was before.
The mother's love for her daughter is unquestionable, and it is precisely because of this that two people are not afraid of contradictions, and the mother can also face the daughter head-on.
But the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law are strangers, because a man comes together, and has become second only to the mother-daughter relationship of the "mother-daughter relationship", the gap between the two is very large, the relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law is to maintain a good relationship outside a certain distance, the daughter-in-law respects the mother-in-law, the mother-in-law also respects the daughter-in-law, there is no mother-daughter relationship between the two people, but to maintain a mother-daughter relationship.
This is a very delicate relationship that requires both parties to maintain sanity, and it also determines that the best state for two people is to maintain a certain distance in order to maintain a good relationship.
As a last resort, both sides gave in
But if young people need grandma to bring a baby, and grandma insists on helping her son and daughter-in-law with a baby, in order to make herself comfortable, then it is another matter.
When people have a choice, they can choose a more favorable party, and when they have no choice, they learn to adapt to the current environment.
There is a grandmother in the community who is very wise, she is actually not used to her daughter-in-law, and the temper of the two people is not matched. But her idea was: of course I have to bring my own granddaughter.
The son often travels on business, the family basically on him and the baby and the daughter-in-law three people, in life he tries to keep silent, not accustomed to not saying, occasionally by the daughter-in-law pointed out some inappropriate places, although the heart is not convinced, the face does not show it, every day on the head to do housework, with the baby, so that for a long time, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law reached a tacit understanding, can also live well together.
The grandmother said: "The times are different, the old man must count on the young man, and in the future I will have to count on the daughter-in-law and son, and I want to maintain it well. ”
It does not matter who the baby brings, it is important to adjust their mentality, be willing to consider the problem from the perspective of the other party, and make the family relationship more harmonious.