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As the saying goes: Staying for a long time is despicable, and frequent relatives are also alienated.
This means that staying in someone else's home for a long time can be annoying; too many exchanges between relatives can alienate the relationship.
Indeed it is.
Everyone needs to have their own private space, and wanton disturbances without boundaries can bring a burden to others; excessive intersection without proportions will make the relationship complicated.
Whether it is a relationship of relatives, or a relationship of friends, the interaction between people must grasp a certain degree of proportion and distance, and the relationship without a sense of boundaries will eventually be a chicken feather.
The relationship between people should be close, and mutual interaction is the prerequisite. All good interpersonal relationships are established in your comings and goings, courtesy and courtesy.
However, everything is moderate and profitable, and excessive is loss. No matter what you do, you must grasp the measure, and the same is true of people-to-people interactions.
In interpersonal communication, a good grasp of proportions can make the relationship harmonious and harmonious; if it is not well mastered, the light will be full of resentment, and the heavy will be damaged.
01. Live with your in-laws after marriage
Netizen Wan Ting (pseudonym) has been full of resentment in the past year. Because the sister-in-law, who has no sense of proportion, took her daughter to live in her house for a year.
Wan Ting's house is a small apartment, a three-bedroom apartment of about 90 square meters, which was jointly purchased by her husband Ding Feng (pseudonym) when she got married.
The reason why I bought a small apartment at the beginning was that I did not plan to live with my in-laws, but I did not expect that after marriage, not only my in-laws lived in, but my sister-in-law also lived with my children.
In fact, Wan Ting did not resist living with her in-laws.
The two in-laws are industrious and clean, and have a cheerful personality, she and her in-laws get along, although they can't do fish and water, but they know how to give in to each other, at least on the surface can maintain a harmonious atmosphere.
Especially after the birth of her daughter, her in-laws have done their best to help her solve many problems in life, and she has always been grateful.
As for the sister-in-law living in the house, she can actually understand, after all, in the hearts of children, where the parents are, the home is. It's just that the sister-in-law's lack of measure makes her very disgusted.
When she was not yet married, she had a certain understanding of Ding Feng's original family.
Ding Feng was born in a nearby township with many relatives and complicated interpersonal relationships. It was just that at that time, she didn't mind very much about it.
Because she knows that marriage is actually a kind of integration, if you want to live happily and harmoniously in marriage, you must learn to accept and accept each other's advantages and disadvantages, including each other's original family.
After getting married, there are indeed many in-laws who have a lot of personal contacts.
However, people now, whether urban or township, pay more attention to the sense of boundary, and pay attention to proportions when people are in contact, afraid that they will bring inconvenience and trouble to each other's lives.
02. The sister-in-law lacks a sense of proportion
Shortly after the marriage, Ding Feng's cousin interned at university and lived at home for a month.
During this period, the cousin knew how to measure up, understood etiquette, had great respect for her, had a sweet mouth, rushed to do housework, and often bought fruit to come back and share with a family.
Ding Feng's sister-in-law's mother-in-law was hospitalized, and her sister-in-law also lived at home for more than ten days. The sister-in-law is also very good at being a person, not only bringing many local specialties, but also buying two sets of new clothes for Wanting's daughter.
However, the sister-in-law is difficult to say. The sister-in-law is two years younger than Ding Feng, because she married earlier, and Erbao is more than a year older than Wan Ting's daughter.
Although the sister-in-law is the mother of two children, she is still very willful, and her personality is also relatively impatient, and she will lose her temper at every turn.
The sister-in-law has a bad relationship with her in-laws, and she and her husband often quarrel.
Every time there was a fight, she ran back to her mother's house for a few days. At first, it was fine, staying for three or five days at most, and her husband came to pick her up.
In the past two years, the sister-in-law has to live for a long time every time she quarrels, and the longest time she has lived for three months.
The mother's family is the daughter's eternal backing and safe haven, the same woman, Wan Ting at the beginning of the welcome of the sister-in-law to go home temporarily, but also with the sister-in-law with the enemy.
However, the sister-in-law's temper is too bad and too out of proportion. Moreover, the sister-in-law is full of negative energy, often scolding and scolding the in-laws on the phone, all kinds of words
They would even smash things in the room to vent their anger, frightening the children in the family into crying and making the whole family cloudy.
Wan Ting hopes that her children can grow up in a harmonious and friendly atmosphere. Therefore, every time she saw the sister-in-law's circle of friends disheartened or something, she began to worry.
In her heart, she has been praying for the harmony of the little sister-in-law and the marriage, and the happiness of the marriage, and not to return to her mother's house to make trouble...
03. The sister-in-law's mother and daughter live at home for a year
However, what Wan Ting was most worried about happened.
The sister-in-law's marriage came to an end, and she took her 4-year-old daughter and ran to her mother's house full of resentment. This time, the sister-in-law lived for a year and still had no intention of leaving.
During this period, the sister-in-law is still willful and her temper still does not change.
The arrival of the sister-in-law has broken a certain balance, making the originally harmonious and harmonious family relationship delicate, and the peaceful life of the past has disappeared.
During this year, the sister-in-law's food expenses could not be paid at all, and she often disliked the poor food provided by her mother-in-law.
Wan Ting sometimes hears it and feels very unpleasant, because although the mother-in-law buys vegetables and cooks at home, the food fee is paid by her, and she will take 3,000 yuan to her mother-in-law every month.
Later, the father-in-law may also feel inappropriate, from his own salary, took 500 yuan to her, saying that it was the sister-in-law's food expenses, but she refused.
Wan Ting believes that it is not a matter of food expenses at all.
The sister-in-law is the daughter of her in-laws, but not hers, and she has no obligation to provide for and endure for a long time. If the sister-in-law knows how to measure up, it is enough, but the sister-in-law does not care about the feelings of others at all.
The niece is the same, her personality is very similar to that of a sister-in-law, short-tempered, and a bit domineering, often grabbing toys with her daughter, scratching her daughter's face with scars, and even biting people.
Most importantly, the sister-in-law did not leave, disrupting Wan Ting's plan. In order to cultivate her daughter's independence, she originally planned to arrange for her daughter to sleep in a room by herself starting from her daughter's kindergarten at the age of 3.
However, seeing that her daughter was about to turn three years old, the room was still occupied by her sister-in-law's mother and daughter.
Wan Ting asked Ding Feng to come forward to solve the problem, but Ding Feng had a gentle personality, was kind and generous, and could not open his mouth. She was very angry, but there was nothing she could do, after all, she was looking for her husband...
She also said it euphemistically in front of her in-laws several times, and her mother-in-law agreed with her lips, but she never saw actual action.
04. Relatives borrowed for a long time, and the woman drove away with a plan
Once, my daughter had several scars on her face. Wan Ting couldn't bear it any longer, she knew that only by relying on herself could she drive her sister-in-law away.
She went to her mother's house to take home the golden retriever who had been raised for 8 years, and she knew that her sister-in-law and niece were afraid of dogs, and her niece had a slight asthma...
Sure enough, the sister-in-law reacted fiercely, both afraid that the dog would bite people, and afraid that the child's inhalation of dog hair would aggravate asthma.
Wan Ting made an excuse, saying that her parents planned to go to her grandmother's house for a while, so she had to take the dog home first. The in-laws asked her to put the dog elsewhere, and she agreed with her lips, but there was no actual action.
Ding Feng knew that she was deliberate and advised her not to be willful, but she ignored it. In the end, she was upset by what she said, so she shouted at Ding Feng in spite of the fact.
The in-laws actually knew it, and when they saw this situation, they began to rent a house nearby for their sister-in-law. After two days, the little sister-in-law and mother-in-law who had been at home for a year finally left.
Ding Feng complained about her and made the family unhappy. Wan Ting said, "They are not happy, not within my responsibility, I am only responsible for my own emotions now." ”
Ancients Cloud: It is easy to meet well, and it is difficult to live for a long time.
If you want to maintain a good relationship, you must pay attention to the sense of boundaries and grasp a certain measure and distance. This is true even between relatives.
The mother's family is the daughter's eternal safe haven, and it is a natural thing for the daughter to return to the mother's home, but we must grasp the measure and carefully maintain the relationship with the mother's family.
Harmonious interpersonal relationships are an important source of happiness, especially between relatives.
Well, today is here, I hope that each issue of the story can bring friends a little emotional thinking, like Yu'er, please pay attention to me, give the article like collection recommended Oh, thank you we will see you in the next issue ~