In the past three years, many people have become accustomed to "celebrating the New Year in place".
On days when we can't go home, we miss too many opportunities to reunite with our parents and sibling. This also makes the Spring Festival in 2023 the expectation and yearning of more people.
This year's Spring Festival is in full swing, and airports and train stations are crowded with travelers rushing from other places to their hometowns.
They walked in a hurry, like arrows, just to see their families as soon as possible.
In sharp contrast to this lively and festive atmosphere, in this day when the Chinese pays the most attention to family reunion, there are still a group of women on the Internet who cannot return home and can only nest in the hotel to welcome the arrival of the New Year.
"Just now my mother asked me cautiously and in a consultative tone if Chinese New Year's Eve could I stay at the hotel for one night. Because of the new house my family bought, I am a married girl and divorced. Do divorced women really have no home? ”
An anonymous woman's tree hole contribution made netizens feel angry through their mobile phones, and more distressed.
How many grievances and sadness are there to be willing to tell strangers about their worst side?
Unexpectedly, this submission is only the tip of the iceberg.
It turns out that there are still many women who have been kidnapped by the folklore that "they can't go back to their mother's house after divorce". The plight they face in real life is far more difficult than homelessness.
They have a hard time returning home
In many places, the word "divorce" is an invisible killer that is more lethal than nuclear radiation and more unpreventable than viruses.
As long as you are close to a divorced woman, it will become unhappy.
Because in their consciousness, the water splashed by the married girl, if she returns to her mother's house after divorce, is a "dog who has lost her family".
It will not only shame the mother's family on the face and be poked in the spine, but also affect the brother's business fortune, make the unmarried brother not good for marriage, and make the brother and sister-in-law's marriage disharmonious.
In order not to be infected by this "root of all evil", the mother's family worked together to isolate the divorced woman from their own door.
The night before the Chinese New Year's Eve, the divorced woman who was thrown out of the house by her parents and sister-in-law did not hesitate to pull down her face, crying and begging her ex-mother-in-law's family to take her in for one night.
It's just the hope that on the day of the family reunion, there will be a bed for her to sleep.
The eldest sister, who is also a woman, did not refuse, because she knew that a divorced woman had no maiden family to rely on.
Source: Sina Weibo
Some sisters-in-law, after learning that their sister-in-law had divorced before the Spring Festival, took the initiative to persuade her mother-in-law to take her home to celebrate the New Year together, but they were flatly refused.
Don't ask, it's unlucky to ask, obscure!
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The brother of a compatriot of a milk, in the morning of the Chinese New Year's Eve night, regardless of the wind and snow outside, also had to wake up the divorced sister and blast out the door.
Just afraid of being affected by her, their business and financial luck in the new year.
In order not to embarrass her parents, the woman who was thrown out after the divorce could only cry a few times in the hotel bathroom by the sound of the water running in the bath.
After crying, he had to bite his teeth and swallow into his stomach, forcing a smile to support the family for his children.
How long after divorce can be "washed ashore", this answer no one can say accurately. The impact of the word divorce on fame and luck is probably more ferocious to them than the sequelae of the virus.
So much so that some people asked on Douban: You can't go back to your mother's house for the New Year after divorce, is there such a saying in your family?
A girl in our village did not go home for the Chinese New Year for ten years after the divorce.
Her sister didn't know how this girl, who was rejected by her parents, lived in the past ten years.
But I can imagine that whenever the night of Chinese New Year's Eve comes, listening to the explosion outside, watching the Chinese New Year's Eve rice posted by others in the circle of friends,
Remembering that among the bustling lights of thousands of homes, none of them were lit by me.
This deep crowd, the feeling of loneliness and abandonment, is enough to destroy a person who has already been injured.
It was supposed to be a happy reunion festival, but it was a sad year for them.
What blood is thicker than water, what flesh and bones, in the face of ignorance and refined self-interest this layer of window paper, all vulnerable.
And it's not just the Spring Festival, they will be treated differently. In the Dragon Boat Festival and Mid-Autumn Festival festival such as family gathering, divorced women can only wander around.
In fact, from the moment they chose to take the step of divorce, the door of their mother's home has been closed to them.
After the divorce, the former boudoir was changed into a utility room by the mother. When I came back, my identity had changed to that of a guest, and whether I could stay overnight depended on the host's face. This sense of humility under the fence is really poignant.
There are too many such examples. In some cities, even women who are happily married after remarriage cannot spend the Spring Festival at their mother's house.
And really retrospectively, the real culprit that makes these divorced women homeless is the stigmatization of divorce in addition to their families.
Stigmatized divorce
Under the news that "only 17 days after the woman had a miscarriage, she was filed for divorce by her husband", there was such a shaky comment.
Source: Sina Weibo
And such "righteous passers-by" are not a minority.
Almost every amateur divorce incident that has been on the hot search, there will be a few netizens who are drunk and awake, as if hiding under the bed of the party, fabricating various details, occupying the moral high ground for women who are not at fault, and arranging some trumped-up charges.
There are also people, with a touch of the upper and lower lips, they can create a bloody drama of "a woman cheating and being caught in bed, and the husband hates divorce". I can't help but say that I have to button a few Pan Jinlian hats for the divorced woman.
Source: Sina Weibo
Or without evidence and evidence, relying on a sentence of "unknown full picture, no comment" and "a slap does not sound", secretly rubbing the facts in the direction of conspiracy theories, in order to prove that divorced women, none of them are innocent.
Making yellow rumors for divorced women is a common practice for them.
These "righteous passers-by" who do not ask about the cause and consequence, and cannot distinguish between the merits and the merits, rely on brain compensation and natural malice towards divorced women, and take their own stereotypes as the standard, and make the final judgment of the divorce case.
The verbal loan trial of divorced women is the highlight of this rabble carnival.
And women who choose to divorce just for personal happiness become the most innocent and perfect victims at the same time, but also live under the tongue of others as the guilty party of infidelity.
Not only do ordinary women face accountability and discrimination from public opinion, relatives and friends when facing divorce, but even public figures who have more say and resources cannot escape the humiliation of marriage.
The marriage of Song Hye Kyo and Song Joong Ki, the Asian national CP, lasted less than 2 years from beginning to end.
So far, the inside story and real reason for Shuangsong's divorce have never been made public, and no one else knows it except the parties.
But after the divorce, the man not only quickly regained his popularity. In the hot search comments of the new love again, netizens were full of blessings. Congratulations to him for finding his second spring so quickly, and the double harvest of career and love.
Source: Sina Weibo
But on the woman's side, after the divorce, it was continued to be created by groundless netizens for many years.
Source: Sina Weibo
Three years later, a gossip that caught the wind, regardless of the truth or falsity of the news source, netizens also had to make up their brains:
Seeing that her ex-husband officially announced his new girlfriend, he couldn't wait to find his next home; Take revenge by remarrying one step ahead, declare that you will not admit defeat, etc...
Worried that Song Huiqiao will not be wanted after the divorce, her sister really doesn't know what to say about this netizen.
Source: Sina Weibo
In the eyes of the general public, divorce is a lifelong stain and shame for a woman.
A divorced woman deserves more fault than her ex-husband. And because retribution is unhappy, divorced women are more miserable than their ex-husbands.
They can accept a man's marriage failure, but they cannot accept a woman being divorced.
Treating divorce as a "black history" that cannot be erased, these outrageous operations stem from the stigmatization of divorce.
The folklore that disappears
"Divorce", which has symbolized the freedom of marriage and an important feature of social progress in the past hundred years, has made women bear countless guilts in the eyes of some people, allowing them to live in the eyes of others for life.
In the folk customs of many places, the honor guard who handles big scenes such as marriage and marriage must have an "all-round person".
What is All Human?
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As the name implies, "all people" must be a perfect person who has no experience of divorce and widowhood, husband and wife love, good health, no illness or disaster, parents and in-laws are alive, children are complete, brothers, sisters, uncles and aunts and sisters get along harmoniously.
Only such a "full person" is worthy of the important task of welcoming the bride and bathing the newborn in a festive and peaceful ceremony.
"Yanxi Raiders"
And women who have had an unhappy marriage, in addition to lacking the aura of holiness of "full man", also means that they lose the right to participate in all rituals on various important occasions.
Because they have been divorced, when they participate in the preparation of happy events, they will also bring their bad luck to the scene and spread their misfortune to the couple through the divorce certificate. Let their future married life be difficult to ensure smooth peace.
This kind of passing on one's own fault to others. The custom of pushing all the misfortunes and grievances of real life onto an outsider.
Even if it has been in the land of China for hundreds of years, her sister still has to say those two words:
Absurd!
For the deification of all people, in addition to the ordinary people's longing and yearning for a happy life, it also secretly confirms that many people cannot control their future destiny, let alone face the difficulties and variables that may be encountered in life.
And the divorced woman has become the back-pot man of the origin of all tragedies.
So, in this collective trial of divorce stigmatization.
Divorced women who are not "all-human" have to face more dilemmas, as well as prejudice and discrimination, than they cannot go home during the Spring Festival.
At the wedding, as a couple's palace backlash, they have to eat at a separate table. They must also be repeatedly told not to sit in the couple's bed, so as not to affect the couple's relationship.
At home, divorced women cannot pay New Year's greetings to relatives and friends for three years, and be careful to spread the obscurity of widowhood and loneliness.
Even after death, he cannot enter his mother's grave. In case the saying "there is a daughter's grave next to the ancestral grave, and the descendants are inferior to others" comes true.
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In the old Xianglin sisters, decades after disappearing, there are still people who adhere to rotten and ignorant folklore, and package discrimination and prejudice as malicious shields in human nature.
Again, the freedom of marriage is a right granted to everyone by law, and it is also the most intuitive embodiment of a civilized society.
When the relationship is drying up, divorce or not is only a relatively important choice in the countless crossroads of life.
Whether the choice is to advance or retreat, it should be respected and blessed.
And those meaningless traditional folklore, let them dissipate in the dust of history.