*Title source: Question 4 of this issue of Micro-Q&A
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Question 1
Keyword: liabilities
Dear doll, thank you for always pointing out the lamp-like words.
My husband met on a blind date: 91 years / 175 / 80kg / junior college, he was independent, I was his first love, a free man without a house and a car, and his father was laid off from a state-owned enterprise in his early years. He has been married for three years and his son is two years old.
My in-laws are enlightened and do their best to help with the children, my husband and I ended this year, he asked me for money, failed to start an online store, and was idle for eight months.
Now I have been working for four months without paying my salary, and I have paid for his living expenses. My husband has a sweet mouth, he looks good in my blind date, and he appreciates people and makes me learn and grow.
Now because my father-in-law and husband lent money to my husband and uncle, my uncle's company is bankrupt, and it is now known that more than 300,000 yuan are owed to outsiders, and the court has already come to seal the house. In addition, the old fair spends lavishly, only eating meat and not vegetables, which is far from my various living habits. I also like to play games and am not motivated, and I haven't learned my driver's license until now.
Enquire now
(1) Whether I lent money to my father-in-law to pay off the debt, and if so, how much to borrow
(2) Whether the divorce is acceptable, or when my son is three years old and goes to kindergarten, I can have time to take him and then divorce.
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answer
Before answering your question, it is recommended that you go to Baidu to take a look at the two keywords of "child suicide rate", and you can see which occupations have the highest child suicide rate.
In addition to the problem of parent-child relationship, if you are an old fan, if you insist on watching micro-Q&A for a year or two, you can see that on our platform alone, the probability of emotional crisis in certain types of occupations is quite large, definitely exceeding most other professions.
Why are people in this type of profession prone to emotional problems, and children prone to suicide?
Because this type of person has a higher social status, but they are easy to bring the habit of saying everything at work to life unconsciously. For the partner, it may be strong and domineering, always extorting emotional values; For children, it may be strict control and oppression all the time. Therefore, neither partners nor children can get along with them for a long time. This may also be an occupational risk.
The reason why I put aside your question and tell you so much first is that I hope you can realize that from your professional risks combined with your experience, you may be a difficult person to get along with.
And if this type of people need interpersonal communication, they need to maintain long-term relationships, and the only way is to exchange other advantages.
After all, there are so many likable people, if you want to compete with them, you have to have other excellent skills.
After knowing this underlying logic, let's look at your problem.
You are "a teacher who has an average monthly income of 6,000 in the repayment of a second-hand house loan before marriage", your husband is a free man without a house or car", and "My husband and I ended this year, he asked me for money, failed to start an online store, and was idle for eight months." Now I have been working for four months without paying my salary, and I have paid for his living expenses. In addition, "my husband has a sweet mouth, he is a good look in my blind date, and he appreciates people and makes me learn and grow." ”
Have you ever wondered why in most families, the man pays for the house, but in your relationship, you pay for the house?
Combined with the underlying logic mentioned earlier, you should understand by now. The fundamental reason why you can find such a sweet-mouthed, best-looking husband in blind dates, who treats people and things to make you appreciate and allows you to learn and grow is that in your relationship, you pay a lot and need to pay for it all the time.
To put it bluntly, this husband "bought" it by spending more money on you. And you appreciate his treatment of people and let you learn and grow, which depends on you "paying tuition".
So, when you ask "do I lend money to my father-in-law to pay off my debts, and if so, how much", there is no standard answer to the question. Whether to borrow or not can only be decided by yourself, and I can only tell you the consequences corresponding to borrowing or not.
If you promise to borrow money, then your relationship can continue to be maintained, you can still stay in the relationship, you have always had a husband, the child has always had a father, and the in-laws can always help you with the child, but you have to be prepared to help your husband pay off the debt in the future.
If you refuse to borrow money, then you are likely to be out of the relationship, it is only a matter of time. Because in the end, this relationship can only be maintained by you spending money, with your personality, other people may not get along with you at all, if you can't pay money to exchange, then why continue to stay in the relationship?
As for whether to divorce or not, this is not a question for you to consider. You "earn an average of six thousand a month", and your position in this relationship is difficult to stabilize. Your husband is good-looking, sweet-mouthed, and good at dealing with people, if he has the intention to find someone with a higher income than you to replace you (incorrect but normal), is it difficult?
It is not easy for you to enter a long-term relationship and have a marriage and a child. Let me ask, can you look for it again after leaving this marriage, may you find someone who is willing to spend money for you, and do you have the ability to raise your children alone?
A girl like you who is likely to have a difficult personality will definitely give you a corresponding gift, that is, your drilling strength and toughness, especially suitable for achieving results at work. If you can fight and compete like a grandfather, and then be a good economic pillar of the family like a grandfather, it is entirely possible to harvest a happy and stable family.
Old fans advanced
Question 2
Keyword: parental objection
Dear baby sister, hello, thank you for seeing my problem in your busy schedule, my boyfriend and I have known each other on a blind date for more than 2 months, and I talked with my parents and was unanimously opposed.
The situation on both sides is as follows:
Female, 32, stone female, medical post, 166 53 kg personality quiet graduate student parents, teachers in the hometown system in second-tier cities; Down payment for a suite at home
Male 32, Stone Scissors male, medical post 170 70 kg Lively and humorous Parents Small business in second-tier cities
At present, come to the first line, a set of down payment 70% small house investment in the urban area. At present, my family is very opposed and feel that the conditions between the two sides do not match, I have not yet talked to my boyfriend about his family's financial strength, his career is currently suffering a major setback, and he may change his guard during the transition period.
He has an interesting personality, his body appearance is the type I like, and when we talk, the two of them are more romantic, but my parents are against it, feeling that there are too many uncertainties in reality, and I am afraid that I will not be suitable this year and cannot get married.
Please ask the baby sister how do I communicate with my boyfriend, let my parents rest assured in the future, boys love beauty, like to dress up themselves, and hope that I love beauty and wear clothes. Please ask whether this relationship persists or gives up, thanks
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answer
You have a big misunderstanding of attributes, both of you, girls are not stone women, and boys are not stone scissors men.
The real situation is: he is a scissor man, and you are a cloth woman.
The problem with your relationship is not that your attributes do not match, and that your cloth nature cannot hold his shears. This is the crux of your relationship and the reason for your parents' opposition.
Your parents said that "I think there are too many uncertainties in reality", and this is quite true. You can observe that if it is an official match, except for the stone cloth woman and the cloth cutting man, generally the family will not object. Only non-official matches, as well as stone cloth women and cloth scissors, the family will object, but at this time, girls are more righteous, thinking that "true love is invincible".
The information you give is limited, and there is no way to judge all your attributes for the time being. But to be honest, the rock-cissor man has no interest in stone women, at least all the rock-scissors I know. Your blind date is closer to the scissor man, and you can't convince him to go from "romantic" to "reassuring his parents in the future." You can think of scissors as a child, how do you make a child who is still in the stage of loving beauty become mature and confident to carry a home?
Listen to your parents well, it's okay for you to talk about love, it's not appropriate to get married. If you want to get married, you must find a responsible and family-oriented person, not an "interesting personality" and "romantic one", otherwise most of them are short-term marriages.
Question 3
Keyword: off-site
Dear baby sisters and assistants, hello! Thank you very much for your guidance, I learned a lot of things. This time I would like to ask you about how to minimize the risk of off-site location? (Or how do you get your husband to end up in a different place?) ）
I am 156 tall, weigh 86-90 pounds, undergraduate, and after resigning from the bank, I am currently an employee of the political and legal system, with an annual salary of about 60,000.
My husband is 175 tall, his weight is 150-160 floating, junior high school, hometown gym owner, annual salary is unstable, currently above 20+.
We were elementary school classmates, we pursued me since elementary school, and we didn't get together until I graduated from college and met him renewed, and it has been 10 years since I was in love and marriage in August this year, and my daughter is 6 years old at the end of the year.
My husband has always liked to work in his hometown, he feels that relatives and friends are doing things in his hometown are more convenient and comfortable, I understand it, but the education problem in my hometown is very old, so because of the education problem of our children, we bought a new house in the city, and after the handover and decoration this year, I will take my children to elementary school, but not only because my husband likes to live in my hometown, but also his work can only be in his hometown county (the county seat is within 1 hour's drive from our new home city)
So we are about to face a different place, and I was very anxious because of the frequent quarrels in the other place.
I would like to ask the baby sister, how can I minimize the risk of being in a different place? Or how can I work hard to get my husband to be willing to develop his business to the city and end up in a different place? Photo hiding, thanks!
answer
For women, there are generally two choices, the first is to live the life of a traditional woman, and the second is to live the life of a modern woman.
The traditional life of a woman is that the man raises the family, and the woman marries a chicken and a dog with a dog. The original text of the phrase "marry a chicken with a chicken and marry a dog with a dog" is actually "marry a beggar with a beggar, marry with a beggar", which means that even if a woman marries a very old man or a beggar, she must follow her for a lifetime.
If you choose the life of women in the new era, that is, to pursue equality between men and women, and have more right to speak, then girls are bound to give up the expectation of the man to support the family, work hard to earn money, share the family, and at least make the income similar to the man's.
Now you want your husband to make good money to support the family, and you want to decide where to settle down, and you also want your husband to listen to you and follow your pace, in other words, the benefits of traditional women's life you want, the benefits of modern women's life you also want to occupy.
Let me ask: Why is your husband so miserable, having to bear the obligations of traditional men and the disadvantages of men in the new era? Is he a fool who loves to suffer?
You ask, "How can I minimize the risk of being offsite?" and the answer is to end offsite.
Or, you go back to your hometown, be a good traditional woman (petrified), the family is at ease together, whether poor or rich, whether good times or bad, always accompany your husband, no complaints;
Or, you will stand up as a good female cloth, take out the ability of cloth women to compete, become the economic pillar of the family, whether your husband works or not, you can afford to raise him, and willing to raise him all the time, then your husband will be willing to come to you and end the long way.
You are now "about 60,000 a year", if you choose to go back to your hometown to live a traditional female life, your income will be passable, even if it is halved, there is no problem; If you want to live the life of a modern woman, then your 60,000 is far from enough, at least add a zero to the back. You can think about whether it is easier to add zero to your income or easier to be a traditional woman, and weigh it up. You can't have both fish and bear's paw.
Question 4
Keyword: mate selection
Dear baby sister, good analysts and assistants ~ I wish everyone a happy new year in advance, a smooth and prosperous new year, and getting better and better~
Height 168cm, 55kg, not alone, rural family, no help or even in debt. In childhood, my father had hurt himself, and he still can't forgive him, so he only wants to stay away from his original family as soon as possible.
During the student period, he never fell in love, was admitted to 211 normal college, more women and fewer men plus at the beginning of the MV is low do not know how to improve, has not been in love, has not studied, in the graduate school entrance examination twice a year, failed the graduate school entrance examination, emotional loss, after suffering a loss, has been watching the theory of the doll sister to improve emotional intelligence, hoping to recognize himself.
The attached photo is the original picture, not put on makeup (mobile phone + camera), looking forward to the opportunity to get the answer of the doll sister and the analyst sister ~ thanks~
After failing the graduate school entrance examination, I am ready to work directly to improve myself, and I also want to study love with my heart, and the previous relationships are all with a large age difference, and recently this relationship even found myself being a junior during the relationship. At the same time, I also felt that my preliminary screening was very problematic, which led to my own pain.
I want to learn theory, practice more, and also want to know how I can improve my emotional intelligence, at least be smart in the early screening ~ hope to get guidance, gratitude~
answer
Generally speaking, young and beautiful girls have the highest right to choose a mate, but some girls are not beautiful, only young, matching the age object she can't look at, or there is no advantage in front of the age object, then, she will tend to find an object that is much different from her age, in this relationship, she can superimpose an age buff, with much younger than the other party, to exchange for the treatment that cannot be obtained from her peers.
And a girl, many relationships are with a large age difference, then there is a hidden possibility: peers have no way to get along with this girl, so she can only enter a relationship by superimposing age buffs to find objects much older than herself.
And you, most likely, are one of these girls who abuse their gender advantage.
Your photo also confirms this, your forehead is very high, originally I felt that my own forehead was already very high, but looking at your photo, your forehead is at least two centimeters higher than me, I really rarely see a girl with such a high forehead, coupled with your upper lip almost can't wrap the buck teeth, selfie eyes staring at the camera, just looking at the appearance is a very, very strong girl, no wonder your two love age difference is very large, the maintenance time is short ("talked twice a year in graduate school"), and will be "junior".
To put it bluntly, most boys dare not choose you for girls like you, as mentioned earlier, you can only find objects by superimposing age buffs, or only those boys who seek short choices, such as married men looking for juniors, can be good to you.
Professor David Bass (a famous professor of psychology in the United States, an authoritative scholar and leader in the field of evolutionary psychology) has found after studying the gender relations of people in dozens of countries and regions that when men look for short-term partners, their requirements in all aspects will be greatly reduced. Why? Because the short choice does not matter whether your MV is high or not, whether the cloth is heavy or not, there will be no result anyway.
Therefore, you "also suffered emotionally" and "your own early screening was very problematic, which led to your own pain", in the final analysis: you want the other half that you are far from worthy. You must at least fold the conditions of your ideal object now to meet a boy who chooses a single mate for you. (Source of the title of this issue)
These words may be difficult to hear, and I believe that you never thought of it, and no one else will tell you, and you may have a hard time accepting it for a while.
To be honest, I also thought about what I said, because you seem to be very clothed, and I am a little afraid that you will become angry or hate me after hearing the truth.
However, since you have come to me for help, to solve problems rather than to ask for emotional value, then I am willing to be a doctor who prescribes you bitter medicine, hoping that your "disease" will get better and live a "healthy and long" life. People's short-term interests are often the opposite of long-term interests, and if I say a few words casually, your problem will still not be solved.
In short, your current spirit is too high, and your ability is not enough. If you want a normal marriage, instead of being short-term chosen by the junior, reflect on yourself more, your initial setting of life, maybe you need to invest more time and energy in marriage, in order to get a long-term relationship, work hard, I hope you will bring happy good news next time.