The vast majority of men's desire for protection comes from here (and has little to do with MV)

*Title source: Question 3 of this issue of Micro-Q&A

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Question 1

Keywords: confinement centers 

Hello baby sister! I am a 34-year-old Shibu and I was fortunate enough to meet you to get married. Now half a year after marriage, I am also pregnant, I have encountered some confusion, I hope to be fortunate to get a little allocation, thank you very much. 

I came from an 18th-tier city, a small town as a problem solver, and after graduation, I went to a university to become a teacher. My mother at home is strong, my father is cowardly, and he quarrels all day long, and he complains to me whenever he quarrels.

My husband is a second-tier local, handsome and humorous, and he has skills, and I like him very much. If he hadn't had a short marriage history, it wouldn't have been my turn to marry him.

My mother previously disliked my husband for being a second marriage, disgusted that my in-laws were just ordinary workers, and then my husband's family took good care of me after my car accident, and she no longer obstructed. My husband is very busy, now I am pregnant, and my mother-in-law takes care of me with all her heart. 

The contradiction was that after I became pregnant, my mother-in-law told my parents: my in-laws planned to help me pay for the confinement center. I am especially grateful in my heart, because the father-in-law and mother-in-law are also ordinary families, very frugal, and the confinement center costs 3-5w, which is quite a lot of money. However, my mother secretly said afterwards that it was not good to go to the confinement center, it cost a lot of money, my mother-in-law would be unhappy, and told me not to go to the confinement center. 

I am the only daughter in the family, my parents are retired, and my pension is not low, and I have not lost face to them by taking scholarships all the way to the top2. Parents should be happy to see that their in-laws are good to their daughters.

I was puzzled and wanted to ask my sister, why doesn't my mother like others to be nice to me? I also hope to have a parenting investment from my mother's family, how can I get along with my parents?

answer

Some people have been exposed to the rain themselves and want to hold up umbrellas for others; And some people have been exposed to the rain themselves, and they hope that others will be hailed twice. Your mother may be one of those people.

However, to be honest, the extra part of the confinement center and the confinement sister-in-law can provide more emotional value. Confinement centers are a necessity for girls who are difficult to get along with, who always have conflicts and conflicts with others, and who have a special need for emotional values. Such a girl, it will be better to go to a confinement center, because if she is at home during confinement, it is easy to have a big conflict with her in-laws and husband, which is not conducive to marriage.

Judging from your question, you get along well with your in-laws, and there is no need to go to the confinement center yourself. But since your in-laws offered to "pay for my confinement center", then you accept it, hold the idea of "this is not something I need, but my in-laws are willing to give me the best for everything", be grateful, be filial to your in-laws, and don't care too much about your mother's thoughts.

Question 2

Keyword: mate selection 

Hello sister, I have learned a lot from following you during this time, thank you for your continuous output to sober up and establish a correct self-awareness. If you can win the lottery, I am very grateful and I wish you a happy life! 

Female: 24,161,48kg, a pear-shaped body, undergraduate, partial assistant clerical work monthly income of 3.5k, first-tier cities alone, ordinary family parents and employees have retired with pensions, one-room self-residence. I work more seriously, my mouth is a little woody, my emotional intelligence is not high, I have few friends, and I feel that I am not good at maintaining long-term/intimate relationships.

Parents have a bad relationship and often quarrel, sometimes even fights are more like men cutting cloth and women, and I feel painful and afraid to argue with people when I quarrel at home. Now ready to grab the blind date and find the right partner as soon as possible. 

Looking forward to each other: the economic conditions are a little better than mine, no bad habits. I don't care much about appearance, I want to know what kind of blind date can I find (or what kind of attribute boys)?

There are too many excellent young ladies and sisters around me and feel pressure, I don't have any family background, I am mediocre in all aspects, which aspect should be more suitable for development, and can I get a long-term choice?

Thank you again for the platform you have built, I really feel so lucky to be able to contact your theory at the critical time of mate selection, and I will continue to study hard and continuously improve myself. Refill sister and all the little fairies~

answer

You look white and clean, look quite handsome, and you are only 24 years old, in the golden mate selection period, if you can maintain the current stone state, actively go on a blind date, I believe you can find a good object.

Also, two suggestions for you:

1. Wear a long skirt that wears more knees, and try to avoid wearing the kind of short skirt in the photo you sent. With your appearance, wearing a short skirt will only raise your PU, and there is no improvement in your MV, on the contrary, the long skirt is more suitable for you and can increase your pure and gentle temperament.

2. Improve your culinary skills. If you can make a good dish and are also good at baking, it will be a great help to your mate selection. For example, when you go on a blind date, you can bring some exquisite pastries made by yourself as small gifts to each other, which will greatly enhance the other party's good impression of you; For example, when you are in love, you can often change your tricks at home to make food for your boyfriend, or easily make a family banquet to entertain relatives and friends, which will help you reap the man's long-term choice faster.

As long as the stone woman gives full play to her stone nature and keeps her PU low, she will be very popular with cloth men, but you must also control yourself, don't change stone cloth over time, cheer well.

Question 3

(Source of the title of this issue)

Keyword: protectiveness 

Hello sister and assistants, have been silently paying attention to the micro-Q&A, if you are lucky enough to win, you are very grateful. 

Male 87 years Height 165 Weight 60kg Graduate student monthly salary 13K Non-solitude 

Female 89 years Height 160 Weight 55kg College Monthly salary 7K is not alone

After being introduced to my family, I came from the first line to the third line where he was, he was easy-going, a little foolish, and I had a quick temper and integrity.

He gave birth to a daughter, his parents preferred sons to daughters, and he suffered a lot of grievances, and he did not help me. After the second child gave birth to a boy, my mother-in-law changed something to me. My mother-in-law did not want to come to the city, and now I take the eldest (kindergarten middle class) with me in my hometown. 

When we first met, he would give some gifts, I would usually give back higher-priced gifts, and after marriage, he would also manage his own money, he was responsible for the mortgage and part of the living expenses, and I was responsible for the children's expenses. I basically make decisions about everything in the family, my vision and execution are stronger than his, and I am also very reliable. 

My problem is that I have always been unprotective, and I usually communicate with me if I have something to say and don't contact. If the two quarrel, there will be a cold war. The first photo is an art photo of when they were first together 7 years ago, and the second is an art photo of the second child (May Day last year).

His appearance and weight have hardly changed, and I have gradually become a middle-aged woman, and my weight has not returned to before pregnancy, and now I have time to put on a mask or something, and I plan to lose weight, but he feels that it is not necessary.

Please ask Sister Wa how I can improve my temper and how can I get protection.

answer

You ask, "How can I improve my temper now, how can I get protection?" is actually asking the same question.

The desire to protect is not entirely based on the MV, but more importantly, how the woman's PU is. You can see that the appearance of the stones is not high, but the cloth is very protective of them. When the woman's PU is lower, the other party's desire to protect you will be stronger. After all, everyone will want to protect those who are weak, and no one wants to and does not want to protect those who are impatient, fierce, and quarrel. You see in the cartoon, everyone needs big and strong Dabai to protect, who wants to protect Dabai.

Specific to you, when can you lower the PU, no longer strong ("I basically decide everything in the family"), no longer self-righteous ("the vision and execution are stronger than him, and the work is also very reliable"), less quarrels with your husband, and say more things that your husband likes to hear, then he will naturally be more willing to approach you, and avoid the situation that "usually communication is also something to say that there is nothing to contact" again. In the long run, the other party's desire to protect will slowly increase.

It is harder for a girl with a temper to get protection than if you lose weight from 55kg to 40kg at once. Your temper needs to be reborn to get closer to what you want. Cultivate well, you lack too much.

Old fans advanced

Question 4

Keyword: ex 

Hello baby sister, thank you for making me change a lot. This time is a follow-up to the previous question.

I was 92, 150/90. Undergraduate, annual income of about 100,000, stone cloth.

He was 88 years, 178/160. Graduate students, with an annual income of 600,000. Ready to quit your job and start a business, Cloth. 

Both are rural families, not alone, working in the same tier city. Paid blind date acquaintance.

Self-awareness is seriously high, so WeChat chat has been low PU, rarely chat. He looked for me for more than half a year. That is, the third time we met, holding hands I refused to forcibly kiss me, and I was shocked. But he explained that he really wanted to get married. There is no emotional concentration and emotional value during the relationship.

Less than a month was forcibly had sex (dates were taken to private cinemas, karaokes, deliberately drank while driving far away to eat and said they could not drive to hotels).

After a business trip, he said that others were looking for Xiao J, he was not good not to find, but there was no intersection with KTV. It was said that people are animals, men and women do not do those things, I am a person who has fun in time, and I am tired of playing with words that I want to get married, so I judge that he has found Little J more than once.

No mobile phone is shown, no substantial evidence. Coupled with the pressure of entrepreneurship, poor living habits (drinking alcohol, staying up late and loving to eat high-oil and high-salt foods), there is family hereditary hypertension, and frequent dizziness. Machismo, to give birth to a boy, to listen to him in everything (without consulting the time of collection).

I think he is a rotten big apple, has broken up, WeChat deleted.

Ask questions, I want to get the analysis of the baby sister, I don't know whether my analysis and handling are correct, whether I am not doing well, and what should I pay attention to in the subsequent selection of a mate.

answer

You and this boy "paid blind date acquaintance", the other party is strong ("annual income of 600,000 is ready to resign and start a business"), anxious ("the third time we meet to hold hands, I refuse to forcibly kiss me", "less than a month was forced to have a relationship"), will "find little J", and "machismo, want to have a boy, listen to him in everything", "no emotional concentration and emotional value during the relationship", combined with this information, this boy is more likely to be a cloth man, he does not take care of your emotions at all, no wonder you can't bear it. Coupled with the fact that you are a stone cloth woman, the core attributes of the two of you are clothed together, which is really not suitable, and it will not last long if you are barely together.

You can't accept this guy, and it's okay to break up with him. But what you have to know is that a cloth man, he can not be regarded as a rotten big apple, at best a very sour apple, that is, it looks big and good looking on the surface (male and strong), but it tastes sour (polygamous), but as long as you eat it, it is still very nutritious (pro-casting).

The real rotten heart big apple is the cloth cut man. On the surface, they may look more glamorous than the cloth man and respect you very much, but there are more and more serious internal problems than the cloth man, such as polycouples, illegitimate children, du Bo debts, etc. This kind of rotten heart apple can only be seen, once "eaten", let alone supplement nutrition, it may also affect your physical health.

Having said all this, I want to tell you that if you don't work hard to change yourself, next time, in addition to encountering sour apples, you may also encounter the real rotten big apple. Because as a stone cloth woman, you will be attracted to boys with strong surface cloth, and inferior cloth cutting men can "understand you" much more than cloth men, and they also like to find stone cloth women like you.

Cultivate well, completely lower your mental qi, and see more boys that you couldn't look at before. They may not be much taller than you, or have a similar income to you, but only such a boy may be your reliable long-term choice.

In addition, I need to remind you that as a stone cloth woman, you no longer have the identity of chu, the surface stone nature is greatly reduced, and even the biggest advantage of choosing a mate has been lost, which is extremely dangerous. Because even a cloth cutter man, when you lack surface stone, will not be willing to choose you for a long time.

In short, with your current situation, the chances of being scammed are very high. In the future, we must pay more attention to the choice of mate, do not be carried away by emotional values, so as not to encounter pig-killing plates and short choices.

Question 5

Keywords: stone cloth 

Hello baby sister, following your theory and micro-quiz practice, seven years later, I, the mother-fetus stone cloth girl, actually got a happy marriage. I sincerely thank Sister Doll for her kindness and companionship. Recently, I have some confusion about Shibu's marriage and concepts, and I hope to be lucky enough to be selected to get the answer of the doll sister. 

I, 165/96, mid-second child 104. Tenka, in North America, 100 years old. In the Shibu family, parents are in great need of love, no help and no drag.

Husband, 169/142, Ivy League Ph.D., North America, age 60, rising. Cloth-cutting family, rich in assets, but determined to rely on themselves. The two MV attached photos and asked for hiding. Judge the husband to be a stone cloth. He takes care of children, loves to cook, takes care of housework and repairs, and respects my opinion. At the same time, good business ability, strong ambition, assertiveness, irritability, work first, independent overtime.

In getting along, I will pay attention to avoid strong aspects, his opinions are not principled differences, I usually say good, do not turn over old accounts, bad things happen to provide solutions first, do not question. On a daily basis, I will listen carefully to him talk about his work and his views on the current situation. Do not ask for a price, do not buy for no reason. Life now feels harmonious.

I want to ask the baby sister, if you can always control the expendable side of the cloth, can the stone cloth also have good results? After a few years of marriage, I don't need love and companionship more and more, and I don't worry about cheating and divorce. If I divorce in the future, I will be very happy if I don't have a baby, and I trust my husband to be good to my children. Is this the ultimate mentality? Is this idea that it is okay to continue a marriage or be apart at any time?

answer

Correct you a little before answering your question. I have said many times that Chinese girls in the United States are mostly stone cloth, but boys in the United States are unlikely to be stone cloth, and your husband is the same. It is difficult for a boy to read "Ivy League School Ph.D." all the way to "Ivy League School Ph.D." if he lacks a little shear. With such a strong migration ability, where could it be a male stone cloth? Male stone cloth no one whose English is very good.

In addition, you are a stone cloth woman and think that "life now feels harmonious", if it is really a combination of stone cloth man and stone cloth woman, how can it be harmonious? You come to the planet to see those stone cloth man posts, you slap him in minutes. When you feel very harmonious, it must be the other person moving forward with a scissor weight. Besides, you said that your husband "respects my opinion very much", which is exactly his scissiveness at play, if it is really a stone cloth man, it is difficult for the other party to respect your opinion, he will only ask you to respect his opinion.

Back to your question, "Can stone cloth also have good results?" The answer to this is yes, stone cloth is also good for stone cloth, and each attribute has its advantages.

For example, Filipino maids are basically stone cloth (long-distance migration + stone work), why are they particularly sought-after in the international labor market? It is because they can give full play to their good side (work ability) and do their stone work to the extreme. Therefore, on the one hand, they are particularly popular with employers, and on the other hand, because of their high income and stability (as opposed to working in their home country), they have a high status at home, even if they are away from their families for a long time.

I don't mean anything else in this example, I just hope that everyone will learn to find the bright spots and look for some strengths that we can learn from and learn from. What we have to learn from this kind of stone cloth is that strong cloth is not a problem, the key is to strive to use cloth sex in the right place and do the best thing in stone. (Note that there is no meaning for you to learn Filipino maids to do housework, but only to tell you that stone cloth also has particularly good stone cloth, and we want to learn this spirit)

For you, in doing what you call "getting along", I will pay attention to avoid the strong aspects, his opinions are not principled differences, I usually say good, do not turn over old accounts, when bad things happen, provide solutions first, do not question. On a daily basis, I will listen carefully to him talk about his work and his views on the current situation. Don't ask for a price, don't buy for no reason", it is best to share some more housework, practice cooking, raise children well, and further strengthen stone nature.

In addition, judging from the photos you sent, your appearance is not very bad, you can learn more makeup and dress up in the future, and after a good fight, your appearance should still be good. Especially in the United States, Chinese girls are better at finding people than boys.

All in all, as long as you bring up the MV further and strive to make the stone side as best as possible, you can live well, and your marriage can have a good result.

This is also the meaning of our learning theory, no matter which attribute, we must strive to carry forward the advantages of this attribute, and at the same time try our best to change the shortcomings of this attribute, and strive to become an excellent student in this attribute, so as to harvest a happier life.

If an attribute is not good in all aspects, and it is useless to learn, then what is the point of our learning? We work so hard to become a better version of ourselves.