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Margaret Mitchell's Gone with the Wind: "All that passes away with the wind belongs to yesterday, and all that has survived the wind and rain is the future." ”
People's mental space is limited, and in a long lifetime, it is necessary to clean up and release the spiritual space in a timely manner, so as not to be occupied by meaningless things.
As Sherlock Holmes said, "Stuff meaningless things into the brain, and meaningful things will be squeezed out, and the gain will not be worth the loss." ”
This kind of thing sounds very abstract, but in fact, it is like tidying up your own room, you need to break up. The difference is that when tidying up the room, the breakage is aimed at specific things, while when cleaning up the mental space, the breakage is aimed at the spiritual, mental, psychological, and emotional level.
It's not a simple job, because when cleaning up, you have to be able to distinguish between what makes sense and what doesn't. Only by grasping this key can we truly reduce the burden on the soul.
This is the most important thing to do when dealing with problem marriages, and after ending an unhappy marriage, otherwise there will be a lot of harmful things left in your mind, causing you stress and trouble.
The following man uses "renunciation" when dealing with his marriage, and let's listen to his story together.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
As a man, I can pay more for marriage, but completely let me pay alone, I can't do it, why?
I hate it most when someone says "good men spoil their wives unconditionally", and I think that's definitely what people who eat and are lazy say. Some people say that "if a man can't unconditionally spoil his wife, he will be alone", which is even more nonsense.
How old are the people who say this? Can they represent everyone?
People who blindly listen to this view are even more hateful, they have no opinion at all, they only know that they go with the flow, obviously have the hope of becoming a good wife, and must let themselves become a shrew, and they should be unhappy.
My ex-wife is such a person, and I hate it most when she reasons with hearsay, saying that she is denying me, as if she has no problems with herself.
She asked for money I gave, I bought the house, the mortgage has always been me to pay back, never spoke to her out loud, the requirements that should be met I have satisfied her, what else does she want? You can't always "think of a play is a play" for a lifetime, right? Am I not human? Don't I feel it? Do I have no needs? Don't I need to be satisfied? If I want to be like her, we can't get by?
Unfortunately, it didn't make sense to reason with her, she always felt that she was reasonable, and always thought that I had a problem. Every time I wanted to have a good talk with her, she said I was making excuses for myself, that I was not good to her and full of excuses.
What's even more egregious is that she deliberately betrayed me in order to punish me. I guess I heard what I said, and I wanted to use this method to blackmail me into compromising with her.
All I can say is that she miscalculated. Even if I can endure it and accommodate her, it is impossible to have no bottom line. Since she had to push me on the road to divorce, I would do as she wished.
What I didn't expect was that her mother's reaction was more intense than hers: "Why let my daughter get out of the house and return the marriage room!" ”
Why? Even if I want to help the poor at the spiritual level, it is really disgusting to want me to help the poor at the material level.
When she saw me refuse, she said a lot of things that were not good for my reputation, saying that if I didn't do what she asked, don't blame her for saying bad things about me in front of others.
I have a friend, because I love face, even if the fault is not in him, when divorced, I still gave the money and the house to the woman, but the result? The woman's family continued to discredit him.
I don't want to end up like this, anyway, how to be corrupt, it is better to be thick-skinned and leave yourself some retreat.
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
The "face problem" mentioned by the man is a malady that many people often have when dealing with marriage.
It is reasonable to say that people who make mistakes should love face, cherish feathers, and lower their posture, so as not to ruin their own personality. But the truth is often reversed, many people have not made mistakes, but for the sake of face, they dare not resist, do not dare to fight for their own things. In this way, only people with thick skin can be cheap.
This mentality must be unavoidable, and the skin should be thick.
You didn't make a mistake in your marriage, the other party betrayed you, what do you have to worry about? Just because you are afraid that the other party will say bad things about you, you voluntarily give up all your property? If you think you can shut the other person's mouth by doing so, all I can say is that you are too naïve and too inhumane.
Like the man said, even if you give each other money and a house, she will not read your good, but think that you are a bully, and after the divorce will wantonly corrupt you. In this case, your loss is too great.
If your face is too thin, you can't really "break away" because you have too many things to care about and worry about in your heart. Only by being thick-skinned and putting aside concerns can we rationally analyze what should be discarded.