Author/Child
A 30-year-old girl asked me this question: Is it really a disadvantage for a girl to have a house and a loan before marriage?
She has this question because she is the same situation, and for this reason, the blind date has failed many times. Although not every boy cares about her premarital house, at least more than half of the boys, knowing that she has bought a house and have a loan, are rejected.
The reasons for the boy's refusal, she also made the following generalization.
First, many boys have told her this sentence: Unless your house can be used as a marriage room.
In the boy's view, if her pre-marital house does not do a marriage room, her house is her business, and the boy has nothing to do with it, it is the girl's retreat and confidence left to herself, and even some boys directly say: Isn't it a calculation for you to buy a house?
In fact, she really didn't think about it so much. The down payment is her own savings, the house is not small, three bedrooms and a living room, she used to think that she did not have any good investment channels, she did not have a home in this city, the down payment was enough to buy. Her parents are in the county, she works in the main city, and has always been renting a house, so she bought a house herself. After buying a house, the provident fund can cover more than half of the mortgage, and the remaining mortgage expenses account for about one-third of her total income, in fact, for her personally, the pressure is not large.
Of course, she has not said more of these words, mainly because many boys have not asked more questions after hearing that she has a loan house, and directly adopted a negative way.
Second, there are also some boys who believe that the best way is for two people to buy a house together, or the man to buy a house for a mortgage, so that the woman's money can be used more for the family's expenses, if the family has a loan in both houses, then the economic pressure after marriage should be very large.
After all, whoever gets married is looking for someone who can make life relatively easier, at least not more stressful.
Therefore, her current conditions basically exclude some boys who have loan houses.
I asked her, if that's the case, why don't you try to find a guy who doesn't have a room? She said it was also difficult, she tried to find it this way, and targeted the kind of "small town problem maker" boy. Why is the town a problem solver? Because her own life is almost like this experience, the family conditions are average, her parents are honest workers, she is relying on hard work to come out, in the words of her parents, never have to be like them in the future, can only do some hard work. She is a heavy graduate, so there will be certain requirements for the academic qualifications of boys, she has not been able to find a man whose conditions are better than her own, compared to her more believe in the door to the door, hope to accompany their own people in the future, the past of the two people is almost the same, the future goals are also similar.
Therefore, she used to hope to find the kind of boy from the countryside, the original family is not very good, the parents may not be able to help the children to buy a house, this point she does not mind, she asks for the boys themselves to be down-to-earth, or lazy, to have a good character and three views, a sense of responsibility.
Such a request is simple to say, in fact, it is quite difficult to really practice, anyway, she met two or three boys of this type, and there was no end.
I asked why?
She said that mainly a little bit of unacceptable some ideas about it. She found that in fact, many boys from the countryside, the concept of marriage is easily affected by the previous generation, machismo is relatively serious, and it is easy to disagree when chatting. For example, a boy directly told her that the most important thing for girls is to look good and be young, is the value of fertility, unlike boys, whose appearance requirements can not be so high, as long as they can earn money, they can go home.
To tell the truth, the boy's view of "you can go home" deeply made her feel speechless, and also made her realize that this boy's attitude toward marriage is absolutely different from her, even if she reluctantly walks in, she will not be happy in the future.
The other two boys who meet her "small town to be a problemmaker" conditions, she does not mind that the other party currently has no room, but in the end, her age is actually mindd, probably the subconscious of the boy, always think that she chose her at this age, is a kind of loss performance, even if everyone is the same age, think she should compromise more things.
Anyway, I just never met the right person for each other.
In fact, I would like to say that in the marriage market, whether it is a boy or a girl, older or older, with a house or without a room, it is not an easy task to meet the really suitable person, there are many people who have met a lot of the opposite sex, but always because of one reason or another, they have always remained single. Not only girls, but also boys. It's normal and everyone has their own requirements. Not meeting that person is the norm.
There is nothing wrong with it, girls have their own loan house before marriage, to a certain extent, it can be said that the choice has become narrower, for some boys, they will not exist in each other's view of mate selection. But this is not to say that girls have a house before marriage, they can't find the other half, to put it bluntly, just change the scope of screening people.
At the same time, there are many boys who do not mind this, she can save enough for the down payment of the house at the age of 28, which can also reflect that her personal work ability is not weak, while spending money has its own plan, which is actually a plus in the eyes of many boys.
Therefore, having a house before marriage is a good thing, there is no need to doubt yourself or be vain, if anyone minds, this in itself is an inappropriate, and each other just quickly made a screening. And what she has to do now is to work well at the same time, constantly contact new people, expand her social circle, make reasonable judgments, make corresponding screening, and always meet the really right person.
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