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In the case of urban young people following the trend of "door-to-door" and lamenting that it is difficult to find objects, there is another category of people who are also looking for objects.
This group of people is middle-aged and elderly, and they become single for different reasons - according to relevant statistics, 27% of the elderly in China are widowed, and the number of groups reaches 47.48 million.
We also have to acknowledge the fact that single elderly people are a huge group, and they enjoy the same right to pursue love and marriage as young people.
This issue of Microscopic Stories focuses on older people who are blind dates, including:
Some people have been single for many years, and with the encouragement of their son, they have dated online through mobile phones, but they have met scammers and dispelled the idea of finding a partner;
Some people participated in blind date shows, but they could not bypass the property issue, and all three blind dates had failed;
Some people have been middle-aged and elderly matchmakers for many years, and they are accustomed to middle-aged women who do not want to get married and just want to fall in love, as well as middle-aged and elderly men who are eager to get married, and think that middle-aged and elderly blind dates are a process of fighting wits and courage.
Here are their true stories:
Text | Macondo, Wang Jiajia, Changningning
Edit | Always new
Participate in senior blind date programs
"If the other party does not have a pension and asks for a high-priced bride price,
I'm still alone and comfortable."
Guo Jianjun retired from the 50s in Guizhou
I am 66 years old and a retired employee of a passenger transport company. My wife passed away three years ago, and now my children have started a family, but I am not used to living with my children, so I spend most of my time in my hometown in Guizhou and live alone.
My only hobby is to meet up with a few anglers to go river fishing during the day. But after the excitement, I came home alone, not even having a hot mouth, and I felt lonely.
Some time ago, my child taught me to brush TikTok, and I watched other people's fishing videos every day and then followed along. In fact, playing fishing, mainly has a fishing friend who can chat occasionally, and does not need to spend money, which is a relatively healthy hobby.
My children occasionally pick me up to live in their city, but they all go to work during the day, and I have no friends there, I don't know much about housework, cooking, and my children's eating habits are different, and I still feel comfortable in my hometown after staying for a long time.
A place where you have lived for decades is home, even if you are alone.
But now that I am older, there are many physical problems, and there is a small illness and pain, and it is really troublesome if there is no one to take care of. But I immediately vetoed the idea of the children letting me go to a nursing home, and I always saw videos of caregivers abusing the elderly on the Internet, so I made up my mind not to go to a nursing home if I was killed.
So, I had the idea of finding a wife and told my children about it, but they didn't say yes or no, which was equivalent to acquiescence. At first, I found a lot of old marriage agencies, but the cost was not low, and I heard that the neighbor Lao Li was fooled and paid 500 yuan, but they were all unreliable introductions, and none of them succeeded.
By chance, I saw a local TV show specifically for the elderly, the key is free, it doesn't hurt to give it a try. I called and communicated with the person on the other side of the phone in detail about my situation and requirements.
After about half a month, I finally waited for the notice of the program group, found some suitable objects, and agreed to meet and record the program.
Later, the red lady and the film crew came to the house with an old woman surnamed Zhong as promised. She is 58 years old, used to be in the clothing business, speaks very crisply, usually likes to dance square dance, so she has a good figure and dresses very stylishly. Because of the fear of children, my husband passed away for many years and did not look for it again.
I was very satisfied with her, and the two of us sat down and talked by ourselves.
She asked me what I did before I retired, how my son and daughter were, and how much I earned now. I also answered enthusiastically. Also ask these questions to her, she has no pension, lives with her daughter, and the income is what her daughter gives every month, and if she gives more, she uses more, and if she gives less, she uses less.
Figure | A conversation between an old man and a blind date in the documentary "The Journey"
I was a little unhappy at this time, after all, she is unstable, she will be with me in the future, my daughter will definitely not give her money anymore, and all future expenses will be borne by me. Looking at the dress consumption is not low, I can't resist this pension, and I don't want to become her cash machine.
My wife is breast cancer, she wants to have a serious illness or something, her daughter doesn't care, what should I do? This is not a burden, and it must not be wanted.
She also saw it, and very sensibly proposed that she want to leave. I also didn't keep it, and the first blind date ended hastily.
The program team found me a second female guest surnamed Li, 63 years old, with a pension, and people can do it. This time also failed, I have no eye contact with her, she looks a little old, the folds on her face are even ah, not only that, but also very fat, can't walk.
The key, forget it yourself, she still dislikes me, saying that I am too short, a little hunched back, and not spirited enough.
The red lady also persuaded and matched on both sides, I really don't know what to match, I didn't look at it, what to persuade.
My third chance was Granny Zhang. She is 65 years old, has a pension of 5,000, and helps her daughter clean up the house after retirement. As soon as I arrived at my house, I helped him wash the fruit, it seemed that she was a person who lived a life, and I praised her to my face.
This caused the matchmaker to feel that the two of us had a drama, and the basic conditions met each other's requirements. Finally, the next step is whether to ask for a bride price and how much to dowry.
She felt that this was the sincerity of the man, how to look like it, proposed the bride price of 18888, I felt that the smile on my face disappeared, which is too high! She also said that when two people are together, they must get a license.
Saying what to ask for a bride price, what sincerity, everything is a blind eye, that is, it is nakedly asking for money. The old are not young people, and there are so many more, the key is to get a license.
In the future, if I go first, will this house be given half to her as an inheritance, or she will occupy this house, live and not leave, and the owner of this house will not be her children in the future, and the more I think about it, the more I feel wrong.
My house is my life's savings and sustenance, the key is that she did not contribute any part to the house, I bought it with my wife, so it should not be given to her and her children.
I kept mentally calculating that this "business" could not be done, and I felt panicked how to do it.
I directly refused her request and she was angry and left. The red lady wanted to match, chased her out, asked her attitude, and tried to dissuade her from leaving.
She said that it was not legal without a license, and said that I just wanted to find a free nanny. Washing and cooking, doing housework, and not wanting to pay, and saying that I will pick it, saying that I must subsidize the family in the future, and that she is not my mother, and that she will provide me as an ancestor.
I also watched the video of the program group to know, it's really infuriating, so I dare to say that two young people are fighting together, earning money together, spending together, equality between men and women, and the elderly don't want to be like this? Naturally, women also have to pay a little living expenses and do housework together.
After that, she still left angrily. My three blind dates ended in failure, and it is false to say that I am not lost, but I think I am not wrong.
But after seeing these few times, it was not without gains, and I became more aware of my requirements for finding a wife.
Those who have eyes, good health, no burden, pensions, people still have to be diligent, suitable for living, just live together, and those who have to get a certificate are too troublesome, and they can't ask for it.
The red lady said that such a request could not be found at all, and asked me to lower the demand. I still insist on my own ideas, and it's good to be able to find it, but I can't find it.
Looking for a wife, I can't make trouble for myself and my children, in this case, I would rather continue to live alone alone.
Men want to get married more than women
"Sexless marriage is unacceptable,
Hope to have another child"
Lin Rongyan retired post-60s Yichang
At present, the main "work" is to help single elderly people introduce objects
When we worked in the government in those days, we all had an unwritten rule: we should try to introduce young people in the unit to blind dates. After becoming a couple, I was often asked by colleagues to help me ask if there was a suitable person to introduce to my children.
After I retired, I joined the square dance scene, and there are still some people in their 50s who ask me to find a blind date, but most of them find a partner for myself.
I divide this group of blind dates into two broad categories:
The first category is that they are "not old" and still want to marry each other and even have children.
I once met a surgical chief in his 50s who divorced more than a decade ago. The daughter followed his ex-wife, the child has just started a family in recent years, and he does not need him to help take care of his grandchildren, he feels that life has completed a big thing, and he feels lonely, and asked someone to find me, saying that he wants to find a divorced or widowed partner in his 30s, and the other party can take the child.
I curiously asked the other party why he had to be in his 30s, and the other party told me that he hoped that the woman would still have fertility and could have a son with herself.
Figure | Jilin Satellite TV's elderly blind date program "It's Not Too Late" screenshot
The second category is those who have an average personal situation and hope to "climb the branches" by rebuilding their families.
For example, I met a widowed mother in her 50s, who hoped to find a leader who was more than 10 years older but had a little power, so that the other party could help her children who were about to graduate from college find a job, and at the same time she was very concerned about the other party's pension and the work unit where the children worked.
These two belong to those who cannot recognize their own status, and even if they look at each other, it is difficult to pass the threshold of their children.
After all, the sunset red blind date is a realistic door-to-door match.
In the past, Hubei Economic Vision "Peach Blossoms", a blind date program specifically aimed at middle-aged and elderly people, people who went on blind dates would put "retirement salary" in the first place, and many viewers expressed that it was difficult to accept and too money.
Figure | Hubei Jingshi blind date program "Peach Blossoms"
The reality is more cruel, after all, old age, there is no possibility of struggle, family situation, physical condition, age, pension, and even children will become the factors of the game.
Even, our introducers will ask each other to "verify the capital" before the blind date, mainly to see if the retirement salary they quoted is real and whether they are lying.
After so many years of introduction, where it can be successful, it is still "door-to-door", and there is little difference between the families of the two sides. For example, university teachers and civil servants pay similar salaries to each other, and agree on how to divide property before marriage.
At this age, everyone is more realistic, does not detour, and the conditions are quite high, so there are very few who can really successfully enter the marriage in the end.
At present, most older men want to get married more than older women, in addition to the reasons for the integration of children and families, more women will feel that they have served people all their lives, finally retired, have a salary, why do they have to be a half-way husband and wife to wronged themselves?
Therefore, many elderly women, the clear attitude is "it is okay to fall in love, it is okay to accompany each other, and marriage is free of talking."
This has led to many elderly people after blind dates, even if they fancy each other, they "only talk about love, not marriage".
Some friends around me also vacated their yard, put tables and stools to make a small water bar, for friends to fall in love and date use - many lesbians are also retired from the institution, afraid that they will contact too many gay men and be gossiped.
They are reluctant to invite others to their homes or to go to other people's homes, so they pay for tea and dates.
In contrast, gay men toss a lot. There are those who have gone on blind dates on the Internet, paid membership fees, and those who want to register on TV stations, but are dissuaded by their children, and some netizens want to go to Benxian...
Most of the old blind dates do not turn out very well, because most of them go with a strong "living" purpose - feel that the other person is good, eat a few meals and want that person to take care of themselves, like looking for a "paid nanny".
This industry has been going on for a long time, and I have also summed up the characteristics of twilight love - that is, the two sides fight wits and bravery, and the smart side can profit.
Elderly blind date "pig killing plate"
"After being deceived once,
My dad is even more anxious to find a partner."
Mr. Hu Suzhou Security Engineer
My mother died ten years ago, and my father has been living alone in his hometown since then, and he is now 65 years old.
During this time, I tentatively asked him if he would feel lonely, and indirectly expressed that I didn't mind him finding another wife.
But my father vetoed this proposal every time, and he felt that it was too troublesome to re-run with one person and then with the other party's family.
A few years ago, Chinese New Year's Eve, our family of three accompanied my father to eat Chinese New Year's Eve. Before I was halfway through the meal, the company suddenly called me to rush back to Suzhou in the second year of junior high school, saying that there was some problem with the network and I needed to work overtime to solve it. As soon as the phone hung up, I saw my father's somewhat disappointed eyes.
He didn't express his reluctance explicitly, but kept stressing that "work is important", and then busied himself with adding food to me. It was also at that moment that I suddenly felt my father's loneliness and that he was "really old."
So, after the overtime in the second year of junior high school, I immediately downloaded several social apps for the elderly, wanting to help him find a partner. At the same time, I also looked for someone in the local forum and added a QQ group for local elderly blind dates.
However, I did not expect that blind dates for the elderly are far more complicated and realistic than I thought.
At first, I saw that a few old ladies in the next town were suitable, so I sent them private messages asking for photos. Unexpectedly, the other party asked me a few "fatal questions" as soon as they came up: Is there a pension? Is there a house? How many children are in the family? Can you live independently?
These aunts don't seem to care about my father's appearance, personality, let alone hobbies, but much more directly than young people on blind dates.
After squatting in the group for a long time, I understood the points that the aunts were interested in, because I was busy with work, I simply bought a mobile phone for my father, taught him to register an account, and let him mix it himself.
I also told my father, "Write your pension directly in the personal description of 3500 yuan, so that someone will directly add you."
Over the next few months, my father became obsessed with using WeChat. At first, he replied to me in a timely manner, occasionally opening a video to ask to see his grandson, and then suddenly for a few days, he stopped looking for us.
As soon as I asked, I learned that many hometown aunts took the initiative to add my father to understand the situation, and he had already chatted well with one of them, and he had been chatting with her on WeChat recently.
The other party said that he was a Chinese teacher, had a son at home, and had been living alone since he was widowed five years ago. I thought it was a good condition, so I let my dad chat with her online.
As a result, one night, my dad suddenly called me and said that he had been scammed.
It turned out that the information provided by this old lady was all fake. Seeing that her father was hooked, she kept instilling the desire to spend her old age with him, and then said that she was not good, and asked her father to send her money to buy some health care products, asking for nearly 20,000 yuan.
Father's old colleague noticed something was wrong and told his father to beware of scammers. At this time, he came to his senses and asked the old lady for an ID card and phone number, but the other party directly did not reply to the message and blocked his father.
I comforted my father on the phone, "Now young people are deceived by online chats, you are still good, sober up in time, stop loss in time", my wife advised him, "There are still many good old ladies, but you haven't met them."
No matter how I listened, it was like I felt like we were persuading a lovelorn young man.
After a month, my dad took the initiative again, taking the bus to the city park every three to five to find his wife. I thought to myself, or your high pension, put it on other old men, this is not a liver sausage.
Although this incident caused my father to lose, it also changed his mind. He is now focused on finding a wife, and it is estimated that he will not be too lonely in his old age.