01
All encounters are fate.
Two people who have never known each other, met, and fell in love and married, which is a rare fate.
As the parents of a small couple, they must be happy to blossom in their hearts - hoping for the stars, hoping for the moon, children have a small family, and then they have big fat grandchildren.
All people expect their children to be happy in life, but the actual practice is often "counterproductive". The phrase "I'm all for your own good" is obviously outdated and will become an emotional bondage.
As the saying goes, "Distance makes beauty." ”
If you want everyone to live well, there must be a distance between people. We all understand the truth, but how to do it, we may not be able to understand.
As a relative, it is recommended that you better not do the following four things, keep a distance from both space and emotion, and truly give the initiative and decision-making power of marriage to your children.
02
First, don't be picky: the shortcomings of each other's children should be pleasing to the eye.
Husbands and wives should love each other and respect each other.
Love will make the distance between two people smaller and smaller, and "respect" will make two people always maintain a certain degree of freedom.
By analogy, when family members interact, they should also respect and love each other. Love cannot lead to "disrespect."
There is a way to see people, called "seeing flowers in the fog". From a distance, a person's appearance and silhouette are very beautiful, but if you look closely, the other person's face will have dust, perhaps freckles, pores are also very large, uncomfortable.
In the TV series "The Age of Little Couples", there is such a clip: Dai Coco took her boyfriend Xu Hang to meet her parents, and the family ate at a restaurant.
Dai Coco's mother said: "My daughter, smart and beautiful, can sing, can dance... It's always been my pride. I was thinking that even if my daughter didn't marry into the rich, she would have to find someone with status. Unexpectedly, I met a worthless stinky boy. ”
Obviously, as a mother, I want my daughter to find a good family. But the mother made the mistake of overestimating her own children and belittling the children of others.
If you want to be picky, there is something wrong with anyone. If parents are picky about their son-in-law and daughter-in-law, it will lead to the love of their children not going well. After all, everyone wants to be recognized and supported by their elders, not "derogatory" ones.
It is the best thing to treat the daughter-in-law and son-in-law as their own family and as if they were their own; otherwise, at least we must "not pick and choose". Even if the prince falls in love with Cinderella, don't object.
Marriage is like a shoe, whether it is suitable or not, I know it myself. As a parent, look, give it a thumbs up, just fine.
03
Second, do not compare: the economic situation of the two families, avoid comparing with each other, nor can it be compared with outsiders.
Marriage, of course, is a door-to-door pair as well. However, "door-to-door pair" is a relative concept, and there have never been two identical families.
As a parent, it is not easy to pull your children up. If you use money to measure the success and failure of your family, you are doomed to failure. Man's desires are endless, and no one thinks that his wealth is enough.
When their children get married, many parents think that their families have suffered losses.
Make two analogies.
First, the man believes that the dowry money is more, which is an act of buying and selling, and the heart is very uncomfortable; the woman believes that the dowry is less, and when the bride price is married to the next door family and relatives, the dowry money is more.
Second, during the festival, the son-in-law sent a gift worth five hundred yuan. Parents-in-law think too little. Because the son-in-law of the next door neighbor sent a gift worth two thousand yuan. The two families are compared, and they can't get over it on the face.
People are more angry than people. At any time, on economic issues, think like this: as long as the marriage of children is strong, then the wealth of two large families can be shared, and there is no need for "half a pound to eight or two".
04
Third, don't move around frequently: live your life well, and have less courtesy.
A friend of mine, Xiao Jia, said this trouble: every weekend, my parents-in-law would carry native chickens and ducks to the door, and it was early in the morning. He wanted to sleep, but he couldn't.
Even more disturbing, the in-laws will tell his parents about any situation they see. Trivial things, after some operation, become the fuse of contradictions.
To put it bluntly, it is the parents-in-law who change the method and let Xiao Jia be criticized by his parents.
Family-to-family interaction and courtesy gifts are indispensable. But frequent walking around, more gifts, not good things. After all, every small family must have a relatively independent space and have a certain degree of privacy.
There is a saying that goes: "The guest stays for three days and is disgusted; the fish is left for three days and stinks." ”
Occasionally meeting, is the guest; every day to meet, is the neighbor; at any time into the house to sit down, is the anti-guest mainly. Different degrees of communication bring different consequences. You always take it for granted.
05
Fourth, don't talk too much: the gossip of outsiders, don't talk about it in the family.
Many elderly people, as soon as they open their mouths, they say , "I listen to so-and-so."
Why listen to "so-and-so" instead of the people in your own family? Isn't this "arm turning outward"?
On weekdays, it is inevitable to hear some gossip. Many outsiders, who have a certain understanding of your family situation, will talk about your family.
For example, relatives contract fish ponds and often send fish to neighbors. Therefore, the neighbor of the family asks you "did not eat the fish" If you think about it, you feel uncomfortable, thinking that the relationship between relatives and families is not as good as the relationship between neighbors.
The writer Jimmy said: "The same eyes have different views, the same ears have different ways of listening, and the same mouths have different statements." ”
For the same thing, there are many ways to interpret it. When you hear about your family, it must be biased, it is the subjective assumption of others. So just do you hear it, don't continue to spread it, even the verification is redundant.
06
Relatives, relatives, but also outsiders, may also become enemies.
Therefore, we must put ourselves in the right position, keep a distance from our relatives, and not cause trouble to our children.
No one can control others, so they strictly control themselves.
When you can't figure it out, think more about how your children should live their lives. You, do more cooperation work, don't sing the protagonist.
When the distance is far away, the contradiction will be beyond reach; the pattern is larger, and the good things and ugly things will be tolerated.
From now on, more watch, less interference.
Author: Cloth coarse food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The illustrations in this article come from the Internet.