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It is said that marriage is not the union of two people but the union of two families, and only at the crucial moment can we see whether we are married to a person or a ghost.
On the road of life, it is actually difficult to walk together to the old, especially between husband and wife, in addition to mutual understanding and respect, the biggest should be tolerance, and parents and children are each other's untouchable bottom line, some things, consider too selfish, the loss of not only family affection and perhaps love.
01
A climber in Henan holds a bouquet of pink roses that are "unswerving" and prepares to give to his ex-wife to tentatively save her heart.
He has been married to his wife for ten years and is now divorced for a year, during which time he will occasionally think of his former happiness, and most importantly, he still wants to give his two sons a complete home.
It is also after the divorce that he feels the hardship of his wife, now the two sons of the family are unattended, usually he has to go to work and take care of two children, such a life makes him physically and mentally exhausted, want to save his wife, because the children are too pitiful to be unattended.
Before the divorce has been his work outside, the ex-wife at home to take care of the two children, the life is actually quite comfortable, don't look at the divorce has been a year, for the ex-wife suddenly insisted on choosing divorce, he still can't understand.
Under his leadership, the group came to the place where his ex-wife Bao Hong worked, saw her ex-husband who had not been seen for a year, she seemed very calm, after explaining her intentions, Bao Hong said: "It is impossible to be reunited, and we will be fine in the future." ”
Although she tried to suppress her own emotions, ten years of feelings, for a woman, if there is no obstacle that cannot be passed, how can she cruelly abandon her two young children and resolutely choose the path of divorce.
Speaking of the reasons for the divorce between the two, Bao Hong said that she and her husband were introduced to each other, she and Panzi are the only sons and daughters of the family, and it is precisely because of this that she looks at her ex-husband, she thinks that she can support her parents in her old age, just after the two got married, her parents also came from their hometown to rent a house near their community to help them with their children, and the family's life is also harmonious.
Later, the village demolished their family to divide the size of two houses, a family of four moved to a large house, Bao Hong considered that her parents were still renting a house to help them with their children is very hard, she hoped that Panzi could let her parents live in the empty 50 square meters of small house, although the husband also agreed, but the parents just moved in not long, the contradiction began and the family has never been peaceful.
Bao Hong said: "When we quarreled, he said that the suite where your parents lived, I could rent out more than a thousand yuan a month, I felt that what he said was hurtful, and I could obviously feel his dislike for my parents." ”
Panzi admitted that he did say such a thing, but his original intention was not to dislike his parents-in-law, the two sons were getting bigger, and the family's expenses also increased, and he wanted his parents-in-law to move to a big house to live with them, and subsidize the rent of the small house for the family.
The ex-husband's statement, Bao Hong did not approve, the parents have tried to live with them, but there will always be friction between the two generations because of the habits of life, so she is more inclined to let her parents live alone in the small house, the couple discussed many times, but always reached an agreement, and even to the point of divorce.
Panzi said that after this incident, he also realized his problems and wanted to reconcile with his wife, but Bao Hong seemed to have an iron heart and did not give him a chance, and ran away from home at every turn, Panzi said: "She moved out alone, and she did not care about the old people and children." ”
Bao Hong explained that she also knew that she had old and young, but during that time, she and her husband met every day and quarreled and could not communicate normally and effectively, she just went out to temporarily separate so that both parties could calm down, who knew that her ex-husband had done more excessive things.
Remembering what happened at that time, Bao Hong was still full of grievances, and she cried and said, "He pushed my mother to the ground, and they were limited to cleaning up the things immediately within three days." ”
And Panzi gave his own statement about this dispute, in fact, the parents-in-law moved first, did not want to be too entangled with the two old people, he was about to leave, the mother-in-law went forward to drag him to lose his hand and sat on the ground, plus during that time because of the living problems of the two old people, the quarrels between the husband and wife continued, the wife had no home, and he said the words of rushing his father-in-law and mother-in-law on impulse.
In order to understand the truth of the problem between husband and wife, a group led by Bao Hong came to his parents' current residence, and saw the former son-in-law Panzi, Bao Hong's mother was very emotional.
She cried and said, "We don't have the ability ourselves, when we handed over our daughter to him, we actually wanted a child in his family, and they also promised to give us a pension at that time, and now we are getting people and money, which is equivalent to sending her daughter to the fire pit." ”
It turned out that Panzi had lost his parents since he was a child, and after marrying his daughter, they treated him as their own son, and these old two were also busy taking care of their two grandchildren, who knew that the children were older, and the son-in-law was treated as a burden.
Mentioning the previous conflict, Bao Hong's mother was emotional again, and she repeatedly said: "He restricted me to vacate the house within three days, what does it mean for me to live?" ”
When Bao Hong's mother learned of the situation at that time, the mediator also believed that Panzi's approach was a bit extreme, even if he wanted to divorce his wife, but the love affair of ten years should not let him treat his parents-in-law like this.
Panzi admits that his behavior is indeed inappropriate, but he really does not mean to beat his parents-in-law, in fact, it is because his personality is not good at communication that things continue to deteriorate.
02
It turned out that when he was born before the full moon, his mother died of illness, and his ten-year-old father also died of an accident, when he could only live with his elderly grandfather, he lacked parental love from a young age and did not like to communicate with people since he was a child.
Bao Hong said that in fact, she understood her husband's hardships in his early years, but it was his personality that led to the marriage between the two to where it is now.
She said: "My parents didn't have a good impression of him either, he hadn't called my parents or parents in so many years. ”
Speaking of the title of his parents-in-law, Panzi hurriedly explained that because he had never seen his mother since he was a child, it was actually particularly difficult for him to call the word "mother", and he had never called anyone the simplest title for ordinary people in his life, including dad.
But a son-in-law and a half-son, according to the change of title after marriage, he should also call his wife's parents as parents, the mediator believes that if because of his own growth experience, it is really impossible to export, in fact, he can explain it to his wife, and change to other titles that are relatively respectful of them, I believe they will understand.
In addition, from the beginning to the present, the way Panzi communicates with people is actually to accuse his wife, all things are the responsibility of his wife in his mouth, and Bao Hong's way of dealing with problems is to evade, no matter what her husband says she chooses to ignore, or even run away from home to deal with it.
However, even if a smart couple has an argument, they will learn to realize their own shortcomings from quarrels and conflicts, find and solve problems, blame and escape can only get their own temporary peace, but the problem has always been there and has not been properly resolved.
As the saying goes: "The authorities are obsessed with bystanders." After some persuasion from the mediator, Panzi realized his mistake, and he went to his wife and said, "Be good to you in the future, to our parents." ”
But although her ex-husband repeatedly promised not to disappoint her in the future, Bao Hong did not seem to be willing to give him any chance, she confessed that she only valued her husband's honest duty at that time and was a person who would live a life, but after ten years of getting along, she found that her ex-husband was not the kind of person she really wanted to find, and she really did not want to return to the life before divorce.
Bao Hong said: "I know that I have my own mistakes, I don't want to give him a chance because he can't give what I want, I want him to understand me, tolerate me a little, I have a bad temper and love to play small, what makes me more unacceptable is his attitude towards my parents." ”
It can be seen that she cares most about her parents, they only have Bao Hong, a daughter, and they definitely need to live with her in their later years, it can be said that when she chooses this marriage, she thinks most about not herself or them, if Panzi can not understand his wife in the treatment of his parents, Bao Hong will not turn back.
Moreover, Panzi's parents-in-law are not without a little contribution to the family, the two children have been brought up by them since childhood, and there is no fault with the children, Panzi should keep the promise of giving the parents-in-law a pension, and should be truly aware of their dedication to the family from the heart.
After a long period of persuasion, Panzi finally realized his problem, and he threw himself on his knees in front of his mother-in-law and said, "Mom, don't be like me in the future, I don't talk like this person through my brain, and you know that although I can't do it in my mouth, I can still do anything." ”
The mediator also believes that Panzi may not be good at communication because of his own growth experience, and belongs to a person who speaks straight and has low emotional intelligence, but after all, a family has been together for ten years, and it is certainly impossible to say that there is no emotion, in fact, whether it is between husband and wife or between son-in-law and in-laws, the biggest problem is that communication is not in place, in fact, there is no other principle problem.
After listening to Panzi's sincere apology, the mother-in-law did not say anything more, and the relaxation of his mother-in-law's attitude made him rekindle hope, he walked to his ex-wife with a bouquet of flowers prepared in advance, knelt down and said to her: "You have worked hard, can you give me another chance?" ”
But Bao Hong rejected him again, and bluntly said that this life is impossible, the opportunity will not be once, the mediator found that although Bao Hong did not agree on the lips, but the attitude was no longer so rejected compared to before, she hoped that Bao Hong if she really did not think well in her heart, in fact, she could not refuse so absolutely.
It's entirely possible to give the ex-husband a period of time to see if he really changes, if he really tries to change, and if the two can communicate normally and then make a final decision.
Hearing the mediator's suggestion, Bao Hong finally relaxed and said that she could give her ex-husband an inspection period to see if her ex-husband was determined to really change, and she also thought about what to do next if the two remarried in the future.
Seeing that his ex-wife's attitude had finally eased, Panzi also quickly said that he would seize this opportunity, and the first step was to quickly take his parents-in-law to the small house to live.
A series of operations of Panzi is like a small monkey who lost a watermelon and picked up sesame seeds, more than a thousand yuan and the harmony of the family, and the stability of marriage and the peace of mind of the wife is obviously not a weight level, although the two have no principle problems, but they are still full of chicken feathers.
Life is like this, others only look at the results, their own single support process, maybe Bao Hong has not felt loved, parents work hard to help, and finally do not even have the right to live in a small house, how can such a man rely on a lifetime, so she did the first person to go.
It's just that marriage is the combination of two people and two people changing each other, maybe Panzi is wrong, but Bao Hong's evasive way of solving the problem also makes things develop in an irreversible direction, if the two still maintain their original intentions, they may not be able to go to this point.
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