Text/Su Xin
Figure/ From the Network If there is infringement contact deleted
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The aunt next door has been sullen since she returned from her daughter's house, and she thought that she could retire in her daughter's home, but in just one month, she was ridiculed by her relatives.
The family said: "You have been here for a month, and my son has not slept well for a day." "The aunt next door has a problem, she has to get up several times at night, and every time she gets up at night, she will make a lot of movement, and the son-in-law, who has worked all day during the day, is often woken up by the sound she makes at night, and can no longer sleep.
In front of her, the son-in-law was naturally not easy to say anything, but the family could not look at it, and seeing that his son had been haggard for a month, he finally issued an eviction order.
She remembers her daughter telling her that wherever she married, as long as she was there, it was her home. At first, she really did not treat herself as an outsider, but after experiencing this incident, she finally understood a truth, no matter who the other party is, don't take yourself too seriously, keep a moderate distance from people, don't create trouble for others, and don't embarrass yourself, this is the greatest courtesy of a person, even if it is the closest child to himself.
01
A Russian writer once said: "The root of all human suffering stems from the lack of a sense of border." ”
In fact, two people with the best relationship also need to maintain a moderate distance, otherwise you will definitely feel pain because of the transcendence of the sense of boundaries.
Someone once said a very classic saying: "Even the best feelings will die of course." "No one owes you, so don't ask the other party to do anything, parents and children, husband and wife, best friends, can not ask each other to pay unconditionally." 」
The friend deleted the boyfriend's WeChat blocking, just because she asked her boyfriend to help her pull votes, and the boyfriend could not reach her satisfaction, in a rage, the friend decided to break up with the boyfriend.
Originally, in the eyes of friends, the boyfriend is a very considerate man, she said, in addition to her parents in this world, only the boyfriend understands her best, the most considerate of her, during the physiological period, she can receive her boyfriend carefully prepared with thermos cup of brown sugar water and hand warmer, during the lunch break, her desk will be placed on the boyfriend just bought from the company downstairs fruit-flavored yogurt, these small details are actually very touched friends.
But because when he canvassed for votes, his boyfriend gave his own vote to his old leader, and his friend thought that he did not have her in his heart at the most critical time, so he simply ended the relationship.
Before ending the relationship once and for all, his friend sent him a lot of messages to the effect that he was a hypocrite and that his kindness to her was disguised in his daily life. Of course, while cursing men, her friend herself is also very painful, and she hates why men can't put her on the tip of their hearts in everything.
The result of losing boundaries and scales is that you have to keep the other person in line with yourself, and use this as a standard of love or non-love, and take your own requirements for granted, which invisibly puts a heavy shackle on the other party.
However, a truly comfortable relationship must be premised on mutual respect, even if the other party's approach is not satisfactory to you, but you can not resent the other party because of it, because the choices he makes must have his reasons, and if he does not meet your requirements, there will be his difficulties.
Understanding and respect, trust and tolerance are missing in the relationship, so no matter how good it feels at the beginning, the result must be regrettable.
Therefore, if you want to live less painfully, you must keep yourself at a moderate distance from others, and the relationship with a sense of boundaries is safer and more stable.
02
Don't easily disturb others, and don't resent others for not being able to do it.
Because everyone in this world has their own difficulties, if we want not to be embarrassed by others, we should not be embarrassed for others.
A netizen shared an incident she had experienced.
For a while, she wanted to go to another city to work, and not long ago when she joined the alumni association, she learned that another female classmate in the class also lived in that city, and at the classmate meeting, the female classmate said that she was developing very well now, and told everyone that if she needed her help in the future, she must not be polite.
So she called the female classmate and said that she was going to live in that city, but the preliminary work had not yet been determined, hoping to stay in her house for a few days, although the female classmate agreed, but she heard the other party's hesitant voice on the phone.
Later, she went to that city, and after the work was determined and lived in the company dormitory, she called the female classmate and told her that everything was going well, the interview was successful on the same day, and the company also provided a good dormitory, so she did not bother her.
In fact, her hunch was right, the hesitation of the female classmate explained her embarrassment, the female classmate was not as good as she showed off, in fact, her life was a mess, she had been unemployed for a long time, even the rent she lived in was rented, and the landlord lived next door.
Netizens said that after she heard the embarrassment of the female classmates, she no longer wanted to disturb her, everyone has a bad time, and this time, it is the time when she does not want to see people, polite people, will not bother such a person.
Netizens finally said that they would occasionally meet later, but they were all dating in restaurants or cafes, and she never took the initiative to ask the female classmate what work she was doing, where her family lived, let alone her privacy.
03
Someone once said that the sense of boundary between adults is very important, just like air, and you can imagine how badly we feel without this boundary.
For a while, friends always frowned and told me that when a little girl in the unit chatted with her, she would always ask her about her family situation, ask her if she was married, the friend nodded and said that she was married, and asked her husband what he did, the friend had no choice but to say what her ex-husband's work was, but this little girl did not stop at this, and insisted on asking that she and her husband would be invited to dinner another day, because she was a newcomer and wanted to ask her friends to take more care.
The friend only nodded and vaguely accepted her invitation, but the little girl took it seriously, and the friend shirked that her husband was very busy at work during this time and really did not have time, but the little girl said that she wanted to buy vegetables to cook at a friend's house, so that she could wait until her husband came home to eat together.
The friend really didn't want his divorce to be known to others, and finally had to find an excuse to alienate the little girl.
I remember Bi Shumin once said: "Keeping a distance closely may be the most appropriate way to communicate." "It is right to be enthusiastic, but you must not be overly enthusiastic, and don't ruin your relationship because of your lack of scale."
END.