Introduction to Emotional Counseling:
How lonely intimate relationships are, only those who have experienced it know it.
Why is it that when you are alone, your heart is full and waveless, and after you really enter an intimate relationship, you feel a strong sense of loneliness?
Why express intimacy, but there is still a hole in the heart that cannot be filled?
Xiao Nan has been in love several times and broke up. There is only one reason, she feels that the other party does not understand her and does not understand her.
She has been dating her current boyfriend for 1 and a half years, and she feels that the relationship is becoming more and more boring, and she is becoming more and more lonely.
When I first fell in love, I dated each other, watched movies, ate, went shopping, traveled, although there were occasionally some minor conflicts, but they were all harmless, and they quickly reconciled after the quarrel.
The two further developed into cohabitation, and Xiaonan's expected boyfriend would take more care of her, understand her, and tolerate her, however, she found that the run-in between the couple was far from as smooth as she imagined.
Xiao Nan is used to going to bed early and getting up early, but her boyfriend is a night owl and freelancer, and her boyfriend has not gotten up when she goes to work the next day; After work, she watches movies while reading dramas, and her boyfriend is either playing games or working.
She hopes that the two can synchronize, although her boyfriend occasionally lets her go to bed with her, but most of the time she still feels quite unhappy and feels that the relationship is too distant.
The communication between the two is getting less and less, Xiao Nan originally thought that the relationship between the two would be closer after living together, but he did not expect that he was now living with his roommate, and even his boyfriend was not as eager to share as his roommate.
She felt that she couldn't go on like this, and tried to create some surprises or warm moments, but her boyfriend said that she didn't like it.
Sometimes I also want to communicate more with my boyfriend, such as talking about the unfair treatment or troubles I encountered, asking my boyfriend about his plans for the future, etc., but every time my boyfriend listens, although he has a simple comfort or a plan to talk about himself, he said that these topics make him so stressed that he hopes to say something lighter.
She hopes that her boyfriend will occasionally say love words, such as I miss you, but her boyfriend says that he is numb, and he rarely takes the initiative to express it after saying it a few times.
When Xiao Nan couldn't help but break out and wanted to quarrel, he found that the two couldn't even quarrel, because her boyfriend either didn't say anything, or found an excuse to go out.
She felt so frustrated and painful, and slowly, she closed the door of her heart and lowered her expectations for her boyfriend.
In fact, boyfriends have many good places, are willing to do housework, will make her what she likes to eat, give her favorite gifts, are willing to accompany her to do things she is interested in, and occasionally take the initiative to chat with her, etc., but Xiao Nan began to reject his "good" because of her dissatisfaction with her boyfriend.
She didn't know if it was normal, why every relationship was like this, and whether it was necessary for such a relationship to go on.
Guangzhou heard about the interpretation of psychological counseling:
Sometimes what really leads to emotional crisis is not external tearing, but inner loneliness.
Why don't you feel lonely when you are alone, but feel lonely in an intimate relationship?
Because loneliness does not come from no one around. Loneliness is because we have a desire to communicate and connect with people, but we can't find such an object, which is a state of losing connection. If a person does not have the desire to communicate and connect with others, he will not feel lonely.
Many people long to feel truly "seen" in an intimate relationship, in a deep link with another person, to spend the years together, and to support each other.
If intimacy is a soft and powerful embrace, a partner is a child who longs to be embraced in his arms.
Many people express their needs in the relationship and do not get the response they want, there is no one to say about their hearts, they do not understand each other, and they want love and intimacy but often backfire, which makes them feel lonely and lost.
This feeling, like in the early stages of life, young babies have to rely on their parents to survive, often can't eat when they are hungry, and don't get a response from their mothers when they cry, and they will lose trust in the world, feel insecure, and often feel hopeless in the future.
In order to get rid of these bad feelings, or to gain links with others and reduce loneliness, some people choose to leave existing relationships and prepare to make new friends;
Some choose to seek passion outside to compensate for themselves;
Some people begin to entangle with their partner, eager for attention, hoping that the other person can hear their cry...
But they often find that even if they change partners or find passion outside, they may compulsively repeat past relationships and plunge themselves into loneliness again.
Because, on the one hand, people are born lonely, and love cannot completely dissolve this loneliness.
On the other hand, there will always be setbacks and unsatisfactory points in the relationship.
Sometimes it's not that our partner doesn't give enough, maybe our emotional needs are too strict and demanding, and they are beyond each other's capabilities.
For example, when Xiao Nan made a request, her boyfriend also tried to do it, although it was not entirely satisfactory to her;
When Nan is talking, her boyfriend also has a positive response part, but he may not be able to respond to all topics;
It can be seen that the boyfriend is not perfect, the response he gives is not very in line with Xiao Nan's expectations, and even the boyfriend himself may have some difficulties in the relationship, but you can see the efforts he has made for the relationship.
After Xiao Nan felt the setback, she completely denied and rejected the other party, which cut off the relationship with her partner, resulting in loneliness.
We need to realize that no one can be our perfect mother, and we ourselves are no longer the small, helpless babies we used to be.
As adults, the less you will feel lonely if both partners are able to be themselves in an intimate relationship, allow themselves to be different from each other, and improve their tolerance for setbacks.
In this regard, we need to grow and cultivate, the more independent the personality, the more able to truly connect with our partner;
On the other hand, for the difficulties of getting along and running-in in the relationship, you can also seek professional psychological counseling to make adjustments to each other and make the relationship more intimate and harmonious.