01
The world is big, there is no surprise, I was once again shocked by a hot news:
One man restricted his visitation rights because he disliked his ex-wife's low academic qualifications.
Yao Meng (pseudonym) and Zhu Min (pseudonym) registered their marriage at the end of December 2007 after a sweet love period, and the two entered the palace of marriage hand in hand. In May of the following year, their son Xiaobin was born. I thought that Xiao Bin's birth would make their family of three happier, but who knows, the happy days did not last long, and their marriage lit up with red lights.
In July 2013, under the mediation of the court, the two chose to break up peacefully and reached a divorce agreement. The son Xiaobin was raised by Yao Meng, and Zhu Min paid a monthly maintenance fee of 200 yuan until the child turned eighteen. After the divorce, Zhu Min visited from time to time because she missed her children, but her ex-husband Yao Meng filed a lawsuit with the court in July last year, demanding that his ex-wife's visit to the child must be approved by him, that he cannot leave his sight, and that the child cannot be taken to the ex-wife's newly formed family.
Yao Meng also said that the ex-wife only had a first Chinese, limited education, could not create a good education and growth environment for the children, did not pay the child's maintenance on time, and personal private life caused adverse moral impact and psychological harm to the child.
Zhu Min said that he has a good relationship with his son, and has also given child support, and showed a large number of transfer records in court, as well as corresponding photos. It is obvious that Yao Meng deliberately smeared Zhu Min, and it was Yao Meng who lied.
Fortunately, the court is fair, the court said: the level of education is not the only criterion for measuring a mother's character and educating her children, let alone quantifying her feelings for her children by academic qualifications.
How to evaluate Yao Meng's behavior?
Very dirty, now I know that the education of the ex-wife is low, how did it happen to marry and have children with others at that time, how did I not dislike other people's low education at that time? Now there is even a sense of superiority. Don't look at your ex-wife's education is not as high as yours, but I dare say that your ex-wife's standard of life is much higher than yours.
"Looking down on his ex-wife's academic qualifications, he wants to cancel the right of visitation", this alone can be seen that he is not a good person and has a corrupt character.
I advise a man like Yao Meng to look at himself before abandoning his ex-wife, do you think that he is very great with a higher education? How can it be so superficial? The level of thinking is too low. Some mothers are illiterate, and they can still cultivate 985 and 211 college students.
It is ridiculous to use academic qualifications as the only measure of a mother's character and to educate her children!
02
I have a word for all divorced couples: don't restrict the other spouse from visiting their children after a divorce.
Psychologically, no matter what the situation, the child instinctively wants to seek recognition from the parents, or to seek the parts of the parents who are similar. This "identification" is brought about by genes, and subconsciously points to: "Look, I was really born to you." ”
If from this perspective, Yao Meng dislikes his ex-wife's low education, should he not be disgusted along with the children born to his ex-wife? Only dislike the ex-wife's low education, and then I was with my ex-wife again, and I also had children, isn't it very double-standard? He had received all the benefits, and now he knew that he had taken advantage of his ex-wife's so-called low education to attack her.
Yao Meng's behavior is very inferior, the heart of a villain.
At no time can we force a child to take a stand, nor can we let him suppress his love and sense of identification with either parent. Questions like "Do you love your dad more or do you love mom more?" and "Your mom and dad are divorced, who are you on your side?" is just to satisfy the vanity and control of adults, and is not good for children at all.
What dislikes the ex-wife's low education for fear of affecting the child, to put it bluntly, it is just a PUA ex-wife to satisfy his vanity, ridiculous to the extreme, what is the thinking logic.
What age is it now, and it is really impossible to judge everything by the level of education, and the high degree can only mean that it is slightly stronger in learning, but what can it be? Are you at the pinnacle of your life? Are you better mixed yourself than your peers? There is more than enough than the top and the bottom, why aren't you a loser? What is there to disparage the mother of a child? If you have loved others and now hate them, isn't this an act of dressing up as a beast?
Who is lower than whom?
No matter how high your education is, it is not as high as your ex-wife's junior high school graduate.
Some public morality, especially divorced couples, should leave a line of life, rather than making such an undignified scene.
If you are really good to your child, you should respect the child, not deprive your biological mother of her love for him.
03
There is a line in the Korean drama "The World of Husband and Wife": When is the end of the so-called husband and wife relationship? When it comes to children, there will still be a relationship.
What does this tell us? Adults must properly handle each other's divorced relationships, do not become enemies, and do not let your irrational behavior affect the children. Children don't matter if they're adults, but if they're minors, the relationship between you will affect them.
I still advocate that all divorced couples, after the divorce, would rather be friends than enemies. As long as your other half wants to be responsible for the child, then you must let the child see him and do not denigrate him in front of the child. Both of you are conscientious to your children and accompany them to grow up, and the children will not be hurt by the harm that your divorce brings to him.
"There is a term in psychology, call divorce, that is, rational divorce, but those who can really be rational are a minority in the world."
You like Faye Wong and Li Yapeng are rational divorce, they will still accompany their children well after divorce, and two people in the same frame can also be in a very relaxed and natural state.
I still remember in "Little Joy", when Song Qian and Qiao Weidong went to consult a psychologist because of YingZi's depression, the doctor said a sentence:
"Children, half from the mother, half from the father, whether the mother says bad things about the father, or the father says bad things about the mother, will make the child think that I am not good." 」 The divorce of husband and wife has caused a sense of abandonment, and if you prevent the father of the child from seeing her, it will slowly wear down the child's insecurity. Your ex may not be a good partner, but not necessarily a good dad. Divorce can only represent the failure of your marriage and the dissolution of the relationship between husband and wife, but it does not represent the end of the parent-child relationship. ”
This is a phrase I send to all divorced couples to make yourself a true adult and mature.
Even if the emotional relationship between you is broken, for the child, the blood relationship cannot be separated. Your ex may not be a great partner, but not necessarily a good dad or mom. Divorce is nothing more than the failure of your marriage, and it does not represent the end of a parent-child relationship.
Be mature and hope that you are really for the good of the child, not for your own selfishness.
Today's topic: Does the parents' education level have an impact on the growth of their children? Welcome to leave a message to discuss.
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★ Author: YIBAO; emotional original author, writing about the warm emotional affairs of this world.