He Suohuan, a writer of sexual affective psychology, writes love stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.
The end of a relationship does not come suddenly, but there is a long "brewing and preparation process".
Whether it is social relationships or heterosexual relationships, the breakdown of the relationship between two people will always go through a slow process.
In social:
The relationship between you first created some estrangements, because of some small things that caused contradictions; Subsequently, it is to gradually keep a distance from each other; At the end, remove the other person from your circle of friends.
When the opposite sex is along:
The end of love does not come suddenly.
When you realize that the relationship has come to an end and cannot be recovered, in fact, some signals have already appeared in the process of getting along.
-01
Daily communication: No more responding to you in a timely manner
The end of an adult's relationship, there is one of the most obvious signs:
When you send messages to the other person, they are like a sea of stones, and you don't get any response.
At first, you send a message, and the other person replies to you every few minutes.
After a relationship problem arises, you send a message, and the other person often responds for several hours.
By the eve of the separation, you messaged him and basically got no response.
When pursuing someone you like, what can you understand if the other person does not reply to your message?
In love, the message you send does not return to the other party, the other party does not answer the call, what can you guess?
These are the subtext of adult emotional relations.
There is no need to say it explicitly, because the silence of the other party is the most direct answer.
For couples in love, couples after marriage, it is also very simple to verify the changes in your relationship.
It depends on whether your communication goes smoothly.
The rapport of communication includes several aspects:
Is there a response to the message that goes out?
Can the other person understand your emotions?
Can your emotions resonate with the other person?
Communication is harmonious, and the relationship can gradually and smoothly go down;
If there is a problem with communication, or the other person refuses to communicate with you, it means that your relationship has come to an end.
-02
Relationship mode: Resist physical contact
A consulting case comes to mind.
A man left a message saying that his wife always refused to have intimate contact with him, and this state has been going on for about 2 months.
Although they were husband and wife, the indifference and resistance shown by his wife made him particularly uncomfortable.
I always felt that my wife seemed to treat herself as an outsider.
The most consequence was that he found evidence of her betrayal of marriage in his wife's mobile phone.
This counseling case is an undisguised signal in an intimate relationship.
Psychologically speaking:
There are many ways to keep love fresh, and one of them is a must: communication, physical contact, understanding and tolerance.
If the two of you are neither able to communicate properly nor have physical contact.
So what is the end that awaits you, you say?
In psychology, the distance between people is used to measure the relationship between each other.
Also known as "social distancing".
The closer the person, the less we mind maintaining intimate contact with each other.
But in the face of unfamiliar strangers, we tend to keep a clear distance from each other; This safety distance is generally more than 1 meter.
Think about it, isn't it like this?
Whether a person loves you or not, the mouth can lie, but body language cannot deceive.
-03
Emotional interaction: calculating, unable to empathize
During the love period, you have endless topics to talk about with each other every day;
Feelings enter a period of contradiction, and there are always endless fights between you.
Judging that the relationship has come to an end, there is another obvious signal:
You are with each other and feel lonely;
It is obviously the relationship of two people, but it always feels that you are the only one.
Not understood, not loved, not tolerated, not cared for; What you do, the other party does not care; What you say, the other party is too lazy to respond.
This mode of getting along shows that you are being "emotionally ignored" by the other party.
Emotional neglect is a concept in psychology, which is mainly manifested in:
Emotions are not perceived, even if the other party perceives your emotions, there is no action;
Lonely inside, always unloved;
No one is spoken, and it is always not understood.
When your feelings reach the point where they need to be "calculated", they are already in name only.
Like what:
Go out for a meal, ask for AA system;
How much money the other party spent on you, you want you to pay it all back.
Others are married, but still maintain the AA system of household expenses after marriage.
Such feelings have long had problems.
If love also needs to be calculated, and every penny has to be calculated, what is the meaning of such a relationship?
Today's Topic:
What crisis have you experienced in your relationship?
(Article with picture source network)